I have very serious probs with anger....I just do not act one it.....I direct it to its rightfull owners and just feel it (its not pleasant) but i remind myself where its coming from and just do not act on it...

Do you know where your anger is coming from???
MIne is from a childhood of abuse and neglect and i remind myself of tha when anything triggers it.....

My only advice is get in touch and understand where its coming from and then when you feel it, direct it in your mind to those that caused you to have it in the first place and write about it.....

But you can just sit with and don't act on it...You can..

Eventually it diminishes because it gets processed in context if you are aware about how you got it.....

Speaking as a combat trained female street dog, acting in the face of my fears is second nature to me. When I set to raging, I have the intelligence of a hurricane.

Overcoming fear is a whole different ball game, especially when I am playing suck-it-up badass.

Pretending I am immune to fear didn't work so well for me.

How is it working for you?

Welcome aboard. You feel like family already.

To me, fear and anger are flip sides of the same coin. The body's trigger response, fight-or-flight, acknowledges the link.

It seems like you are at present partly afraid of yourself and your own reactions.

What you described about calling ex's and it ending up a mess, seems like you are looking to be rescued, but by not being able to self-sooth you are spreading your issue more overtly into your relationships w/ others. I have gone through the over-sharing with others thing and it didn't have long term effect I was looking for.

Certainly we are not logical when we are triggered, but we can learn to hunker down and not spray it all over the others in our lives. This may sound harsh, but I don't mean it to be. Just want to see you find a way to soothe yourself.

Welcome aboard. We all know so well what getting triggered feels like.

Have you considered talking to someone professional? Sounds like it would be good to work through some stuff, especially for your child's sake. I don't know if you are a religious person, but if so, you could also talk to someone wherever you go to have services. That's free. Sometimes I've talked to my Rabbi and she's good to talk to. I work with a therapist as well. Maybe find a safe way to release your anger. Have you some sort of racket to smash a ball against a wall of your house or some sort of building? How about pounding your pillow or tearing up bunches of newspapers into shreds. For m the ball worked the best. Working on an elliptical trainer helped as well. Find something safe and let it out.

financial stress can trigger because you are powerless and helpless leading to the original repressed emotions.
I can take the edge of anger off by hitting things, working out, tearing something up however the only way I have eliminated the repressed anger is psychomotor work or limit structures or primal.

It is not necessary to consiously understand the cause of the rage before you release it. It took me a long time to learn that one.

Do you feel like the anger is too big to release, like your body will explode into a million pieces?

my holistic chiropractor tells me that our memories that were too hard to wrap our heads around in the past are all stored in our spinal cord and in our body as our memories.... they speak to us to try to get released, and as we remember them, we often re-experience them.

In between my visits, I will note symptoms that i had and always was looking for a physical reason in the past. Now, I realize, that my body is speaking to me, all the memories that I pushed, stuffed, shoved down and would not allow myself to pay loving attention to, acknowledge, feel and release them. ...so little by little, as I get treatment, I feel lots of physical body memories and odd sensations. I have come to believe these are all old, painful memories making their way out of my body, trying to get released.

oops, I am so sorry draconia, I accidentally typed in the dark and pushed the last copy and paste answer that I had, and I lost an entire long message to you. I am tired tonight, but I will try again to write to you tomorrow.

Dear Dracona,

I am going to try again, maybe a shorter version than the long one that I lost.

I relate to you. I have thought and felt similar feelings. My own anger and feeling like I was overreacting in anger based on past history to current events caused me to seek alot of help in this past year.

I could not longer stand myself....I was hating who I was becoming and I felt like I could not control my emotions, they were happening to me so fast at any trigger, before I could think about how I wanted to respond, I had already reacted. ...in anger, then that made me feel worse about myself, spiraling depression, anxiety, panic, overeating, feeling negative.

I cheer you on and encourage you to explore some of the options people have been using and trying at DS and other resources.

I urge you to speak kindly to yourself and treat yourself with compassion. Everything feels so tangled when we are engulfed in unwanted emotions, and yet we have not learned how to find our way out of them.

Slowly, I am learning helpful techniques, thinking or practice strategies that I can use to help me calm and soothe myself. It does not mean I have total mastery over anger, but I am learning to sideswipe my anger with better coping skills.

