bieng afraid for your life is mind altering , i understand how you feel i really do i am afraid to go out there and get hurt i have gotten so i have huge trust issues there times it gets me but i guess you just got to pick yourself up and do it but its dam hard sometimes .here a genital hugs minnie .

I can relate to the part of feeling this is personal. You are obviously not letting life run you over, but when event after event happens like that, it feels personal. Like not chance, but why me?

Healing and some distance (in time, possibly a change of scenery) could help it come into context. You are here for more than the series of traumatic things that have happened.

What does intelligence have to do with it? It has nothing to do with Smart or Stupid. It is an emotional response, not an intellectual process.

You got as far as making this post. Sit with it a while and see where it takes you.

One of the common elements of ptsd is the feeling that you will not live as long as others. I've been expecting my premature demise for many years now. I have to remind myself that this is the ptsd talking and not the real me. Like you, I've been in a fear-based lifestyle. It can look like depression but I'm really not sad. I like my home and generally feel safe in it. The trouble is, it's an incomplete life. I've been trying to do a few normal things with built in safety nets. I went to a movie a few weeks ago with my spouse. We sat where we could leave easily, I rehearsed breathing and counting, reminded myself I could close my eyes and plug my ears and had a zanax in my purse. The experience went pretty well. I plan to go to another carefully chosen movie this weekend with my daughter. She's a rock and knows when to remind me of daisies and butterflys. My aim is to practice this stuff safely and get some sense of control back. I'll never pick a movie at random again, but I may be able to go whenever I want and not stress out someday.

Part of the curse of ptsd is that it keeps your mind stuck in the yuck of the past, the stress of the present and the worry about the future. I try to reframe it to the things learned from the past, the options I have in my present, and the gift of the future.

I am sitting here reading what you wrote and feel so much. Every word you wrote I can sympathize with. I feel like no one understands. they are always walking around oblivious to what can happen. thank you for posting this I really hope that I can find solace in other people who have also experienced these things.

It's hard to get out there again. Everything goes into slow motion when we experience a trauma, and may even freeze life for us. And then somehow we're supposed to get back up to the old speed again, just like that. Don't worry if you don't feel it ought to work like that. Be easy on yourself, take your time.