Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi.
I am clueless and unsure because I have so many medical issues and on top of it my Vitamin levels are low. I have not been feeling well and having some flares up where I have a few times feeling well and then not well. I am seeming to be having more bad days than good. One day my body hurts and the next day something else is wrong.
I try to go outside but not feeling well soo end up laying down. I also recognized yesterday that have not been taken the vitamin D for four days which my PCP increased recently after I did a blood test. I feel so overwhelmed and so tired and worn out. I have been having a bit more stress lately and it is very hard on me physically. I find my self also not able to focus as I can and having the ability to read like I use to which is getting worst (both not able to focus even to read).
Since the camp is finished some of the campers and counselors joined a group chat and one of the campers asked for me to be blocked. One of the counselors called her and the director too. Even now I do not understand why she was been so mean to me and this hit me hard because I try to include and not be mean. The director has been very supportive because she knows me and knows my struggles BUT it hurts and I want to pull away from everything and anything. I told that camper that I forgive her. And I did but I still cry and physically it is hard on me because it was a blow of just been a burden to all. I struggle with been accepted and feel belong in this world and now this. I was encouraged to lay down and rest (by my case manager and director of camp) in order to process and not become sick BUT I have been resting since yesterday and I have so much to do and to be done and has no one to help. Plus this virus pushing me to isolate because I am at risk and my aid cannot visit me more anyone at this time. Now that my vitamin D is low I continue to be a risk my PCP said. Anyways thanks for allowing me to vent.
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I have 3 kids. 24. 17. 15. My 17 yr old has become super defiant. He and his 15 yr old sister have on their own decision stopped going to their dads because he and his household is so toxic.My 15 yr old and myself feel like we have to tip toe around my son who is 17. And physically towers over us and out weighs us. He has become emotionally abusive and on the verge of becoming physically...
You are valuable.
Everyone has something positive to offer.
I hope you feel better after venting.
Hugs.
It would take an effort for me now not to let that one person who blocked me get all my attention. My habit from childhood is to give them all of my attention because they could be dangerous. I'm not kidding, I've written here many times about when my family went out for ice cream in South America once and a guy across the street from the ice cream shop hit our car with a bomb. I saw that guy a split second before he threw that bomb and had a chance to duck that saved my face from flames.
But now living in safety in the USA my therapist taught me to accept that childhood habit helped me survive then. But she pointed out to me that as a safe adult I could now see more than the one negative person in every situation. One bad apple, she said, didn't really always have to spoil the whole bunch.
It's not my habit, but I've been working on seeing the positive majority along with the negative minority in a group.
I have been thinking and crying a lot. All of my life from childhood and to adulthood, I was always not wanted. It has been my life. Nothing changed. I doesn't fit in into this world. Its either I very weird, or my faith, or that I am different that makes me a target. Even among my faith I am pick at. Sometimes I think life was not meant for me. But I keep getting up. For me there is no such thing as Safety or safe. My last Therapist I felt safe with but she is gone.
My current Therapist called it bullying but I have been bullied all my life. Both my case Manager are aware of it. The one is works with me for autism want to take action. She is going to talk to me by Video chat. The Director has been supportive.
But what puzzle me is that this camper told me in text that she did what she did because she missed her sister. Even though she told a Counselor something different to why she said that to me. I doesn't feel welcome anymore.
I know that she said it but everyone kept texting in the chat even after I respond in hurt. I am use to been ignore and left to feel the pain alone yes From a child to adulthood. The same thing happened at work but my administrator try to intervene but minis her and a handful of co-workers, I became a target to a few others.
My mind is going back from childhood until now. I feel old (sorry) because of things like this which is never-ending. I doesn't know if I want to reach out anymore. The Director, case Manager and Therapist wants me to take it easy and allow my brain to process it. But all I know is that I don't feel belong and fit in. My new Therapist asked me to write a poem about how I feel. I need to because I don't feel like me at this time.
Lastly, I appreciate everyone for what you said. Thanks, but my head hurts and I will re- read your comment again but another day.
Same here. My therapist helped me understand that my parents were mentally ill, my dad an untreated bipolar, my mom had untreated borderline personality disorder. What's more, they both came from violent families, which is why we lived overseas while I was growing up.
