I'll have to read that later, but will.
I know there's a few men in the incest survivors and the sexual abuse support groups that face your same issue.Just start a thread. Also have you tried
www.malesurvivor.org
Hope you find it,
Blaine

Rape, sexual abuse and incest are very different from the forms of abuse I have endured. Seeking support in those groups is about as likely to yield suitable/appropriate support as this group is in regards to the type of abuse I have gone through. It would be like someone seeking support for ptsd in a support group for an issue that is only mildly similar in some ways.

I have also checked that site before, but it is focused on sexual abuse, rape and incest. The only group they have there that even mildly related is still filled nearly exclusively with discussions about sexual abuse and incest, and has little traffic the last I checked.

Are you seeing a therapist? Are you taking any meds?

These are social issues, Sleepy. We work on personal issues here. You still haven't gotten personal.

I am sorry I am a woman??? I am sorry you hate me for it...

Social justice achieved???

I note the physical and emotional abuse group on DS has men posting, some of whom are with or are in the process of leaving women who are real pieces of work.
I float over there.
My ex ( a trans woman) was emotionally abusive.
My current GF's previous...um...whatever she was...was physically, emotionally and financially abusive. I call my GF's ex " the creature from loch Biatch."
My mom was physically and emotionally abusive.
I think very few of the posters here need to be told that women can be evil.
Traditional masculine roles...hurt men too.
The article does this to women:
https://therearenoothers.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/othering-101-what-is-othering/
If you see all women as the stereotype that author paints, chances are reality will bombard you with shallow, gold digging, dishonest and cruel women.
I dunno why it works that way, I just know that it does...either unconscious selection bias or something way weirder than that.
I mean, I think you really want to find someone, but I guess you're terrifically frightened you're going to connect with someone terrible again? I think building supportive friendships, if ou don't have them, might

...might be really helpful.
Hit the add button while typing on the IPad...maaaah.

I'm really confused as to what you want us here to say. Could you please define "support"?

@CrazyCanuk:

I've shared this a few times before, but to reiterate: I am unable to afford treatment or therapy of any kind. The situation for people with disabilities and/or mental health issues where I live is deplorable to a level that sounds almost exaggerated.


@arfie:

I've gone into the personal aspects of my issues quite a few times now, but each time it all gets dismissed, trivialized/minimized or gets me attacked for bringing up the personal aspects of my issues. Given that and how nobody here seems to have been able to understand what I posted about in this discussion to try to clarify my frustration (or see a single negative comment about the female gender and immediately dismiss what I have to say as "hating women") I am feeling more and more inclined just to feel hatred for the human race in general.


@bluedragon:

I've tried reaching out on the physical and emotional abuse support group here a few times before (and still post there fairly regularly), but didn't find as much support as you seem to feel would be found there.

Discussing my problems in that group makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells since most of the members of it seem to be women discussing horribly abuse male partners. It makes me feel very uncomfortable when the atmosphere in that group is so heavy with comments about men being abusive.

Plus the times I have spoken up and tried talking about my issues there haven't met with much more success than they have in the ptsd group. Just a ton of dismissal and empty words.


@leo:

I would like support in dealing with the psychosis that is constantly on the edge of my mind. I would like to be able to know/see/believe that all the people I've been abused by throughout my life actually are just a minority of the people in the world and that there are plenty of women out there that aren't like that and won't automatically dismiss or trivialize how I feel. That most of them aren't inherently inclined to accuse me of things if I speak up, and that the fears and paranoia of my periods of psychosis are unfounded.

So far I have yet to find much of that except from maybe 2 or 3 members on this site.

Ah, gotcha. Thanks for clarifying. Support's a tricky word for me, see, because some people think it means telling me how I *should* feel (argh) or how other people have it worse than me (which I know, argh)....

Reassuring you the a-holes are in the minority? No can do

I'm 44. I've come to realize *everyone* can be an a-hole. We each have it in us to be one, and each of us acts like one.... the trick is, keeping that a-hole percentage of ourselves low and on probation. I mean, let's face it, pain makes people lash out, right? So everyone here can probably name a dozen times they said or did something hurtful in a moment of pain---and probably feels awful about it to this day---whereas others go through life being a-holish without a second thought or much provocation beyond some sicko sense of humor (trolls on internet sites come to mind)----and most people I suspect are about 10-15 percent a-hole (okay that just sounded weird...) but the good, nice, and even indifferent far outweighs it. And there's degrees of a-holery.

