That does seem difficult, but not impossible. Have you looked into free legal aid in your area to help you with getting and order for supervised exchanges of custody. Do you have a Protection from abuse ruling against him as a result of your past abuse from him.
Regardless of how long ago you experienced abuse from him, you still have rights and it is going to have to be you that exercises them.
And until you have exhausted all measures possible you will have nobody to blame but yourself. Would you want to go to a family member's home if you knew that they were going to be payed a visit my their extremely violent ex who at the sight of them your relative cringes because you know that that man raped your relative and beat her? They are human to and need some slack from you I believe. I am not trying to be harsh with you at all, I am only showing you the more broader aspect of the picture that you are unable to see, which happens to all of us when we are caught up in emotional distress.
I hope I have been of some help for you, and hope you are blessed as I am, because This is written to glorify God, not myself, for if it weren't for Him I would not be here today.

The only place I found for free legal aid was only for criminal cases. I had a court order for protection for two years while he was on probation for the abuse but a renewal was denied because he hadn't contacted me personally for 6 months, only through the court.

He never even showed up or called so I feel better.

It seems there is going to be "contact" at this visitation and so I would get this protection order in place right away, even if the meeting is supervised by an outsider because he may try to intimidate you in some way and I know that would be emotionally terrifying.

If you don't get some back-up for this then you had better be prepared to be very strong and draw your boundaries regarding any attempt from him to touch or threaten you. If you play the "victim" role, it will encourage him to intimidate you. If you stand your ground as the mother of your child who has moved on in life and realizes that the law states a father has a right to see his child also, perhaps all will be well.

I am sad that no other person will accompany you to this visit (even a counselor, but isn't that what these supervisors are?) but life requires great courage from us sometimes. If you show fear instead of strength, he will feel powerful. If you show strength instead of fear, he will sense your new boundaries and think twice about trying to intimidate you. Focus your heart and energies on being mom and carrying out an unpleasant task that simply has to be done for now as ordered by the court. Find your courage, we all have it but don't confuse anger with courage. Courage quite often requires a quiet inner strength to face our fears. Do not allow him to succeed in intimidating you. You can choose to simply remain neutral to the situation, breathe deeply with love for yourself and your daughter. Believe that this is only a task in life required for the moment and that in time, if you draw your boundaries against being mistreated in any way by anyone, life will improve for you and your daughter. You can even wish your ex-partner well in life and hope that he will get some intensive therapeutic help for his sadistic anger-management problems. That doesn't mean that you would have to consider ever letting him back into your life again.

My goodness, try to insure the next partner in your life is a kind-hearted, decent and honorable person with proof of this (good work ethic, honest, no alcoholic/drug addiction, gentle and kind-hearted, not a child perv., etc.) and a length of "time and observation" to know if he is hiding any weird personality dysfunctions from you.

Hugs and good luck Guinevere.

Ask your family doctor for help to get some counseling therapy for this. My therapist did some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with me and it truly helped with the nightmares and my understanding of the meaning of them.

Hugs and good luck.

Hi sister,

I'm glad that he backed out of this visit. It gives you time to plan for the next one. I'm also angry that courts would allow a man who beat and raped his wife to visit with his little girl, even supervised. Someday we'll get those laws changed. For now, though, here's my suggestion to prepare for next time:

Find a women's shelter near you. They may be listed in the Yellow Pages, but if not, call a local hospital. They will certainly be able to get you a phone number. Many women's shelters have additional services like counseling, legal assistance, women's advocates, etc.

Contact them, tell them your situation, and ask if they have any services that could help. The benefit of contacting one of these organizations is that the folks who run it "have been there." They understand what you've been through and what these visits feel like to you. They may be able to help in ways you haven't even thought of.

Take good care of yourself and your little girl. If it's as nice where you are as where I am today, I think an ice cream is called for!
~ Wistala