Anything that positively impacts your sanity is good for you and what’s good for you is good for your kids. This was before we had kids but I’m a type A personality, always pulled my own weight, wasn’t even married but living with my now husband. I quit my job with no other possible jobs on the line. The only cushion I gave myself was a two weeks notice. I firmly believe everything we do works out for our best interest if we have our best interest in mind. It took me a month to find a job. But I needed the month off to recover from the triggering environment. I went from being a GM in training to being a waitress and my income suffered by about $3K a year. I actually gained benefits and had more control over my own schedule. The next year I got sick and couldn’t work much but they worked with my limitations for over a year and then I got pregnant.... I couldn’t have gone through illness and pregnancy so soon after (such anxiety) as anything other than a waitress. When I felt ready to make some changes and get back to a career rather than a job, I did. I chose something that allowed me to be my own boss so I didn’t have to worry about the on the job triggers. It was right for me. I have no regrets taking a step back into a college students career while I figured out how to manage my issues. When I get anxious about decisions the best thing people here on DS have told me is that they try to do what would make their kids proud. If I ever told that story, I think my kids would be proud of me. I’m not someone to give up. It took a lot of courage to leave without another job in my back pocket but I often couldn’t breathe on the job. I was frozen in fear with grown men yelling at each other and slamming doors. I couldn’t handle it. And had I not quit I probably wouldn’t have had any income while I was sick.

Steadying support while you work it through, MJ.

Healing hopes.

Gentle hug mj.....

I have had the jerk, arrogant boss as well and I think we spend sooooooo much time at work that I believe and still do that it was worth it (for me) to change jobs

I hope that things work out well for you....xo

I have issues with a boss, too, especially since during my 2016 tenure review I had to disclose that my community service was here as Community Leader on DS PTSD--which meant, of course, that I have a PTSD diagnosis myself. The tenure review was a success, but in 2017 I had to invoke my ADA disability rights to set some boundaries.

My take on your specific situation at the moment is that it would be best for you to do nothing with your anxiety on any of your job fronts, though, and that you channel it into meeting with your therapist and venting here. It seems that you have strong cards to play in your hand, so the thing right now is not to mess up how you play your hand. Steady as she goes and all that. I could be wrong, but that's how I'd approach it if I were you at the moment, anyway. Keep venting here so you can ease the pressure, ok?

(Ironically, as I was writing this, my boss called me on my cell phone... Sigh...)

Anxiety can eat you up, sucks. Sometimes putting your thoughts down in writing can help. When I am having trouble with a huge decision I like to sit down and write out a pros and cons list. Maybe you can do a pros and cons list for each option (eg. A. stay with your current job or B. leave)? Put a star next to your priorities and by the end of the day you may have your answer. Support and hugs!

I can somewhat relate to the pay vs sanity argument. I left a job with decent pay because of a poor boss. And I have stayed in a less paying job that offered great trust and respect, knowing I could be making much more. Sanity was my determining factor. If you can make it on the new job offer, consider going for it. Any job that has you this stressed is not worth the money. How "there" can you be for the girls if you're too paralyzed with stress. Prayers for good offers to choose from and for a much better boss.

Thank you so much for your replies. I can’t tell you how stressed I’ve been this week. I’m constantly thinking about my next interaction with my boss and it’s crippling.

Are the job offers for less money?

Sometimes peace...is worth it. Less stress = being a better mom.

Funny you'd mention that, patti, because in 2011 I moved from teaching at the university level to teaching at the community college level and took a 15% pay cut to do it.

It was a hard decision, and at times I've regretted it. But it allowed me to teach courses at the community college from my hospital chaplaincy experience that weren't allowed at the university level because my doctorate is in literature. I loved teaching literature, fiction in the novel was my specialty. I was at the point in my life, though, where I wanted to talk about non-fiction from my real life hospital ER experience with trauma patients as a hospital chaplain. Not just for others, but so I could digest its meaning for my own lifelong, ongoing PTSD recovery, too.

I'm not going to lie, it was a real adjustment for me to make that much less money. I'm not going to lie, either, about giving up the higher status of being a university professor to be a community college instructor. But over all, the sacrifices have worked out for me. I'm not a better mom, because I'm not even a parent, but I think I'm a better person. Maybe not, maybe that's just a rationalization I use to kid myself about making a career killing mistake in my decision. But most of the time it seems so to me.

Lots of support to you, mjfan14. It's hard to make these decisions. Be really gentle with yourself, and know we're with you. You're not alone, ok?