Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
A bit of my history first. First time I showed signs of PTSD was while working in a call center back in 2002. I had a "customer" that was yelling and sounded like my mom - big trigger, flashback and all. I did not know at the time what was going on. Only saw a psychologist 3 times and he said it was stress. Lost that job and had to climb back up. But I did not have a diagnosis. Went through life by shear will for a few years. Went to college, graduated with good degree in engineering. Got my fisrt engineering job 1.5 yrs out - Great Recession sucked. Between college and engineering, I worked another call center for IT and it went fine.
Got engineering job, moved, husband's mental health tanked and he became disabled. So I struggled taking care of him, commuting over 2hrs a day and working over 60hr a week. See where this is heading? I did not take care of myself and the PTSD came roaring to life. Have been battling it since 2011. I had PTSD since the 1990's but no doctor ever connected my symptoms.
In the present, I am legally separated from husband. He became abusive and I said no. So I have a protection from abuse order since last October. I lost a lot of financial support. Not only his disability but his parents had been helping us. So I took the first full time job I was offered- doing call center work from home. I pushed through training while I was sick. I got to the point my doctor had me take 2 weeks off to get over infection - my voice was shot. Yesterday was the first full day on the phones while being mentored. It was nightmarish for me. I cried at one point and that was not ever that bad a call. I'm up now with my heart pounding and shaking. My schedule has kept me from seeing my therapist for a month so I don't know when I'll get in. I am trying hard to not have a panic attack. I am afraid I will get that woman that sounds like my mom yelling at me. What have I done to myself?
I have started looking at other jobs in engineering but I'm afraid there too. So much of my experience with my engineering job is tangled with dealing with my husband. I'm afraid to fail again. But I can't live waking up at 4:30 every morning shaking, heart racing, dreading getting on the phone. I need a different future.
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
ryverrat! Holy cow, though, you've been through it ALL since you were here last. Marital separation stuff, career stuff, financial stuff, PTSD stuff. I went through that all at once in 2000 and it was devastating. I was in a face to face support group then, and I still ended up in the hospital from it.
Fortunately, after 4 days there my face to face support group friends came and I was checked out into their care. I got through what followed directly from peer group support.
So let us be your support through this as you head into that future you mention. I'm living my future now, thanks to support, so I know you can too. It won't be easy, but it can be real.
I retired from engineering and construction in 1995 and my children are no longer children, but the conflict is still with me. Don't wanna co-opt your thread, but. . .
Gentle empathy, Ryver. It's allot to sort.
I am I just lazy or copping out to miss work yesterday? Those are the ideas that are running through my head even though my psych doctor said I have more grit than anyone she has seen. I really don't feel it. I don't want to lose another job but I've only been there 1.5 months and understand they need someone that is dependable. I am just under so much stress and I'm trying not to crack.
Which is more important - keeping my mental health in a non-crisis state or keeping a job?
you are going forward with new information. reassessing as you go. smart cookie xo