wow. you have overcome some truly awful life events. i respect your spirit, and i hope you continue to soar.

i'm hurting. i have been a member here for almost 2 years, but rarely post or reply because i was doing so well, i suppose i put my ptsd on the backburner. recovery from psychosis and more in-patient stays than i can count on one hand. i was doing really well though.

last sunday, i severed my achilles tendon, and just the trauma of hospitals and pain and surgery.

it brought up some familiar old demons.

my light is i'm somehow getting through this, and keeping some kind of cool, and functioning on heavy narcotics that i do not enjoy in the least. it's hard, and i'm facing the fact it has a long recovery time.

so, in the week i've been here, i've read every post, and i can't tell you how deeply comforting it is to me to be in the company of folks who `get it' and how helpful you folks are (even if it's replying to another member's post....the help is universal)

my cognitive skills are somewhat shot, so i just go on feel.

Ouch. Severing an Achilles heel? What pain. I'm glad you're getting through it, and that reading what people offer here helps. It has helped me so much.

You are a very strong person for sure. I am hoping you continue to get well and keep over coming those problems everyday life brings our way. Emotional strength is the cornerstone to recovery. You got it.

Muji, you are magnificent. And you work. That is my goal. Part-time fine, work from home fine. Whatever. You're out there doing it. The stuff that happened to you, bad. Soooo sorry. A doctor over prescribed for me in the 90's. Ibuprofen. I started getting sick and having this weird pain in some region I couldn't quite describe around a kidney. He said, "Eat more." I eat. Then he said, "Take an antacid." I said to myself, This many is crazy and I stopped taking it. I had to have a liproscopic surgery that year, and there is scar tissue on my liver. I am fine. I can't take medication, but I'm fine. I'm so sorry yours got further than this. Our state just introduced medical marijuana bill, and everyone seems to like the idea. I wrote to the guy who introduced it. If I can be of any help, and here's my story. "And most people wait until their kidneys and liver fail, then they have to move to California to get medical marijuana, but it's already too late." I'm sending out the biggest strongest most healing thoughts and prayers you could ever imagine.(I am a Reiki Master, and we do do distant healing.) I'm not going to write about me right this moment, just you. I'll get back to this thread about me later.

Mojo,I can't really imagine what it's like to sever and achilles tendon. They used to do that on purpose to hobble someone. I'm glad you're here. I'm sending good thoughts and healing light.

it's awesome that you can work!! I'm happy for you...sorry you've had difficulties..

i had a very happy experience last week in that i got to talk to one of my DS friends on the phone!! We laughed so much..it was so wonderful to talk to her!! Really lifted both our spirits!

Milla, it was so wonderful to hear your story. So parallel to mine. I've been keeping the faith without the benefit of knowing another person who's been down this road. Now I do! You already were a great inspiration to me many times over. Now knowing that you, too, had to keep in recovery without meds due to internal organ problems with them is encouraging beyond description.

Thanks for the thoughts on medicinal marijuana. I feel goofy for not having thought myself a candidate for it. I've only been in recovery off meds for a year now. It's been a good year, a great year, really, because of the support here that took the place of meds for me. But the thought that there's this option out there for people like us if things get rough adds another tool to hope.

Thanks, Milla, and I feel your Reiki power from where I sit writing this, sister. I kid you not. My heart is full of healing hope. Blessings!

What a wonderful post! My personal work has suffered greatly from ptsd and i have recently made a vow to try to do my very best despite what ever i may be feeling and even though it has been difficult, I have managed well and felt decently good about it. I also received a compliment from a clients psychologist saying that she enjoyed having me as her nurse. I actually allowed myself to feel good about this compliment (even though i destroyed it moments later, lol!) but just having the experience of being able to let it in again was great. I am capable of that and I will continue on. Our work can bring joy and I'm excited to find that for myself again. Thanks so much for sharing, so happy for you! :)

Happy for you, too, belovely, taking pride in doing your best. I'm so glad you got a compliment. Blesssings!

The darkness of the neighbor's light is painted on my wall
Grotesque shadows of inky black dancing in the wind
Linked in a grid with the chaotic glare of boom town urban sprawl
As the metaphor is acted out with electric intensity
When you give yourself the gift of light,
you give your neighbor the gift of shadows.

Yeah, I am still triggering to light/dark metaphors. I resisted for a really long time, Muji... Alas... Sigh...

Speaking of, arfie, have you heard the song "Darkness" on Leonard Cohen's new album Old Ideas? It has the usual genius multi-layered smart levels of meaning found in his lyrics, but this time applied to darkness. I like the bass line and the groove of the song, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWBTEngjktA