I am not a professional but can I ask... you say the doctors want you to be in this intense outpatient program and seem to be feeling heightened anxiety about it. Can you tell them you will think about it for now? It seems to me that forcing yourself to do anything isn't healthy. Can you give yourself time to get used to the idea maybe thinking of the pros and cons?

yeah that’s what i did say... i have until the end of april to think about it. i’m just sap anxious because my therapist has been saying i need this for a year and now everything is getting so much worse but i still feel not ready to do this like it seems like too much and idk... oh idk. i’m sorry my brain is all over the place

I hate it when Life forces me to pick poisons. . . Do I continue sinking deeper into the familiar misery of my psychotic stew or risk the Great Unknowns of recovery? Maybe if I hold my breath until I turn blue, the Wish Fairy will bring me another option?

For my own psycho nickel, I say, "The sooner begun, the sooner done,"
But that is me. . .

Of course your brain is all over the place. That would be a sign of intelligence. It's a harder than hard decision. Steadying support while you decide for yourself.

Big hug Stitch.... It might just help a great deal.... There's nothing to keep you there if you decide that it's to much... No force involved sweetie..... Big hug....xo

Hi Stitch, sending you peace and support as you use your time to think about what's best for you right now.

I've never done an "intense outpatient program", but I think that some of them involve group therapy and skills groups, so you wouldn't have to fill the whole 4 hours a day talking one-on-one with a therapist.

Some years ago when my son was doing a lot of unexplained head banging I read a book on cutting because I couldn't find a book about what to do for head banging and they were both potentially forms of,self-injury; and the school and the other "professionals" had essentially told me to either ignore it or to "just don't let him do it" both horribly impractical suggestions to the mom of an almost non-verbal (back then) grade schooler who had started headbanging hard enough to dent a wall........

Anyway, I know each person and situation is unique, but I was wondering.... have you thought about the function cutting is serving for you? No one could force you to use the skills you might learn in this program, but knowing them might give you other options for getting the same thing(s) you get from cutting.... See, I was curious when you said you didn't see your life without cutting, whether it was the cutting itself you can't imagine being without or whether it was the positive results of it (whatever those are for you) that you can't envision life without. My understanding is that these programs teach other ways to also achieve the same positive results.

It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do in the next few weeks. On your side whatever choice you make.

Hugs and peace.

((((Stitch)))))
I like what how Suncloud wrote ^ ,
Here with you friend,
Sending lots of support & many prayers
Gentlest of gentlest hugs <3

Stitch,

If your not ready or anxious about this outpatient treatment, don’t do it. It is skills based with weekly support talking to a therapist. Maybe see if you can take a dialectical behavior therapy class (DBT) instead which is much less intense. Don’t let anyone force you into something your not ready for. Wishing you support, peace and healing.

Hi Stitch,
I've been through Intensive Outpatient. I'll say at first I did not feel like I fit in there at all. Like how is sitting with a bunch of strangers working on therapy skills going to help me? Btw, they won't make you stop self harming. They just ask you refrain from substance use while in the program. I gave it some time and the program ended up saving my life. I still have my folder of all the worksheets and art that I did in the program. It's a commitment, and I'm not trying to goad you into going at all. I'm just letting you know a more positive perspective having gone through the program. I support you. They teach you skills, useful skills.

thank you everyone so much for all the support it like almost brought me to tears this morning reading everything xxx i’m still very much on the fence... very very very much.

Beryl... i think.. i think the answer is both in a way. i go through these periods where i am utterly numb and like... forgive me it sounds awful but like.. seeing myself bleed like helps me feel real. sometimes i just can’t tell no matter how hard i try. and then like... again i sound so so so messed up but like i get so much anxiety when my cuts heal like. they need to be there... they just need to. i don’t know how to like live without them. idk if that makes any sense. i suppose i don’t really know why that is... i just. i guess it’s the only way i was ever able to express how i felt for so long and now i guess i have other ways but they don’t like.. work.

Sititch, I am so sorry. I hope you will be well

In 2017 my therapist and I spoke about going to a program for a month or more and I wanted to because it would had helped me. She and I spoke about the type of support I needed and will not received due to my environment. It never happened and i wished did. It would have been a blessing.

I am praying that you will find peace in whatever decison you make.

thank you so much rose xxx

still having so much anxiety over this decision. i just don’t know how to logistically make it work with money/work, the time commitment, and with people in my life.

I have a hard time feeling like time spent on myself isn’t a massive waste of time