When I was in my twenties, we lost over 20 family members in less than five years.... My sis, my dad, many others.... I have had a much smaller family since, obviously. I find that I have an inveterate horror of phone calls (it's never good news), and that I cope by reminding myself that it's okay to be upset and scared of phoen calls, given the history involved. Sounds weird, but letting myself be okay about being not-okay helps me feel more okay. (If you followed that, congrats. I'm not sure I did, and I wrote it.) Just... go ahead and be upset. You've lost a lot. Grief is a weird process and never really ends, so much as it eventually calms into "acceptance" stage, if I recall Kubler-Ross correctly. (And if I don't, I apologize.) It's like a story that has a rotten ending. You just want to rewrite it. But you can't. For me, that frustration is a big part of it....

Much comforting to you.

BTW, I don't control my PTSD. I control my reactions to situations, as best I can. PTSD itself is just part of the package that is "me", now. Like eye color, etc.... I find that viewing it as just "one more part of me" keeps me from screaming (more)....

Hi, Annie. Welcome to the forum.

Pain is pain, Annie. It exists to let us know we are in need of healing. Physically, we can get lethal infections from a paper cut, even while we are busy being grateful the paper cut wasn't a piano falling on our heads. It makes more sense to me to be grateful for the anti-biotic cream that will ease the pain of the paper cut. I gots some, if you want to borrow it.

Not to compare the loss of loved ones to a paper cut. The strictly personal moral of the story is, I try not to compare pain. I take each injury at face value, whether physical or psychic.

But that is me. . .

Gentle support while you sort what it is in your own, unique case. Keep sorting. When you are ready for the next step in healing, you will know what to do. Welcome to the forum. It is a great sort spot.

Welcome from me, too, annie. After therapy gave me a break through in 2007, I've been here at DS PTSD now since 2012. I found a deep acceptance of the fact that I got PTSD from a mix of traumas in my past. They were domestic violence, childhood sexual assault, and combat. I went to a forum about combat, but it left out the other 2. I went to a forum about domestic violence, but it left out the other 2 again. I went to a forum for adult survivors of molestation, but yet again it left out the other 2.

Here, though, I found a forum for talking about PTSD regardless of the source of the trauma. It really has boosted my healing. so I'm glad you found it, too.

As for controlling PTSD, I can't do that, but I've learned how to stop worrying about being "normal." It's normal to get a stress disorder if you have abnormal stress, whatever its cause. I've learned to be "functional" and I just got tenure in a teaching job even though I still have PTSD.

I'm sorry for the pain that brought you here, but it's good that you're with us.

Sorry for what you are going through. Have you tryed EMDR? I have PTSD from being abduted as a child. EMDR has done wonders for me. To unlock the memories that I wished to forget but could not stay there. I highly recomend it.

Scott

Hi and welcome Annie... I think you've been given some good advise... I'll just give ya a hug....xo

welcome Annie, gentle hugs. you are in a good place here. i am Lilly.

What Leo said is good advice. I have PTSD from deaths too. Remember to take care of yourself through all this.

Many thanks Wonderful to meet you all.