Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Arfie posted a thread about 'Help-Seeking Denial' that got me thinking.
I haven't heard the term, but seeking help only to find every possible flaw in the advice I receive does sound like something I occationally do, though I think I know the reason.
I'm absolutely shit at asking for help, even if I know I really need it, but one thing I'm much, much worse at than even that is asking for comfort. Same goes for accepting it if it's offered. Hell, I can barely admit to myself that I may actually need comfort or reassurance every once in a while. When someone tries to, that usually makes me lash out and go into full defense-mode, yet it feels completely different from a trigger.
Though despite asking for it, I don't actually want any help, just knowing that someone bothered to think about it and tried to find a solution can, I suppose, be comforting (and holy shit, that's hard to admit and even worse to actually write down). I guess seeing that someone gives a shit, enough to try and help, is what I'm actually trying to get out of it. Seeking a way to seek comfort without actually doing so?
Thanks for posting that thread, Arfie. I reckon I might be onto something here in the Gordian knot that is my issues.
Has/does anyone experience something similar?
I haven't heard the term, but seeking help only to find every possible flaw in the advice I receive does sound like something I occationally do, though I think I know the reason.
I'm absolutely shit at asking for help, even if I know I really need it, but one thing I'm much, much worse at than even that is asking for comfort. Same goes for accepting it if it's offered. Hell, I can barely admit to myself that I may actually need comfort or reassurance every once in a while. When someone tries to, that usually makes me lash out and go into full defense-mode, yet it feels completely different from a trigger.
Though despite asking for it, I don't actually want any help, just knowing that someone bothered to think about it and tried to find a solution can, I suppose, be comforting (and holy shit, that's hard to admit and even worse to actually write down). I guess seeing that someone gives a shit, enough to try and help, is what I'm actually trying to get out of it. Seeking a way to seek comfort without actually doing so?
Thanks for posting that thread, Arfie. I reckon I might be onto something here in the Gordian knot that is my issues.
Has/does anyone experience something similar?
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
You already know I have the problem, big time. I am a gifted researcher, so finding a door to knock on is the easy part. The hard part is trust and giving up control.
I sincerely want help and know I need help, but taking the leap of faith is huge. Trusting a process? Not without a detailed itinerary and written guarantees.
I have come a long way on that score since my throw-away kid days, in the late 60's and early 70's but old habits die hard.
What happened to me is that I ran out of resources to waste that way. My PTSD spiral brought me down an entire socio-economic class financially. I had to take a job with less pay and benefits. Plus, in a remote Appalachian town without the choice of therapists and doctors I once wasted.
I still have trouble asking for help, but I'm getting better at doing it by asking for it first here at DS PTSD. And nowadays, because I can't afford to waste help like I used to do, when I ask for help I take it and I put it to use and am grateful.
It's not that I wised up so much as that I ran out of resources. Glad I did before it was too late for me.
I think u learn through experience and time that it's ok to accept help sometimes.
Hugs.
Like many here I still have difficulties asking for help, but I'm actually making progress in that regard. It's the fact that I sometimes I want to be comforted that seems unacceptable to me, and I don't know why.
I say that because as a married middle-ager, I've learned that I have to be verrrry specific. If I ask for "help"? Which is da*n near impossible? My hubby goes into Mr. FixIt mode.... but what I usually want is the "help" of someone saying, "It's gonna be okay, you got me, I got you".
Is that closer to your meaning?
But yeah, to go with your example, the "let me give you six ways..." would actually work better than the "Want a hug?", since for whatever reason I don't react well to comfort, I just wouldn't use any of the six ways...
*headdesk*
I also think, it feels good to help people so we should allow help as it is making others feel great too
I guess I missed it because I'm on my own now, nobody around.
So when I slipped on the ice and hurt myself in January I was laid up in my house alone unable to walk or get myself to the ER. Thinking about calling an ambulance.
Lucky for me a Spanish speaking neighbor knocked on my door, found me unable to walk, and took me to the ER himself. I didn't even ask. At the ER they gave me a walker so I could at least get around inside my home on my own.
Anyway, that's my latest episode with accepting help.