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Boundaries

MammaBear02
MammaBear02

I’m proud of myself for standing firm with my boundaries at home, but feeling childish and insecure about them. Anyone else experienced this? I emailed my therapist asking if the situations needed to be brought up again with her or if I’m overreacting. We will be discussing quite a few things this week. I’m trying to figure out how to look more confident than I feel. Any advice? If it’s not clear this is about marriage counseling. In a way am thankful to be going through this. It’s practice for facing the biggest boundary pushers I know....

Ghostdancer
Ghostdancer
Standing firm and declaring to the person that they are over your boundary and that you are safe despite their repeated attacks on your fortress. Yes I said fortress because it’s with strong thoughts that your boundaries remain firm and unmovable in the face of action against you. Your safety is not childish so your method of fighting back is not childish at all. The attacks are real so why shouldn’t your defenses be real as well. A boundary is virtual yes but behind it you remain safe so embrace the thought of safety and continue your fight. It is the right way to control your fears in the face of this usurper. Blessings
arfie
arfie
Yup, even after years of therapy guided practice, I still feel childish and insecure about maintaining boundaries. I often wonder if that element of doubt is the diff between a healthy boundary and an isolating wall. Just wondering while taking my best guess with each encounter.

Having supportive places to evaluate my doubts sure helps.
BlueSky
BlueSky
I hear you.... enforcing boundaries makes me feel selfish. But it's not about that at all. It's about teaching them how to respect you and your needs. Because a relationship isn't healthy if only one party is reaping all the benefit and the other one suffers. It takes giving and taking on BOTH sides... not one gives and gives and the other takes and takes. Sending strength and support your way as you continue fighting for your boundaries.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I'm like Blue, any time I ask for even the smallest thing for myself, my dysfunctional family training kicks in to tell me I'm selfish.

I've come to say yes, I am, in the positive way of self care. Like when flight attendants tell you in case of a loss of cabin pressure on a plane, oxygen masks will pop down from the console above you. You are to put your own mask on before helping anyone else with theirs.

Hope that helps. From where we're sitting, you're doing the right thing having these boundaries you describe.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I think it takes time and practice to feel comfortable enforcing boundaries..... It would be soooooo nice if we didn't have to

However the people that we really need to enforce boundaries with are always those who have made our lives difficult or uncomfortable

I agree as well with what blue wrote..... It's important to take care of our needs.... If not us then who ya know.

Big hug......xo
Cyndazzle
Cyndazzle
That's great you should be proud of yourself you're doing wonderful and just keep it up if you need to talk I'm here
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