There is a thing called, "Help Seeking Denial." It is where one is constantly seeking help, but every scrap of help offered is harshly criticized and thoroughly inadequate in the eyes of the victim.

What you feed is what grows. What you find depends on what you look for.

I have no doubt you are growing angrier by the day. You feed it well. You seem to look for it constantly.

Praying for you to open yourself to relief.
Hoping you will stop beating us up. It hurts.

I will be ignoring you from here on out. You may have been abused, but it's no excuse to come on here and abuse others. You have hurt my feelings and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

@arfie:

It's hard not to grow angrier when I keep encountering members making sexist remarks like how it's "ignorant" to be upset by how you're treated by many members of the opposite sex.


Also, there is a reason I am so critical about choosing resources to help me. I've explained it several tomes before, but nobody here ever seems to care much about it despite how serious it it. The simple version of what that reason is is that it is a matter of safety involving risk to human life.

I'm just following the advice of the people in the physical and emotional abuse support group about being careful and making sure you have a SAFE plan in place for getting out of a potentially dangerous abusive situation.

It's a little upsetting that despite how many times I explain the details of why it's unsafe the regulars of this group never seem to pay attention to those details and then accuse me of being difficult when I turn down suggestions that are either financially unfeasible for me or would be unsafe options in my situation.

Prayers in progress, Sleepy. May a Healing Touch find you. May you recognize and embrace it when it comes.

I am not trying to be difficult or upset you, but maybe you can tell us what you are doing to get well? 70% of getting well is up to us, 30% is provided by meds. What exactly are you doing if you are not using self help anymore, cannot afford therapy and have turned down any suggestions here? I am not trying to come down on you, I am just interested in how you are managing? What does work for you? What is your plan for getting well? What is your plan for handling anger so you do not snap and do something that will land you in jail? What is your plan for not blaming all of the opposite sex? Men and woman are both able to be abusive, not sure one is worse than the other. It is tragic you were abused and you are not the only one on this board who has been abused. It is heart breaking to hear some of the stories and it makes me sick to hear others.

You are in a really bad spot right now, you need to get a plan together of how you can get well without normal supports in place? Are there any free groups you can go too? Is there a mental health society new by that you can go to? If you are on disability can you access therapy with them?

Are you practicing any of the DBT skills you learned in the self help stuff you have done? I know people who have had to do DBT 3 times in order to get it to work for them. Maybe it is worth another look and try?

Do you journal? Do you exercise? I would suggest exercise it is great for getting anger out of your system. You need to get that anger moving before you can get well. Anger will only make you sick in many more way than your mind. Anger is hard on your body and it will start to break down.

Good luck

Well, where rape rates are high, women tend to be very hostile to men. College campuses around my area as a case in point.

YouTube may have free lectures or therapy exercises you can try to start peeling through the onion layers.

I think the trick to human nature is to realize that the majority of humans have a minority of a-holery, and to accept that no one is *perfect*. Not me, not you, not any human being. It's a triumph of will and training and intellect over instinct from that hindbrain.

You may find some comfort in hard science like biology, which explains a lot about neurological connections and limbic systems, etc., I find that very helpful for me. It's quantitative. Measurable. Logical. It helps me keep the emotional reactions away from the conscious actions. I can say, "OK, this reaction is a combo of X biological and Y psychological, got it."

Frankly, human nature is pretty scary. Bear in mind, however, that for every Manson there's a Mother Teresa. For every Mengele, a Lister. In fact, bad news gets more attention. We're programmed that way---becausae avoiding bad is an evolved survival strategy that takes precedence over seeking good. We don't so much remember "This plant is edible" as "That plant is not", in other words.

Takes time, CBT, DBT, and a lot of expression to work through it all.

Have you tried a cheap hobby? Punching a pillow? Writing it out in a journal? Getting a black sharpie and a lot of cheap scribble paper? Going to a batting cage? short-term stopgaps are useful while a long-term plan falls into place.

We're doing our best here, and I'm sorry it's not what you want/need, but just because we're not measuring up doesn't mean we're not trying.

Just remember that asking people---women in particular---to confirm that all women suck? Will only make you feel "better" for a day or two. Trust me, as a rape victim I went the all-men-suck route and having people try to help me see that wasn't so? THe first couple months felt like an attack. I *needed* to see it that way, because anger was better than fear, and justified my self-protecting mechanisms...

Then I pulled a knife on a guy who made a pass at me, broke the window getting away, and all he tried was a hug and a peck on the cheek, it was very G-rated and I went Ninja B*tch on him.

which was about the point when I realized maybe I needed a reality check.

Not so long ago I had a long-time male friend inform me rape doesn't exist. To me. A rape survivor. I'd known him 20 years, we'd been friends (he was my hubby's best man, in fact) and then whammo, out he comes with "there's no such thing as rape". Well, let's just say that I could easily decide any man angry at women the way he is? Should be hung up by his short-and-curlies and used like a piata---but that's not really productive, is it? He got screwed over one too many times by a girlfriend, re-wrote his life so he was always a victim, and said some pretty rotten things to me for denying his truth (which was that there's no such thing as rape)...

So who do you want to be in five years, SW? The guy who tells women there's no rape, or that "yes means anal", because you're angry at what was done to you? Or do you want to see the world as a place where pain is inevitable, yet exists alongs8de many miracles of beauty and compassion? I'm working on being that second one.

So that's my two bits, again, and disregard, ignore, whatever.

I have been trying to offer support, but it is not registering as support to you.
Instead it seems to make you more angry.
What would support look like to you?
I asked what you needed from us, you never answered.

..." the red pill " on reddit might be what you're looking for, if you really...just need to be supported in hating women.
If that feels like the safest decision for you right now, maybe you should do that.

Believe it or not, I really do want you to not be suffering.