My parents had 2 of us kids, me and a sister 4 years younger. She fell in line with their mental illness, but I did not. For that, I was "not wanted," as you put it. From the age of 9 I was sent to live in a room over the garage at our house, while my sister's bedroom was right next to my parents' master bedroom. The location of where I slept in the house was just for starters; I was treated like an outsider in my family in every other way, too.
It worked to my advantage, though, because my family was very codependent, and being unwanted gave me a chance at independence that I would never have had otherwise. It wasn't fair to treat me like that when I was only 9, but I turned it for good by learning to be on my own.
It's hard stuff going back through a childhood of being unwanted, though. It took me 12 years of weekly therapy just to get really started. I was a late bloomer. That's all right, we all have our own timing, so be gentle with your little baby soul, ok?
Thanks Musjicap I appreciate you. My only sadness is my ended when I was well In my adulthood. In 2001 A well-known office where I am realize that still happening. I find if hard because at 30 I was rescued. I was put in a special home for Safety reasons and started intense Support Therapy until four years ago. But was transfer to a intensive trauma Therapist three years ago. As an adult I was continuing to be taught that everyone was the bad guys and my training increased which trigger my to pull away. I was been told and monitored my ever moved. If they didn't do this my Therapist Office back then in 2001 would not realize that anything was wrong. I don't feel comfortable sharing. But those who raised me doesn't have a mental illness. All the Therapist I have ever seen agreed. Even my psychiatrist agreed. Those who raised me were and are normal. No mental disorder. One of my Therapist when I was in my twenty said that the same thing after meeting them accidentally.. My childhood sometimes is not what's hard on me but my adulthood. The between 18-30. I never knew my biological parents. Yet seven years ago I finally got out of protective service. Therefore the last seven years as been wow.
It took a while. 18-30 is 12 years. As I've written here on DS PTSD many times, I did weekly therapy for those 12 years but never coughed up the first trauma that set the pattern for all of the rest. That's the one when I was 9 years old and our car was bombed with my family in it once when we went out for ice cream on the mission field overseas where we lived. It was no secret what happened, since it happened to me and my whole family all at once. But I still never had talked about it, not even in 12 years of weekly therapy. That's how closed down I was from childhood trauma.
It sounds like you're not going to take 12 years to open up like I did, rose, and congratulations to you for that. You're really reaching out and opening up here. Good for you. Let us know how we can support you, ok?
I was bullied when I was in primary school to the extent that by the time I got to middle school I had made the mistake of accepting their (non) valuations of me, thought it was my fault, and actually didn't want (on one level anyway) other people to be my friends because that would've subjected them to the same treatment I had received. What happened to me would never be tolerated in classrooms today, but things were different back then and I was damaged/traumatized before I hit kindergarten anyway so I can't really fully blame the teachers or other students (but I'm not blaming myself anymore either). So, where other people walk into a room and assume that they belong because they are present there, I never really have, at least not after that. But I'm working on it - I belong and you belong too.
I know what you mean about no place being safe. My lack of safety started in my home environment. And, as a kid my family was always involved at my school and church too.
I've moved a lot looking for what I would call safety...... jobs, apartments, etc. Never really found any that lasted the way I thought it should.
DS though is a fairly safe place though, I've found. And, what Mujica said about noticing the safe people in the crowd alongside the unsafe ones makes sense. (And Secouya had a good point about seeing if your aide can help you virtually).
I hope the video chat with your caseworker goes well. Maybe she'll have some helpful ideas. Let us know......
Hugs
P.s. I'm sorry you feel picked at sometimes in your faith community. God loves you. Do you need your caseworker to intercede for you, maybe sharing parts of your one-page profile could help or are you self-advocating well there? You have a right to worship as you desire....
Thanks, my session went well. She is very supportive. I don't disclose much to her. I don't know to self Advocate. I don't think she would do anything apart from being supportive because that's all she is doing with the current issue from last week.
She is concerned about my health most of all and for me to rest and Dr self care. I am home since March and view Service online only. My case manager is going to meet with me twice this coming week (phone call and video chat). She has been seeing me ever two weeks but because of event on Tues is doing additional support.