I had a therapist I would have described like that once until she screamed at me when I started crying 'do you want to get better or not?' Obviously she had issues of her own and I triggered them. This is not the same as your situation obviously but the point is that you have to feel comfortable with each other and develop a level of trust. This may happen over time or not but don't be afraid to move on if it doesn't.

I totally relate. Absolutely, you should question if she is right for you, butttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaa...

In my own recovery, I need time to build trust enough to get past my own resistance to going the places that caused my need for therapy in the first place. I flat out didn't feel comfortable going there in a quiet room, much less in front of witnesses. Not a single one of my own effective therapists came out of the box with all the insights I needed for my recovery. Building the relationship took time and effort on both sides.

Only you can know if this therapist is right for you, Mary. Gentle support while you sort all the variables of your own, unique equation.

The question I end up asking is:
---am I reading signals from *me*
or from the *therapist*?

SOmetimes it's both--- we dn't "mesh" with just anyone.

I usually give it three or four sessions, then ask if the therapist thinks we're doing okay, get their read on the relationship.

It's tough to figure out, so take it slow, and know we're here and support you:-)

I can seriously RELATE to your question it IS a very important one!

I have extreme difficulty "trusting" or "connecting to" anyone... so THIS precise question pursues me like an insatiable (insert scary thing of your choice in here)...

It takes TIME to start to relax, build rapport, and you need to feel psychologically "SAFE"... before you can start unpacking stuff...

I've gritted my teeth and analytically "discussed" trauma before from my totally depersonalised and dissociated habitual state... and it could've been better if the counsellor had... had an OPEN discussion with me about coping strategies and defence mechanisms to alert me that I wasn't in a "space" where I'd start to heal...

My current counsellor is a nice person, she's not totally analytical or as academically curious about ptsd as I might prefer, and I do find it moderately uncomfortable when SHE gets upset about my trauma... But, seeing HER compassion for me... is alerting me that I have very little compassion for MYSELF. So, it isn't a bad thing... maybe it IS what I NEED?

What I'm taking from that is...

"Effective" counselling may be uncomfortable
I have no idea what I WANT from a counsellor, lol, arghhh
What I "want" and what I "need" may be two different things...

I've decided just to ride out my discomfort and see what happens BUT I'm also taking a hard LOOK at my responses to counselling and doing my own "healing" research at the same time... I'm not looking at the counsellor as the only source of helpful ideas...

HUGS! Good luck, no answers, probably just many more questions

As a kid growing up in an abusive home, people pleasing authority figures was a survival skill. I'm not sorry I got good at it, because it kept me safe enough to make it out of that home. However, when I went into therapy, it got in my way. I spent a lot of time trying to figure my therapist out, wasting money I meant to spend on figuring myself out.

The therapist who disappeared the most during my sessions, who let it be about me, is the therapist who led me to the most insights that helped me. I don't know if that was about how good my therapist was, or whether I was just tired of people pleasing dynamics and just went for it. But that's how it was for me in finding that therapist who helped me the most.