Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Tomorrow I leave Mexico to go back to the States. Tomorrow, then, it's taxi cab anxiety, airport anxiety, airport security anxiety, boarding pass anxiety, boarding gate anxiety, wheelchair anxiety, customs agent anxiety, a little flight anxiety--y'all know the drill. Wish me luck, amigos.
I didn't do a lot here as far as tours or anything, but that was the idea. I'm committed to retiring here in 3 years, taking early retirement at 62 for my health. My PTSD symptoms have gotten worse with age and you all know that now with kidney disease they can be medicated less. So a tranquil life style is the answer. The idea is to see if I can get around here on a cane going to the bank, to the doctor, to the pharmacy, to the grocery store, to eat, to Sam's Club (yep, they've got one)--can I take care of myself here.
Life here is one half as expensive as it is where I live in the States, so if I can meet my medical needs here living by myself, I can afford the reduced pension of early retirement and give my health a break.
It looks as if from that point of view, this trip was a success. I come back in 3 months for Spring Break again in March. The paid speeches I write here as a professor pay for the trips here. This time I wrote 3, so my trip was paid for. I can afford to return.
I worry sometimes about doing things solo like I do, but it seems to work out. I've got you friends here for support. Off-line here the folks at the hotel know me now and even if our relationship is staff to guest, it's my fourth time here now and they're friendly. They helped me with finding Sam's, finding the doctor, finding the pharmacy, getting the airline to find my lost suitcase--they helped me with living here this time. That's what it's all about, and it puts me at ease.
Back to work now. Yikes. I enjoy my students, but it's getting harder mentally for me to teach, I have to script every class out in writing again the night before and that gets tedious. I let work emails go during my vacation, so like in all work places nowadays, I'll have a blizzard of those to answer, too. Most of them full of sound and fury signifying nothing yet taking up hours, but that's the virtual side of "work" nowadays I know the score. I'm not looking forward to that.
I'm not looking forward to some of the attitudes in the town where I live, either. Some folks don't share an appreciation for Mexico in the Appalachian town where I live so I don't always get to share as openly about my trips and my retirement plans as I do here. I'm glad I do here, it's been so nice on this trip to have so much support for scouting Mexico out and looking forward to retiring here.
I hope my apartment is in order when I get back, too. Once I came home and my furnace had gone out, the pipes had frozen, and water pipes had burst spraying water all over the inside of my place so icicles were hanging from my kitchen cabinets. I have no reason to think my place has been trashed this time, but I still have chills remembering what a mess that was to come home to.
Looking to have less anxiety and better thoughts for the way home.
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I'nm exhausted. This doxycycline thing has ripped me apart and I'm eating crackers and water. I can't take (anything) or eat (anything) except saltines and toast and maybe unbuttered watery mashed potatoes. Are we sure the cure isn't worse than the possible disease?!?!And a week to go. ***Fun cures that WERE worse than the disease:ARsenic. Popular against STDs, which just compounded misery...
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I totally get the stress & reward factor of lecturing. I had to give it up when my Ptsd flared up because of student protests & political stress etc. You can always keep writing your papers tho? Probably do some ad-hoc work for the uni even after retirement. Just a thought.
Hugz. I think your plan is awesome and it gives me hope for my future so thank you.
In the end, your health is the most importing thing we have in. life and it you feel better there, that is the answer, period.
Good luck with the travel back and hope it goes smoothly for. you
Sending you prayers for a safe arrival Muji. Hugs
My sympathies for every step along your path.
Patti
Big hugs
From hearing about your experiences in Mexico & the people there seemed kinder and (warmer) to you than where you are working.
Hope all goes smooth. Glad you enjoyed your stay and found your home of choice.
About retirement it means a lot, especially since it's the biggest step I've ever taken alone in life since I went off to college as a teenager. Kind of feels that way, too, even with the anxiety over health problems, all exciting and everything. That's the approach I'm choosing to take, anyway.
Speaking of approaches: aloha and thanks, Blue. I'll take your check list method on tomorrow for ths short term journey. As you say, for that "shift from anxiety to focus" you mention--to channel the anxiety so it makes itself useful.
Thanks for the good wishes for what I'll find once I'm home. I'm hoping I'll get to rest a
couple more days once I get there before having to start prep for the next semester. That would be
nice. :-)
praying for each step of the way too and for rest along the way for you. gentle hugs, muj xo
on the 5 hour flight from my Mexico City to New York. Real old dude behind me kept guffawing out loud to the in-flight movie between 1am and 5 am on the place. My interactions with him asking him to keep it down led me to surmise old age dementia was involved with his inappropriate behavior.
Then his thigh-slapping laughter would turn into coughing fits you'd expect from someone dying of tuberculosis. I just hoped it wasn't contagious.
After I catch up on my sleep I'll be heading back to my community college for work. I bought a place ticket to go back to the same place in Mexico in March for Spring Break. I'm already looking forward to it. My Mexican friends were really nice to their long lost crazy gringo "cousin" this trip. Ha!