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I am dating a man who participated in 2 lengthy tours in Iraq. We are in a long distance relationship - long story, met through his brother (an old friend). He is a wonderful man - at least that is who was presented to me and who I ultimately fell in love with. We talked on the phone and text constantly since March and have seen each other 4 times since mid-July. One of our visits was meeting in Boston where I met his family.We are crazy about each other. He says he can talk to me about things he has never been able to talk to anyone about including details about things he did and saw in Iraq. Anyway - I went to his home for the first time 2 weeks ago. I stayed the weekend with him. I met many of his friends. People said he was diff around me - in a good way. We had fun as always. Nothing bad happened - except for a few dreams in the night which I had become accustomed to. When he took me to the airport we said our goodbyes and he assured me he would see me in a few weeks. However - starting shortly after I left the communication between us got weird. When I called him he was extremely stressed and agitated. I still tried to keep our normal communication lines open but it became weird. Finally on Wednesday night (after leaving Sunday) I got drunken phone calls and text calling me nasty names and just being ugly. I let it go as he was drunk and waited until later the next day when i asked him to call me. He replied and said he was angry at me for not being there and he had to think about all this, it was just too much right now. I said ok - let me know when u r ready to talk. Left him alone and received a text a few days later basically saying he loves me and misses me but this wasn't going to work because I could not be there with him or he could not be here with me right now. Keep in mind these are all things we had talked about. I have actually been the one telling him to slow down as he was rushing things - telling me I am his, asking if I had written his last name as mine, asking if he was the one, asking me to marry him, etc. I received another text the next night saying he loves me and wants to figure this out. He doesn't want to be without me but also doesn't want to live without me. I did not see the text until the next morning along with several others showing his irritation that I had not responded yet. So here we are 2 weeks later. I asked to speak with him last week and he told me he was tied up with clients and would call me the next night. He did not call. Keep in mind I have given him the space he asked for. I only responded to the couple messages he sent. Then the day he did not call as promised I sent a text in jist asking him to help me understand because i am confused and feeling discarded. He responded several hours later saying I was not being discarded he was trying to wrap his head around this and was not ready to talk about it yet. He wanted the weekend (his bday) to relax. Our pics are still up on FB and his bro (my friend) had no clue what was going down. Can y'all help me out here? I am the first to blame something on myself but I know this is not me. Words of wisdom from someone in his shoes? Thank u so much.
Given how he acted over the phone with the angry texts, if I were you, I would take a step back and try and assess what is going on in the relationship. Is he himself around you, or is he himself around his friends? Which version of himself do you know?
Also, you should try and assess whether you are able to deal with his PTSD symptoms and behaviour when he's triggered. PTSD can last a very long time, if not a lifetime. Sometimes, there are many bad days for a long time, and other times things are very good.
Sending positive vibes your way.
While your heart is being tugged. By way of advice, try to remain centered and maybe take the time apart to sort some things out for yourself such as what you find attractive in him and maybe why. There can be something exciting (charged) about what sounds like a conflicted personality. And maybe you have been caught off guard by the quick and what sounds like passionate expression of devotion. As others have said, go slow, eyes open, and play it SAFE.
Well as I suspected. We had a conversation and he is gone from my life now. I was told I am the greatest love of his life. Says no one has ever loved him without wanting something from him until me. I am the sweetest and kindest woman he has ever known. I am the only one who makes him smile. Not to mention pics that show how happy he was. He is always smiling in our pics. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me but the timing is off. Anyway - he says long distance is too hard because neither of us can move. He says he does not want to be without me but cannot live without me. He has to make the $ he is making to meet all of his obligations. His field is not available where I am. He has actually looked. I cannot move anytime soon because of my 10 year old. This heartbreak is different. It is unique to me. I worry about him and want him to be safe and happy.