Example: TW TW TW My dad's sister killed one of their siblings. Slow an dhorrible. She may also have helped her own aging mother off this mortal coil by way of pillow. She is one of the few few few on this planet I truly fear. Always did, even as a tiny tot. Is she a really nasty person? Yep. Would you guess it by her daily actions and interactions? Actually, yes, her a-hole factor is about 9 outta 10, with 10 being.... uhhh....
TW over

By contrast, my mom's brother. He is a big thoughtful, conscientious teddy bear. He prays for me, he worries about me, and he barely sees me since I'm 500 miles away. His a-hole factor is a 1 of 10 at most---and came out mostly when he'd had a long day and his kidney stone issue was acting up and he was in pain. So I find it easy to forgive and understand his a-holery, since it's far outweighed by his good thoughts, actions, and so on.

So if Zero is Perfectly Angelic and Ten is Perfectly Evil.... I'm probably a 5. When in severe emotional pain, I tend to be very very quick-tempered and snippy, and while I apologize within a minute or two at most, hey, gotta call it like I see it. I don't harm animals, children, or the environment (if I can help it); I cry at sad movies; but I fear a lot, and that can keep me *RE*active.... we're talking, poke-a-stick-at-a-porcupine-it-rolls-up-and-quills-you reactive. I'm working on it, but that's the best I got on my own account.

And it's okay to be frustrated, angry, or downright terrified---if you don't take it out on others. And I think a lot of people don't even know that they're being so rude. They're stressed and trying to shut out the world, and while that isn't exactly *nice*, it's not true *a-holery* like knowing you're screwing up and doing it anyway and not caring. When called out, a lot of people do make an effort to alter their ways. (And then some insist they're never in the wrong, which his a serious red flag on the a-hole-o-meter)

Did that make any sense?

I'm working this out as I type, sorry. I swear, the older I get, the less wise I am. Maybe a toddler has it figured out, because I sure don't.

Anyway---no, not all people are inherently evil or out to get anyone. I mean, are *you*? So, there ya go.

Well, I have no idea if that was supportive, but generalized healing hopes are sent in your direction as usual...:-)

No one should suffer abuse, men or women. Social stereotypes, discrimination and so on are never good things and do happen to men too.

@SleepyWalrus if you're in the states you might be able to get on Medicaid or medicare and get therapy paid for that way. You should try talking to a resource person at a mental health center about options.
TBH I wish you would post on the male survivor site a few times and see if people give you a chance. Just because it isn't completely tailored to your situation doesn't necessarily mean you won't find support there. I just think you're limiting your options too much. IMO.

I think it comes down to abusive people Sleepy... whether they are men or women they are people who are willing to abuse others not just women in general

I've seen people give you a lot of support here and sometimes it seems to me at least that it's dismissed

I know I would like to give you a gentle hug and I've seen that many here want to give you a hug

I know you've said that you aren't able to get into therapy right now... There are cognitive therapy programs online you could get into or books on a cognitive type of therapy that I think could really help you

Starting to see yourself as a survivor sweetie ...changing your perspective on life could make a massive difference on so many positive things for you... It would be wonderful to know that you were thriving and I think that you could be

I know that your perspective is your reality... I also know that it can change for you if you want it to...It will take work but you can get there... Survival feels good....x

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

No humans to hurt you there...just automated cognitive therapy, for free.
You're in a lot of pain, I get that.
I'm honestly frustrated, because I can't seem to offer anything you find helpful at all...
I suggested, if finances permitted, getting a bodycam to prevent weird accusations or abusive actions aimed at you at work...but I guess your state does not allow this?
I also said that getting more friends in meatspace would be a good idea, because it generally is.

I can't fix society right now and by myself. That takes a lot of people and usually several lifetimes to do.
It is good to rake over the past, yeah, recover the parts of yourself you lost. You're angry. You have a right to your feelings. Be outraged. Don't ever let anyone crap on you like that again.

Ok, have to get ready for my work, where I pretend to work, and they pretend to pay me...

Hmm...what is it that you need from us, Sleepy, and aren't getting?
O.o
I mean, I really honestly have no idea what you need from us.

