Thanx for this mindful..... I have disassociated when things have gotten rough as an adult specifically caring for my folks in their last years

It was really rough at times... My mom had Alzheimer's and my dad had several things wrong the most debilitating was a series of strokes

And I did his palliative care at home

I disassociated during this time and I have to say I think it was helpful at times... I don't think I've grieved though for any of my losses

It was years after my mom's death when I cried a little for the first time and that was during a documentary about Alzheimer's.....

I do think that I have shut down in many ways and have never really returned.... If that makes sense

I was in a psych ward several years ago and the pdoc I saw in there said to me anyone could do anything to you, you're so unaware and I don't know when that really happened or how to change

I think that I'm still somewhat in that state

Our inner world is a mystery and feels dangerous because of abuse

The more we dissociate the less we really know our true self

We assume labels others give us

You can dissociate a little less each day with the right tools and focus

Hi mindfulguy,disassociation is part of my daily life. While some of it I can control with grounding, other times it is so sudden and I am not sure what even triggered it I’ve been known to lose hours and end up in places not knowing how I got there.

Trigger warning...

I had one incident where I was walking my dogs. The next think I remember is someone asking me the time. I was standing at a duck pond, located at a local park. I did not have my dogs. I had a severe burning sensation on my lower ab. I looked around to see if I could spot my SUV. I walked the whole park and did not see my SUV. I walked three miles home hoping my dogs were safe. As I approached my home, I saw my SUV in the driveway and heard my dogs barking which was such a relief. I was feeling pain and was really tired. When I started walking my dogs it was around 11:00 Am. When I came out of disassociation it was around 3;00 in the afternoon. When I made it home and checked the pain on my lower ab, I had carved the word “peace” into my ab.. I guess my mind was saying it needed peace.

This is just one incident of disassociation with amnesia, while I try to stay present, I find sometimes a trigger that happens suddenly or is really overwhelming can take me into disassociation. I’ve had multiple traumas, so I am still trying to discover what sets off these events.

Sorry for
Your suffering

That is severe dissociation when you black out and have no idea where
You are

Along with a professional I would start
Meditating and building my focus so you can stay present more often

Does
Your fight or flight mechanism ism die when you black out

how do u stop urself from dissocating?
i been stuck in it really bad for i don't no how long and i don't no what to do. my therapist wants me to go inpatient but schools starting so i don't want to so how do i stop it on my own?

It takes practice

I focused on my breath

I started meditating

Start with a couple breaths

Inhale, pause, exhale, pause

Four parts to the breath

I can help you

I have zoomed with people from my mindfulness group and meditated with them

Here is a post to get you started

https://ptsdawayout.com/mindfulness/

Same here for me with dissociating and my PTSD, too, mindfulguy. Most people assume that someone twice divorced like I am must have experienced angry confrontations or infidelity for two marriages to end. But no, it was that my spouses felt I wasn't "there" for them in intimacy, and in therapy I learned that I wasn't and why. I thought of that when I read you write above " It steals the only time we have to be happy." It stole my happiness in both of those marriages, it really did.

I forgive myself for developing dissociating symptoms of that size by thinking of it as a way I coped as a missionary kid with the terror of living daily bullets and bombs flying in an urban war zone from age 9-15. Six years of terror day after day made my mind just check out. It couldn't process being in a car bombing for just going out for ice cream, being in a bomb blast that leveled a building for just for going bowling, stuff like that over and over for six years. The near death punishment was way too cruel for such innocent things as wanting ice cream or to go bowling. A kid shouldn't have to die for wanting things like that just for being a kid.

Forgiving myself didn't stop it, though, and I have two ex-wives now who can testify to that. It's really sad because I'm a generally happy person who enjoys life and then dissociated as to how to share it. Meditation really, really helped me live with me. Living with anyone else is something I gave up on, though, at least for now. SunCloud wrote: "I do think that I have shut down in many ways and have never really returned.... If that makes sense." Yeah, I've lived alone and haven't dated for a decade now because of that for me, too.

Thanks for bringing this up, mindfulguy. Work in progress for sure.

My flight or fight can sometimes lead me into disassociation as well as when I come out of it not knowing what I did or where I’m at. During, disassociation with amnesia I can’t tell. During disassociation without amnesia, I can hear people talking around me, but I can’t talk. Other times I am just in a dreamlike state,

I am sorry for your Dissociation

We have to work on our focus when we are calm so that when our fight or flight fires we can stay present.

The severity of your Dissociation needs to have power taken out of it. It rules you now at its present strength.


It is imperative you spend more and more time in the present moment

The neuroscience basic building block is what fires together wires together

Where we give attention grows where we withhold withers and dies

We must starve ptsd and it’s symptoms of time in our consciousness

You need to do the daily work for a while without noticing improvement

It is tough at first

Good luck

Thank you Mindfulguy! I’m trying.

I like that idea of "starving" our PTSD, mindfulguy. Yes, that's a good description of what the PTSD recovery process has been like for me. Especially now that I had bariatric surgery and actually lost 110lbs in the last year and half, too.