I am so sorry, this must be a very difficult day for you. I am sorry you are struggling. Might be to late to plan for this year, but perhaps next year you can plan to do something special on this day just for you? Would you be able to plan a trip or vacation with friends for next year?

This is my thought on this and I am no expert. I hope I do not offend you or upset you more than you are. I know how difficult it can be to do anything when triggered and anniversary days come up. Having said that, are you allowing the horrible person who did this to you to take away a day from you each year? He should not have the power to be in your head tonight or tomorrow or the following day. He does not deserve to have any space in your head or your thoughts, he is not worthy to share your life anymore.

I feel it might be worth trying to take this day back for you by going out and doing fun things each year at this time. Over time you will have more good memories than bad and have something fun to look forward to each year.

Please don't take what I said as a "get over it" because it is far from that. It is about trying to distract, giving yourself and allowing yourself to move forward by working on finding and anchoring new memories over the old ones. It might not be for you, it might not be the right time or maybe it is. It is about taking the power back that was taken from you by this horrible horrible person.

(((hugs)))

Ally, I've got PTSD from being a kid on the mission field in foreign combat, being raised in a violent home by parents who reacted to the combat around us violently, and then being sexually assaulted by a pedophile along with other kids let unprotected by adults. So I've got a lot of anniversaries to haunt me.

In my time here at DS PTSD I've found that anniversaries are a topic for many of us here, especially the first and second or so, so you and I are not alone, and that helps. It seems that we never forget the anniversaries of our trauma or traumas later on down the road. I suppose that's because the years show us we are resilient enough to make it back around year after year.

But for some reason those first couple of them seem to be the hardest. Feel free to vent about it here if you'd like. In my experience, people here get it. Much support to you.

Hi, Ally. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

In my own healing journey, I have found that loved ones and social contacts make lousy therapists and/or peer supporters. They can generally help me better AS loved ones. I don't keep secrets from them, but I look to my therapy network for my recovery needs while I appreciate the love and support on whatever front my loved ones came to me on. I share my recovery progress with them far more than the details of the therapy which led to the progress. I have no hard and fast guidelines for the distinction. I *just* follow my gut and do what feels right at any given moment.

But each case of PTSD is unique. Gentle support while you find what works for you. Welcome aboard.

Hey everyone, I want to answer your questions and say thank you for helping. My mom is the only one supportive besides my cousin who has helped me through any trauma. The rest of my family either knows and doesn't really "care" or doesn't know. I need to be in therapy and again I talk to my cousin about all of this whenever I need to. Lastly thank you for all the support everyone, I don't have much at home so it is great. Also thank you for being so welcoming.

My apologies for the hurt and anguish you are going through due to the sexual assault. As the others have mentioned sometimes letting others in to share a bit of our pain can help. My prayer is you'll find the love and support you need and are able to find a counselor or a support group of other women who have gone through what you have that you can maybe bond and try to heal with. I'll be praying for you.