I'm not sure what you mean exactly...Oh, when I remembered about my Dad's sexual abuse on me that began, I'm sure, in infancy, I found that I had no gag reflex for some years, until I dealt with his abuse. Is this what you mean?.

Actually it's the physical pain that you experienced during your abuse carried out while you have a flash back in the present.

I have often theorized it might be the root cause of the spastic colitis which runs through my family like a freight train, as well as the crippling PMS so many women in my family suffer. A few more etceteras I don't care to list.

I know my own colitis and PMS respond well to being treated like stress symptoms.

That is as far as I have gone down the cellular memory trail.

I dealt with him well, and intensely. I remember him and stuff, but I don't "feel" it emotionally or physically. It's just part of my memory past, like anything else. I did feel it ALL during my remembering phase. Yuck and ouch and primal screams and disgust and horror and terror. But not now. I guess I should count myself lucky.

I know exactly what body memories are. The first time I woke up in the middle of night and my body was acting as if were being raped. It was moving on its own and I couldn't stop it happening. At the time I did not know anything much about my abuse though I had some suspicions. I have just finished doing emdr after quite a long time, and while doing it, the younger the memories that I had, the more I experienced the body memories. My therapist theorized that I was pre-verbal at the time and the body memories were the only way my body had to tell me what went on. it totally freaked me out the very first time I had the body memories and I didn't like it and got very anxious and upset when I felt them again as I did the emdr. When I had memories from when I was older I had less memories. As time went on I got less afraid of them though still quite anxious. I think the only way to deal with them is to face them head on and deal with them with help. You have to let yourself feel them and figure out what they are trying to tell you. It's way scary, but if you don't deal with them then you keep having them over and over. I still have them occasionally, but nowhere near as much.

Stella, me, too, pre-verbal. So, I still think the lack of gag reflex while I was in my remembering phase was a physical body memory. I was so young, and he didn't want my Mom to breast feed me, he wanted me to suckle something else, if you know what I mean. And apparently, my gag reflex went away during his physically traumatizing my little mouth and throat. Then that came back when I was remembering what happened.

That's interesting. Some folks have a gag reflex and some not so much. But for it to go away and then come back is interesting to me. I guess if the memories were what held the gag reflex back then it's good you got it back. For me, who has a quick gag reflex, I'd just as soon have one that is not so quick to respond, lol.

I have had so many body memories that I now attribute any physical sickness/pain/ailment to be a clue for abuse healing.

I recently realized that when my hands are in my lap I wrap my right hand tightly around my left thumb. Who does that? What is the reason?

I listen to my body more than my head.

I adopted a name from "Dances with Wolves."

Stands With Fists.

I think clenching my fists did more damage to my hands than all my years of computer work combined. I have come far with it, but it remains a hard habit to break. It takes allot of pain to remind me to lossen up.

I agree, katang. My body often has more to say than my mind does.

Arfie, my name is One Who StandsTall.

And Stella, I do have a regular gag reflex now, not too much, not too llittle, just right. Lol

Katang, do listen to your body, your head will come up with all kinds of rationalizations, etc.plus ego protecting things. But also remember that depressive symptoms cause aches and pains....Just a reminder.

You are right Milla; some days I have aches like the flu.

My name is "The Winner". I took it from a Norman Rockwell painting (irony) The girl is sitting outside the doctors office with a black eye but clearly won.

my holistic chiropractor tells me that our memories that were too hard to wrap our heads around in the past are all stored in our spinal cord and in our body as our memories.... they speak to us to try to get released, and as we remember them, we often re-experience them.

In between my visits, I will note symptoms that i had and always was looking for a physical reason in the past. Now, I realize, that my body is speaking to me, all the memories that I pushed, stuffed, shoved down and would not allow myself to pay loving attention to, acknowledge, feel and release them. ...so little by little, as I get treatment, I feel lots of physical body memories and odd sensations. I have come to believe these are all old, painful memories making their way out of my body, trying to get released.

I believe that these memories are in the brain like all memories are, but very deeply buried below our conscious awareness.

I know that they are real, because I've experienced them. Here's something I've never told anyone...when I'm under extreme stress, I sometimes lose control of my body and go into a corner of the room and curl into a fetal position. While I'm doing this, completely outside of my control, I keep saying "Please don't hurt me".

I do this in highly inappropriate contexts, and it really upsets people who witness it. Seeing someone curled up like that on the floor must be very unnerving. I have no doubt it's part of that childhood fear I grew up with, fear that I have no specific explanation for, other than the fact that my father was a sadistic bully who abused everyone in his family, including the family dogs.

I believe there are deeply buried memories of abuse that haven't yet come to the surface, if they ever will.

Katang, I know that painting. It's great. Yep. She won, black eye and all. Our memories are in our brains, spinal columns, muscles, cells, atoms and sub-atoms. The main thing is to get it out of there and into the Light, so we can not have them stored in us as separate entities. And boy, do I wish us all well. My newest traumas have nothing to do with my father or his sexual abuse at all. They are from my oldest brother, who learned to be a narcissist and hate women from my dad, (yes, learned in this instance) who never dealt with his childhood crap, who dissociates more than any of the people here I've met who dissociate (except a few), and I didn't know he was so weird, not THAT weird, we grew up, moved separate ways....Wow. It's been ten years now. I was injured and he jumped on the chance to slam me. My Mom left me everything and him the executor, I got nothing. Oh, I think I'm jabbering. I think I meant....that old stuff...it can be dealt with. Then of course we have to deal with the new stuff. And I had money, and I could get great health care and counseling, and now after ten years of living off my savings and my retirement account I have nothing. But.....I am worthy and this will change. I was so flattened by him that I forgot I loved myself and did good things for myself. Yuck. We can do this, folks. We can. Together, we can.

Yes, I have those body aches sometimes like the flu, too. Gagging (I was choked by my abuser), clinching buttocks (molestation), chills up the spine....My first symptom of the onset of PTSD for me was cold sweats and fainting spells when triggered, spells that put me in the hospital for tests. So it's not all cognitive, but corporeal, too. The body remembers what the mind forgets, and needs to be part of the healing process, too, imho.