I also have to sometimes embrace my anger like a friend who is here to teach me, lay down, ask myself, what is it that my anger is trying to teach me that I am not getting the message straight? Often, I am not being strong in setting boundaries with others. Often I am angry at myself being stuck in negative patterns or comparing myself to others or what I used to be like. Often, I didn't resolve an old hurt in the past, and I have been holding onto a resentment inside of me that I was not conscious of until I have a talk with my anger. Then, I try to tell my anger that I respect it, and I will honor it, and although I am really uncomfortable feeling it, I will feel it, but I ask that it be willing to pass through me and be released. I tell my anger, I will visit and try to learn from it, but I don't want it to overtake my life. I have needed to do lots of work on forgiveness of myself, life, God, others, my parents, my spouse, my brother, my children, my friends and co-workers, for things that I was still hurting over, because I had never set boundaries or spoke up when the event occurred. I have been practicing meditation, singing a forgiveness chant from Hawaii called Ho'oponono by Celeste Yacaboni that has really helped me to FEEL forgiveness, not just say the words, and I have been using techniques like EFT, Heart Math Freeze Frame and Heart Coherent Breathing, meditation, chanting sanskrit mantras, writing, journaling, going to counseling, EMDR, and seeking spiritual counsel, too. I am such a work in progress, but I don't know where I would be if I did not finally decide that I cannot live this way anymore, constantly having symptoms of ptsd, anger, depression, anxiety, panic, hopelessness, etc. and not knowing what I can do to help myself. Last year was the first year I got diagnosed with PSTD, although, I think in retrospect, I have been experiencing this for many, many years. Now, I am trying an all out effort to help myself, mind, heart, body, spirit, soul, emotions, energy, attitudes, ...everything that I can do to help myself I am trying to do. Somehow, I got desperate enough to feel I AM WORTHY, no matter what all my diseases try to tell me otherwise.

I hope you stay focused on getting well, taking charge of your health and wellbeing. Excessive anger is a risk factor for sudden death, and I sure was feeling like it was eating away at me, and I was a ticking time bomb, because mostly, I was holding it in and turning it against myself.

I am making the best effort I can each day to love myself, to honor my feelings, to understand my needs and to have compassion for myself, which I had nothing but self-loathing before.

I saw videos that water molecules and bacteria respond negatively to being in a cruel environment. ...Imagine what our own cruelty to ourselves does to us, and we have the power to begin to learn to change that, and create a loving, safe heart space for our wounded inner children to heal and learn to grow and thrive in.

I hope you take baby steps in the direction that brings you serenity amidst the outer storms.

Thanks everyone... and seeking... your reply really got to me... but i am so stuck. i do yoga... excersice.. sweat lodges, meditation.... i have seen counselors, and honestly, i get to the point where i am pissed off at them and cant go anymore. money is one of my major triggers i think im finding out... and when im paying someone, telling them my life story, and end up just staring at each other through sessions... its a waste of money i dont have. i dont have medical. so i have to pay the standard 120 to 200 an hour.

IM SO DESPARATE right now.... what do i do? what more can i do? i feel like im losing everything ive worked so hard for... im in a constant state of anxiety, and even tryign to talk myself down, its not working... i know i shouldnt be this way, but it wont stop. im afraid for my daughter ... so afraid. i dont want to be like this.
I cant even afford to take the 3 dollar bottle of st johns wort i was taking.

about 5 years ago... i started a support group on here after visiting the self help aisle in barnes and noble. realized i had a problem with my choice in relationships, started therapy, and self therapy to get myself out of the abuse cycle. now i know that alot of that was based on the ptsd, and the relationships only made it worse.
I was first diognosed when i was 14. i denied it. deny all of it. i thought i was stronger than it. well... im going to be 30 soon... and im not. im falling apart more now than i ever have.

i wonder if i will even find someone or always be alone... who wants to deal with this? whether you can self soothe or not... it sucks to know no one will come if you call. hell, i was in a major frozen freak out after those two fought, and i thought about it later... i couldve died and no one would have found me til the next day. i dont have family, friends, or a "system" i can use to get help.
the only place that could possibly help does expirimental medicine... and do i really risk taking some random drug that could disolve the line that keeps me from actually killing myself? ive never been suicidal but it doesnt mean i want to live.

i have no motivation. no drive. but something in me keeps me ticking. i cant stand this anymore.... i dont know what to do... and im forced to live with it. to this torture. i have to keep working... if i dont get fired, as lately i find it hard to not freak out at work as i deal with the public in a casino where they say some really rude things and slam shit around violently and glare at you... all things that cause me to go off. im able to hold it in at work, but when i get home it all comes out....

thanks for listening... i just feel im hurt so bad right now. so many ups and downs... but even when im happy something can throw me off...
i want to be free of this... i want to be me... does it ever truly get better? HONESTLY... for long periods of time. is it ever possible to feel normal... will i be like this forever? with no one to help?

