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Allowing Change

arfie
arfie

For those who don't remember, my eldest son (36, Narcolepsy) has been in psychotic episode for most of this year. Nothing new. He has been riding this particular cycle since the onset of his Narcolepsy more than 20 years ago. He is not even they only nut in the family tree. We all have at least one dysfunction to bring to the family dynamics. When one member of the family cycles, everybody cycles. It is a rough ride, but it feels like some real change within the family dynamics have been looking possible within this particular cycle. Maybe. Could be. Perhaps. We see what rises from the ashes. . . For sure, the desire to "learn some new steps to the dance" has been a consistent topic within the family dialogue. It sure is hard to describe real change. Bio-organisms can't change as radically or rapidly as a digital web site.


So. . .


How do you know when real, sustainable change has happened within a family unit?


How do you foster and nurture that personal change into the living treasure you always dreamed of?

silverlight
silverlight
i am most likely the very last person who ought to be replying to you on this,as i am estranged from 99% of my family..but i wanted to reach back to you as best i could.i can only imagine the pain you have gone through with your son,the turmoil within your entire family....but i hope there are are memories,close to you,that you can hold fast to...a light in your son's eyes,laughter with your family,a day of peace,which you can hold fast to..which you might be able to trust now might just be returning,even if in those seemingly little ways..forgive me if this is all far off the mark of what you were getting at,or too syrupy sweet to be tangible......but,arfie,day to day,moment by moment,Trust.Hope.Much support to you.
arfie
arfie
Thanks silver. Whatever our family circumstances, the need for personal and/or relationship change is the number one reason for psychotherapy. Yet, when it comes to actually allowing change to happen, that change don't come easy. How do we allow it?
jewells1
jewells1
With my daughter we are moving back to when she loved me without conditions. But that took a lot of long talks about these classes, which she took several years ago. But She never looked at my life like those described in the books, now she is seeing it. I hope your son is gathering in and processing some of the information on the effects of what spills out on others when we lose it. No doubt he may have actually looked at it from his view only, but if he turned his perception to what he bleeds off on others...then just quietly accept. It takes a few big booms in our understanding of our perception to see our part in the process. Do this may be the two steps forward and one step thing for awhile, until he learns to lead himself and avoid stomping painfully on the toes around him.
Hugs. J
positiveoutcome
positiveoutcome
(((Supportive Hugs Arfie)))
dsf95
dsf95
I'm really trying to have better relationships with family. I just have to watch my own behavior and view all relatives with eyes of love; that's all I can do.
looney1
looney1
I'm struggling with that too arfie. We will get through it together I guess. I sometimes think I'll have it all figgered out just in time to die lol
arfie
arfie
I have begun to wonder if I should be treating, ". . .just have to watch. . ." like a psycho flag. Seems like anything I attach, "Just have to watch. . ." to grows into one of my obsessive thought loops and eventually my over-developed repression habits kick in. For my reactive nature, repression eventually equals another rage episode. It has been an all-family weekend here at the Urban Homestead and. . . So far, so good. It feels like we have maintained an excellent balance between letting hard facts be hard while leaving space and energy for embracing the good stuff. Seems. . . My old hyper-vigilance demon is still looking for daggars behind the backs.
arfie
arfie
The "Phoenix Rising" is still the grounding image which is serving me through this transition. When I start to worry about where the potential negatives are hiding, the animated image of the beautiful bird rising from the ashes reminds me to just let the ashes of the old fall away. Just rise. Just fly. Just breathe.
silverlight
silverlight
all my support,arfie....and i am glad the image of "The Phoenix Rising" brings you solace...
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