I read the entire post on the link you suggested, but I cannot understand. It's insensitive and stereotypical ignorance. "Society's expectations" boil down to perspective, you can choose to put on the blinders and believe everyone is the same, or you can be an individual who breaks free and doesn't let anything hold you back.

Being a female, who has only been abused by women. I understand where the sense of mistrust can arrive. I refused to let my abusers change the course of my life. When I could have easily put all women into a box, I choose to see life for what it really is. There's good and bad people of all genders, all religions, all ethnicities and all backgrounds. I'd rather find good in the world, than waste my time trying to put everyone into a box. I don't know everyone until I know them, I don't assume, I don't judge, I don't stereotype. Everyone I meet in life, I approach in the same light, with an open mind and an open heart. People will surprise you more than you'd imagine.

I sincerely hope you take the suggestions of others. Don't be so quick to assume you're out of options for therapy. I know getting medicaid is difficult unless you have children, so I believe that's probably not an option. Open enrollment for obamacare is currently in status, based on your income you will be able to qualify for a subsidy to help pay for health insurance. It's absolutely worth every cent to take the initiative to better yourself and your health.

@leo:

With each passing week I feel more angry at the world in general. At times I feel like the world would honestly be better off if all human life were to just be wiped out.

There are too few people in the world who seem able to be decent human beings towards others. Even the numerous courses on sociology and psychology I took in college to try to find answers inevitably pointed towards the most fundamental of human nature being twisted like that.

It's getting harder and harder to think of human nature as being anything other than inherently bad.


Maybe there is just an abnormally high concentration of horrible women where I live compared to the rest of the world. The state I live in does have the highest rates of domestic abuse and rape in the country. It also has a relatively small population compared to other states. So maybe that's way there's so many of them here.


@Rizen:

The state I live in is one of the Red states that refused to go along with the healthcare reform in the US. The state government (specifically the now former governor) refused to expand Medicaid and also refused to accept any federal assistance to cover the costs of expanding it to cover the people who can't afford any insurance.

Not that it matters much though. Most doctors and such in this state refuse to accept Medicaid anyways since it doesn't pay them enough and the cost of living in this state is higher.

A number of years back the state also cut funding for services to help those with disabilities and mental health issues by about 2/3 and refused to accept and federal assistance. As a result most of the services in my state that help provide assistance and affordable care to such individuals went under. The few that remain are either unable to afford to accept any new applicants; or are ones that require applicants to live in poverty, with no source of income other than the meager amount they pay those using their services (and the money can only be spent on things/doctors/meds/etc that THEY approve of).

Social services in my state aren't much help either. The courts seem to have called them all but flat out "criminally incompetent" since they won't step in to help until there is a dead body. That includes overlooking nightmarish abuse (the type you might expect to see in horror movies) being committed right in front of their workers.

The problem of lacking mental health services in my state is so bad that there was even an article in the papers a few months back about it. Apparently the waiting lists to actually get treatment as so unbelievably long that most people seeking professional help eventually end up give up trying to get help (and even then the waiting lists remain impossibly long).


@SunCloudJD:

I've tried the self help methods in the past while growing up and as an adult. Most of my experiences with that route have not very good. Each time it just seems to attract more of the types of people who try to abuse or manipulate me through things like coercion.

That doesn't exactly do much to help change my perspective on things.


@bluedragon41:

I've mentioned this before at one point, but I've tried the method of using a recording device as protection. It's also legal where I live. Oddly enough it had the opposite effect from what was hoped. This is why I kinda prefer security cameras installed in locations I'm at (such as work or on campus or in stores). Those are much harder for abusers to go after.


@mellow:

I don't care for how you're trying to justify the treatment me and plenty of other men face on a daily basis by calling it "ignorant" to call anyone out on it. Sounds far too much like more of the abuse I've endured over the years.

I'm also guessing that the women who abused you DIDN'T make up the majority of those you have encountered/interacted with through out your life.

I tried not to stereotype either for much of my life. It gets hard not to when so few of those you encounter aren't like that though. Trying not to see most women in that light resulted in serious depression and self-worth issues for me while growing up. It was either believe that most of the women I encounter are abusive or believe that I just have some invisible train inherent in me that somehow causes many women to abuse me.

It certainly didn't help that some of them would try to justify the abuse by explaining to me that women "need" to be able to treat some quiet/introverted guys badly in order to feel "safe".