Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Yesterday some great-grand-aunt or something of mine died (not surprising, that woman was in her 90s).
So my grandmother called to tell me and my mother, and since I can't talk to her more than five minutes without getting into an argument it didn't end well.
My grandmother and I never got along that well (which is the fault of both of us). We're both rather dominant personalities and just rub each other up the wrong way. She's also a rather conservative catholic so being an atheist makes me evil incarnate. (She probably thinks I paint pentagons in my room and try to summon satan by sacrificing little puppies or something, judging by her face when I told her I don't believe in god.)
Anyway, I don't know how close she was with that aunt who died, but the only time I've ever met that aunt I was less than a year old, I haven't heard from her all my life, I don't even remember her bloody name! So my grandmother spent half an hour calling me every variation of 'heartless bitch' she could imagine because I wasn't overly upset about that aunt dying.
Sure, someone dying is sad, but to me that woman was a total stranger! And it's not like it was some tragic accident or simething.
Maybe I'm being too hard on her, as I said, I don't know how close they were, but she started again about that crap about me being an evil person and that pissed me of!
I am not heartless, am I? I didn't even know her! Okay, I am not exactly an emotional person, and I have no baseline to see how I should feel, I got PTSD too early in my life for that.
Maybe I should be upset that she's dead, she's apparently a member of my family after all but I can't be, for f*ck's sake, I don't even know her name! Does that make me heartless?
How should I feel?!
I hope I didn't offend anyone religious here, I think that religion/faith can be a very good thing, as long as everyone respects the choices others make for themselves.
So my grandmother called to tell me and my mother, and since I can't talk to her more than five minutes without getting into an argument it didn't end well.
My grandmother and I never got along that well (which is the fault of both of us). We're both rather dominant personalities and just rub each other up the wrong way. She's also a rather conservative catholic so being an atheist makes me evil incarnate. (She probably thinks I paint pentagons in my room and try to summon satan by sacrificing little puppies or something, judging by her face when I told her I don't believe in god.)
Anyway, I don't know how close she was with that aunt who died, but the only time I've ever met that aunt I was less than a year old, I haven't heard from her all my life, I don't even remember her bloody name! So my grandmother spent half an hour calling me every variation of 'heartless bitch' she could imagine because I wasn't overly upset about that aunt dying.
Sure, someone dying is sad, but to me that woman was a total stranger! And it's not like it was some tragic accident or simething.
Maybe I'm being too hard on her, as I said, I don't know how close they were, but she started again about that crap about me being an evil person and that pissed me of!
I am not heartless, am I? I didn't even know her! Okay, I am not exactly an emotional person, and I have no baseline to see how I should feel, I got PTSD too early in my life for that.
Maybe I should be upset that she's dead, she's apparently a member of my family after all but I can't be, for f*ck's sake, I don't even know her name! Does that make me heartless?
How should I feel?!
I hope I didn't offend anyone religious here, I think that religion/faith can be a very good thing, as long as everyone respects the choices others make for themselves.
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If your grandmother truly calls you an evil person, in those words or similar words, I would advise you to avoid her as far as humanly possible. She sounds toxic.
He molested my sister and two female cousins. Social services took the cousins away from their mother (my aunt) because my aunt had entrusted them to dear old grandma. My aunt was devastated, and ended up getting divorced over it and drinking herself to death.
Oh, my grandma was very religious.
No, I don't think it's heartless, though I was accused of being heartless by everyone in my family and church when I broke off contact with my grandmother. Just this past Saturday at a restaurant in town I happened to run into one of those church people, a family friend, who thinks that of me. Oh, well.
People can be nice and they can also be mean as hell. They don't know how to control their lives so they exist to control other people's lives. Just take control of your life and when one of these busybodies comes along and tries to tell you how to live, tell them to buzz off and find someone else.
Needless to say, not only do I not get terribly upset when I hear they died, I often don't remember they're a relative. It's sad, yes, but it's not the same as losing someone *close*. believe me, been there, done that.
You are definitely not heartless.
Sigh. . .
Gentle support while you sort your own, Neo. Of course I cannot know, but I suspect you do have plenty of heart. Now to get it to behave according to the prevailing shoulds and oughts? ? ?
Or am I just losing my grip again??? Guess I oughta do something about that? Maybe today will be a good should day. . .