I put on my brave face and try my best to handle the situation as I can. At work, I am fine. In a mall or larger social environment, I freak. Honestly, I still haven't figured it out though. I find some situations don't bother me at all and others trigger the hell out of me.

Have you tried talking to a/your counselor about any of this? Just wondering if someone there might be able to give you guidance.

Being a former member of the teaching profession, I can relate so much to what you are saying.

I taught at the same place before, during and after the trauma that resulted in my PTSD.

I was shy about the whole person in front of/managing group thing at beginning (pre trauma) but slowly developed confidence and was able to work out non-confrontational means to deal w/ 95% of teaching issues. Even became mentor/evaluator of our instructors teaching in my subject area.

What I found to be most important factor to fostering positive environment and minimizing confrontation was the structure I set up for each course at it's outset. I had written policies which I made students aware of the first day of class. (Things like no side-conversations between students when I was up there talking, no disrespectful words or actions towards anyone else, rules about missing assignment due dates etc. etc.). This clarified to students how to succeed and what lines not to cross.

Most importantly I discovered for myself the need to never let them see you sweat, be authoritative but NEVER authoritarian. Uneasy, nervous, defensive feeling new instructors would try and maintain control by becoming domineering, and this was the kiss of death. It evokes instant student resentment.

By having elaborate, clear, upfront standards, I could relax w/ my students, just go in there and be in the moment w/ them. I would be like a gentle guide, occasionally reminding students of standards so they would not accidentally slip off the trail to where we were headed.

After the trauma and getting PTSD there was at least a year where it became much more difficult for me to follow my own cardinal rule about not being defensive. Students can sense when you are wounded, and in a few of them it brings out their testy side. Still I at least outwardly remained calm 99% of the time. Even though there were times I was barely holding on, so much depended upon my need to retain and continue advancing in my career that I just held on and tried to be as calm and respectful and possible, and upheld my guidelines.

When not at work during that time I had few interactions. I lived at home like a soldier in a bunker. But at work I still played my role. Having to do that, was actually a god send, because eventually I was able to relax at work again, and it had a carry over effect to other parts of life returning to something appearing to others as normal.

Have no idea what your current teaching philosophy is, but it may help to review your classroom standards/policies. Having a good working set in place can eliminate all the case by case wrangling with students that can be so trying.

"Avert the danger that has not yet come", translation from Bahavaga Gita.

Perhaps I am not hitting at what you need, just my best shot.

I am also a teacher and I am starting a job at a new school this year. My anxiety is really getting bad-for exactly the same reasons as you. On "bad" days when I am feeling triggered, it is so hard to get up in front of the kids and teach. I almost always have a "plan B" in case ...One thing that really makes me feel calm is reading to them so sometimes I take a break and pull them onto the carpet and just read aloud and then we all feel calmer and can go on with our regularly scheduled plans (I teach elementary school so I can do that) The thing that is the worst for me is back to school night-getting up in front of parents. I have anti-anxiety meds to help with things like that. Good luck and thanks for posting this!

Not a public school teacher here, but my most important aid in holding a hard course is a compassionate support network. Feeling safe to vent and sort through my confusions with detached supporters is critical to managing the inevitable rough spots that are part of any fulfilling adventure. The detachment matters to me. A supportive co-worker can be a preview of heaven, but they can't be as objective as someone who is not caught in the same set of stresses. They are too involved.

I might even start with a post like this one.

Good luck in the new school year. Thank you for your courageous service.

What a great conversation. Really useful information.

Im in college and continuing it this fall. Honestly, I dont know how Im going to survive it. But I have no other choice if I want to be able to function, so I guess something will have to come together..

Twilightstar,

Thank you for posting about college worries. Perhaps you could start a discussion thread about your specific concerns; and give members here a chance to help support you about this.

Starting a new undertaking is fraught w/ worries (sometimes mixed in with excitement) and maybe bringing them to light could help generate coping strategies.

Hugs to you

I'm not a teacher, but I work in a supervisory position and so I do have to deal with confrontations and enforcing policies and procedures. This does make me uncomfortable, but mostly I just suck it up and do it because I have to. I know that's not really advice, but I will also tell you that sometimes I try really hard to put on a good face but do really badly at confrontations. And there are times that I'm so afraid that people are going to yell at me that I put off the confrontation for longer than I should. It's something I'm working on.

Twilightstar, just mentioning the word "college" makes my stomach churn and get all messed up. I dropped all my courses this past spring due to the moving back-in situation at home. That's when my PTSD was just starting. People in my family ask when I am gonna graduate or when I am gonna go back... it makes me uneasy and I just want to hide in my room.

I only have 4 major requirement courses left, plus an elective so I really have 5. I am close sooo close to graduation and it feels so far away. Like many ppl here, education for me had and has always been my comfort zone before, during, and after trauma experiences. The feeling of guilt lingers because I have not completed my education but it's my education. Don't I have the right to do what's right for me? I hateee the looks that ppl give me when I tell them I am not in school. It bothers me. I let their thinking get to me and makes me question my decisions. After all, even my own mom is like " why aren't back in school? Why don't u go back?"

Its very uncomfortable just thinking about it. Anyways, I believe that you can make a forum about college and PTSD. I know I need the help and reassurance from others, like you. I am finally doing something about my life and college is a checkpoint for anyone like me or you.

If there's enough people interested, I know I could probably benefit from such a group as findingkatb is talking about. I've finally gotten back into college as kind of a second chance but I struggle with PTSD and could really use support because it means a whole lot to me to be able to graduate. It's not so much about "my future" anymore but about finishing something, having a sense of accomplishment and being involved and engaged with the world around me.

Let me know if we decide to do some kind of support.... I'lll still be coming here either way though because I need a support system. It matters that I can find a friend to remind me to breath, that I'm safe in the present moment and that somebody out there cares enough to just listen and talk. You know?

Thanks!

I graduated from college in 1980. I have absolutely no idea how I did it. I was incredibly depressed and was in such a fog all the time. I studies a lot and didn't really do social stuff except for getting together with a friend for dinner or something like that. I got good grades. Like I say, the whole experience was a complete for and I don't retain much of what I learned then. I think that if you go in small steps, such as take one class, rather than the full load, you might not be as stressed out by the class. I panicked my way through tests and papers and somehow I did it. I think the studying maybe gave my mind a break from everything going on in my brain. I don't think feeling bad about not finishing right away is helpful. It only makes you feel worse. I also don't think just sitting around doing nothing serves us well. Just more time to think. Maybe if you don't feel able to do school right now, you could do a volunteer job and start with something small, like an hour one day a week or something like that. If it's hard to be around people, you can volunteer at an animal shelter and walk dogs or something like that. Some places need someone to stuff envelopes for mailings. Good luck.

I shared a funny individually with a couple of friends, here, so I might as well share with all. Thanks for the encouragement here. I follow the same policies shared, struggle with the same feelings, and do generally well.

This week I've had some good classes, but today my absent-mindedness got me: I'm a college teacher, so my classes are certain days, certain times. Went to a class and waited and waited--no students. Well, the class was the previous hour. They'd been there, waited for me, and gone. Geezzzzzzz Ha! Oh, well...