I offer sympathetic support.

If, however, you would like a coherent thought from me? Love isn't measured by dollar signs or turf war "wins" over who gets whom to do what for why... And as they told us in AlAnon, sometimes it's safest to love at a distance. Maybe let them know that distance is a good idea. Give everyone some perspective. Seen my in-laws do this dance with my BIL, still got my SIL pulling strings (and she's mid-forties). The more the kids feel they "owe" the parents but can "get" from the parents, the worse it seems to be in that family, at least. I think my in-laws have sunk a cool million into their two younger children's problems since those children became legal adults. Y'know what it got them? Their younger kids coming back for more $$$ and being furious if they weren't getting any, well into their alleged adulthoods. My hubby married me, so he was cut off, and will admit he was the better for it. Did his parents enjoy seeing him struggle money-wise? No. but the one time we got money from his dad, we repaid it like a proper bank loan. Are they all cuddly-close? No. But there is *respect*. And I think that needs to exist or the love never really gets pollinated, if that makes sense.

Sorry to ramble. Just my POV on the intricacies of parenting adults. I'm trying to parent my mom, so I am quite likely full of shinola and other smelly brown thins.

Regard, disregard, but whatever,

Gentle support, Arfie, and gentle rest to you as well.

Big hug for you sweetie... I agree that it's probably time that they stand on their own 2 feet AND pay their own bills... If they can't afford it they don't buy it

If they need a little help they can discuss it with you if you're able to provide it

Anger calms down arfie... Hopefully soon you can all let bygones be bygones...It's hard to live with all different personality's under one roof without getting angry now and then

Love can move mountains!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iudvkW7_b1c&list=RDiudvkW7_b1c

Sounds like boundary drawing time. Never an easy call. Much support to you, arfie.

I hate political correctness on any level, but calling people in their 30somethings, "Kids" has gotten to where it makes my blood boil. . . Especially after someone is calling them, "Mom and Dad." My 35 year old son even thought he was cute when he chimed, "40 is the new 20." The good news is that I think he heard himself and has actually paid his own bills since he moved out to make room for his brother and family last December. Even bought his own car. . .

Whatever the evers of the grownup yaddahs of the reigning Mom and Dad, our retirement plan was not designed to support multiple adult households. I am energetic for 61, but. . . I would still rather let my MIL honors stand for Monster-in-law than Maid-in-law. I cleaned the bathroom on Tuesday after the reigning parents left and it is still clean!!!! I made an ATM withdrawal the same day and most of it is still in my pocket!!! Rejection has its perks. . .

My grandson remains the big worry. . . The still young children always pay the highest price in these disputes. . . He is no longer crying at the door of his mother's precious thing chamber, but. . . Still I worry. . .

Sorry you're under a lot of stress. Feel better.

A way to thwart the digi-goblins: When I get the 'Service unavailable- zero error' or whatever screen I click the page refresh button by the search bar. It then asks me to 'resend the information' and I click 'yes'. That way I don't have to retype my entire post.

I think it is time for the happy homeowners to take their home back.

Time to take back the budget, too. It is way too easy to spend other people's money. Just ask Congress . . . http://www.treasurydirect.gov/NP/debt/current

Still, it is hard. . . I feel deceived, used and abused. At what magic age do the "Children" become the abusers?

When the DIL was in the Custody threat phase of her tongue-lashing, she lashed, "Why don't you just go do your 'vacation' thing and get out of here?" While the baby screamed at her knee caps. . .

By this time I was obsessively focused on simply ending the tit for tat skirmish. The baby was hysterical and . . . Please don't ask me to consider "important" adult points with a baby screaming hysterically. . . .

Girl howdy, this bum with a toilet cleaning hobby would love to get back to her field research. Go ahead and call it, "vacation." Quit spending my research budget and I will be gone in a heartbeat. Work with me instead of against me, please. "Not working" is only a figure of speech for the domestic support positions. . . Housekeeping, childcare etc., is more than just rehearsing for the afternoon TV family dysfunction shows.

Arfie, I can answer your question.

My sister was 7 when she joined the ranks, and 15 when she went for parental figures instead of just smaller children (or outcasts at her school).

My hubby's siblings use emotional manipulation from their teens onward. I mean, hello? My sis-in-law is 45 and her parents are still paying part of her way and she's full-time employed for over 80K a year! The son played the "you messed me up with your divorce card" till he was nearly 30, and, well, my SIL is SOL with me. I often want to scream at them, "GROW UP!" but their parents let them do it and.... *sigh*

Which is my yadda to the blah-da, but the point is----

We're here for you, and I wish I could offer support besides gentle vibes.