Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I can't. Living is exhausting. I don't want to be a part of living when my two favorite people are gone. they both went to a place I can't follow them.
last year, October 25, 2018 my grandpa passed away. My rock, the only person I felt like I could trust, slipped away in a painful way. He had dementia and was constantly getting sick from his weakened immune system. Dementia is a HUGE part of my life. (Kinda why I painted some parts of my car purple, for Dementia awareness)
november 30, 2019, my great grandpa slipped away in his sleep. Simple and painless. But I miss him. My dad told me he was in a hospice about a week before he passed and I tried to make it out to see him and say goodbye. The last time I saw him was October 2018. And I really haven't had time to grieve over him. I've been trying to find a new job (I got one) and preparing for a trip to Florida to visit my boyfriend and best friend.
On top of all of this, my dads family is being completely selfish and taking my great grandmas stuff with them. They're wanting to sell the house for $500,000 and it's not worth 500000 with all it's issues.
Today, my dad warned me before visiting my grandma, that she had dementia as well. And I thought, "oh that's fine. She'll recognize me when I enter."...
but she didn't. She looked at me confused and asked me who I was. And...
it was a fucking punch to the stomach man. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there, frozen. Thankfully my dad stepped in and reminded her. He rubbed his hand on my neck which helped calm me down and I'm just.... so angry and upset! I've lost 2 grandparents in the span of a year and they mean the world to me.
I also visited the site where we put some of my grandpas ashes to see if it was still there and it was. I started crying and just talking. I felt less alone as I sat there talking. Someone put a rose there and that made me cry harder. It's painful and I don't know how to deal. I'm not used to death hurting this much.
-Cry
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
I am taking my lead from a member of our grief support network who found a comforting presence of their lost loved one was awaiting her as her tears ran out. We still miss our gentle son and loving father more than we can say, but ? ? ? Is that his comforting presence we are catching glimpses of, wading through our river of tears to reach us? I believe I see Mama there for her babies, as well, but she was a Facebook stereotype in her treatment of The In-laws. That is not much of a bond to work with.
For sure, I do not believe we give him due honor with thoughts of suicide so we can reach him sooner. There is not a bone in my body which lets me believe he wants that for any of us.
Dunno. . . Taking it one breath at a time. . . Holding the love sacred.