TW

My current interactions with my parents are not unsafe.

No one puts their hands on me or flat out bluntly calls me stupid or any name for that matter.

But something is not right.

Im 33. But they need to know my every move and decision and question both my every move and decision. 

There is a healthy amount of worry and concern and then there is this....

Three hours for two appointments is not enough to freak out and text/call. One office is almost an hour away. 

I’m allowed to pay my own way. Their money after all pays for the decisions they want me to make. I can see how some of those things pissed off my husband - who wanted their money but not their boundaries/limits. I’ll give you this for this if you use it for this. For instance, he paid off one of our vehicles if we agreed to use his employee discount to buy new instead of used. We did just that. I was thankful because my husband and I were both on the line for the payment now rather than the car that was solely in my name. Except somehow the new car ended up solely in my name as well. It gave us a new vehicle with a similar payment and we only had one car payment instead of two. It seemed like a win but it was a big loss.  We could have had my car paid off by now and simply bought a cheap used vehicle and hoped it wasn’t a lemon. Either way my husband wouldn’t have been happy but I can look back and see how my dad was trying to control our finances without even knowing our financial situation. When I went to him for help saying husband wasn’t providing money I was sure he had and that I was concerned about bills getting paid, that the weekend I stayed with them just for fun was bc he hadn’t paid the electric bill. We live in a very hot climate. He suddenly took steps back and wanted nothing to do with our finances. 

Yesterday morning he really got to me. Anytime I see him he gets to me. It’s an opoortunity for him to ask if I’m working the next day, what my schedule is, if I need gas, what I’ve decided for the kids, and to pass judgment passively “if it were me...” as if I’ve asked for advice. When I say thanks but no thanks or tell them I wasn’t asking for their opinion, I am suddenly the rude person. Saying again “I am doing this because this” is just another opportunity for him to restate his opinion. It could literally be as simple as where I go to let a doctor tell me I have an ear infection....that’s mind boggling. It’s also been as simple as what park I take the kids to. It’s a small town. There are three parks. He didn’t want me going without him. I do. 

I have realized the fear I feel for him on a regular basis is probably more from the fact that because of my brothers issues I was walking on eggshells with both of them. One explosion caused another and Dads policy was it takes two to cause a problem o don’t care what caused it here are the consequences you’re both getting punished. And then because I “caused” my brothers actions or got him caught or the few times I told my parents what he’d done, I got it again when Dad was out of sight out of mind and I’d better keep quiet and do what I was told because I shouldn’t provoke him again....provoking him was as simple as using the phone, making toast, singing quietly in my own room (I’m actually a talented singer) and basically anything. I’m human and I was a kid so I’m sure from time to time I was unreasonable- I don’t know. He says I wasn’t a good sister and maybe there’s truth to that but I do know I should be able to sing in my room or make a snack without being attacked. I also know I should be able to say no I don’t want to play what he called a game but was a clear violation on my body. I think even though he’s not here, I’m still waiting for Dad to explode. Does that make sense? He won’t because I’m respectful and reasonable but I’m waiting for him to explode. I used to fear the sound of him coming up the stairs. One morning he was in a hurry coming down and I was so scared I hid. I’m 33.....

its a different house but Mom is still here and they’re still the same people. This is really confusing.