Hello to all members of the DS community, esp to the PTSD group.

I have not had the opportunity to bring all my thoughts together cohesively. Where do I begin?

Well, New Year's was spent in a lovely manner. My new year's was spent with the biggest part of my heart, my niece n her family. My parents went their separate ways in celebrating the new year. I decided that after a long year of challenges and growth, I needed some peace n quiet. The end of the year was quite difficult to bear: the loss of two NYPD's finest, the uproars of protests against the NYPD, the loss of a childhood friend, and the mourning of my anniversary trauma. Christmas I spent it the best way I could, but that's when I learned this childhood friend's death, right on Christmas Eve. I was lousy, miserable, and in need of comfort. So the best comfort I found was mourning what I lost in isolation n the time with my niece.

Now comes the start of a new year and it's already been a whirlwind of amplified emotions n challenges. My sister is due to give birth to her first born son, which makes him my 5th nephew. Her baby shower was well-one n coordinated. Beautiful, to say the least. Because of the heightened emotions of a new mom, our disagreements become full blown and things become out of proportion anger. I am the last person to judge my sister's choices in moving forward with her life, but it becomes tense when it comes to the idea of family togetherness. This may be hitting close to home because of our past circumstances were lived out differently, there is a sense of friction n might be bringing up old residual feelings that she has not dealt with. All and all, my speaking style comes out harsh n quite distasteful, but it comes from a position of wanting to help her. Maybe its just not my call. I wouldn't be doing my job as a sister if I wasn't honest and open with my own flesh and blood. Maybe there is a time and place for that, but it seems to be the checkpoint we keep on coming back to. Sighhhh...

Start of a new year and I am in my last semester as an undergrad
It's all purposeful, intense, and depleting. I am on the edge of my seat and it's starting to come together: I am completing a goal that has been in my vision for long n I am overwhelmed with emotions. But, it brings me back to reality when I come back to the place I lived through hell in. It's a constant reminder of what is next to accomplish. But, I am striving, slowly n swiftly.

In all of these things, I have been able to see that while there is bigger picture to all that is and will happen, the smallest details play a major role. It boggles me that I am still alive, 25, and striving to male a better life for my future n life n for those around me. I am DEPLETED and it's not a joke. I would ask for something in favor: keep your prayers coming n your best thoughts and desires n words, because while I am strong cookie, I am not invincible. Being a super hero for others is exhausting, so I need all that I can receive. It's worth it all but jeez...GIVE ME A BREAK. The last thing I want to hear is anybody's petty complaints, disagreements, and negative messages. Only speak to help n lift others. Because I've had too much to deal with so keep it moving n don't say anything that isn't worth praising or uplifting n pondering on..

Thank you all for remaining true companions n true to each other.

Done. Keep your prayers up and let your heart be true, but never without common sense n practicality. 'Nough said.

Psalm 38.