I don't think it will go on forever, but I have been lucky enough to be able to get help. For me, I was very suicidal for a long time and made several attempts landing me in hospitals. I think if I hadn't had help I'd be dead now. When I couldn't afford to see a therapist, there was a church that had a counseling service that they sponsored, and I saw one of the therapist's for $1. They had a sliding scale. I'm Jewish and if I couldn't afford someone now, I would call Jewish Family Services as they would help me to find help. I know Catholic Charities do the same thing. I don't think you have to be Jewish or Catholic to call either one to ask for help. Maybe there are resources like that who can find you someone to see without paying or paying $1 or something. I lived alone as well and had the same deal as you do. There are services that will call and check in with you daily. At least one place I lived did. It was run by the state and when I got out of the hospital my T set them up to check in with me. One time when they called I was not doing well emotionally and the woman on the other end knew my history and said something about my already showing I could hurt myself.

I know that there is a national 211 call center. You can google your state and 211 and you'll get a webpage, might go down to the city where you live. They've got tons of social service esources there, for example a list of food pantries and food banks, but pretty much anything you can think of. Also there is a 211 operator and she can hook you up with where you should look on the webpage or someone who can answer your questions about whether there are any resources to help you. It doesn't hurt to try.

There are so many different ways of doing therapy and ways that Ts incorporate whatever methods they use to work with folks. It's not just talk therapy. I saw someone who was a psychoanalyst and all he did was wait for me to talk, didn't say anything unless I did. Useless completely. I've worked with art therapists which helped some. I've worked with emdr and Gestault therapy. The later is when you put someone figuratively in a chair and talk to them. I told my father off, lol. But it was extremely hard. There's probably more to it then that, but I was at a treatment center and didn't do that long. I think it was quite useful.

I also think you may be helped with some meds. Another thing that 211 might be able to help with. I found the operators to be really helpful. There are some medication companies that have programs for folks without insurance and will provide the meds for free.

Have you applied for benefits where you are? If so, you might qualify for medicaid which can give you access to some Ts and coverage for meds.

I can hear how desperate you sound and having been there, I know it's not a forever condition, but it sure feels like it when you are going through it. I was there for years, but now I'm quite far from that place.

Thank you stella... ive tried all those avenues and i dont qualify for assistance yet, i was recieving child support until the dooshbag stopped working and is no longer planning on working. he cut my daughters medical and child support... after i dont recieve it next months, then i qualify. my income varies because i work for tips, sometimes im over the income line by a couple hundred, sometimes im under it by five hundred. i do hope they will help me when i apply. i did find a counseling service.. BUT i dropped my phone and broke it to pieces, so now i have no way of getting in contact... with anyone. im unsure what to do now.
i dont even know if i can keep my job through this, i think im getting fired. i feel so incredibly helpless...... losing the phone didnt help this feeling when i was calling to get help. this place just opened... its new, before this there was no help for those who couldnt pay.
its just one thing after another it seems.

Please understand that a good number of us here also lack social networks of support in our real lives.

It is our instinct to survive that pushes us onward and it is not usually a fun process. We keep trying to inch forward because it is our only viable option.

My heart goes out to you that you're hurting so much. Just know you are accepted and supported here. We understand and feel your pain.

P.S.: 30 is pretty darn young from my point of view.

I so agree with reply #13...well said.
I'm the same nohelp or support outside here...

When you get into the funk.Try to step outside in your mind and now that it will pass.The caos does pass, you do not have to act on it.

Its like you can be an observer rather than a participant.It takes practise.

I'm sorry if people live in areas with no social services. I pretty much was trying to say to try everything available where you live. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

I'm glad you have the possibility of help where you live. I'm really sorry about your phone being broken. That sucks when it is your only phone. I suppose you could go there and then if someone needs to get back to you come back to get the reply. I feel for you in feeling like you are not able to work through all of this. It's kind of a catch-22. You can't get the help you need b/c you don't qualify and you can't work b/c you can't get help. Like the others said, one baby step at a time. Hang in there and vent here all you like if it helps.