P.S. The DIL hates my cigarettes almost as much as my mother did. Hope I don't have to memorize the 2015 Surgeon General's Report the way my mother made me memorize the 1964 Surgeon General's Report. What peers and I called, "The Kooping Sessions." http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/about/previous/biokoop.html

Sigh. . . The circle remains unbroken?

Artie, It is a special thing when those who criticize us about our unhealthy lifestyle choices practice what they preach.

Oh boy. Gotta love the critics. My faves are the ones who say I take too many prescriptions, but they booze themselves into oblivion every weekend. Yep, their livers are pristine. For sure. *sigh*

As for flashbacks---ye gods, here and now indeed!

Gentle vibes of support. We're here. We're now. We got ya.

I'm the one who has become morbidly obese myself in the last 4 years since getting kidney disease. I used to be the skinny guy in the little shorts and funny helmet on the 10 speed bike. Then kidney disease hit 4 years ago and life went haywire. I gained 80 pounds in just 4 months.

Over the next 4 years the weight gain slowed down, but it was there nonetheless. I was living that Tim Allen movie in real life--you know, that movie The Santa Claus in which he gains weight overnight. Heck, my hair and beard even turned white, too, with kidney failure.

The weight gain of the last 4 years has only stopped in the last 2 months. I finally got the help of a dietician and a nurse at my hospital. Diet is everything because I can't exercise like I did since kidney disease has killed the nerves in my extremities and my feet don't work as well. Still, I did exercise at a gym for 6 months. That led to 3 kidney infections. I had to stop exercise because my doc caught me exercising while running a fever, which isn't healthy either.

I've given up cigarettes, coffee, alcohol, and all sugar and sweets, candy, and desserts of any kind as well as dark sodas, even when they're the diet drinks. I live on salads with grilled chicken breasts and record every bit of food that enters my body in a daily meal by meal food diary that my hospital dietician goes over every week.

And still the struggle against morbid obesity continues. It's hell on your joints, makes getting out and about hard, and does a number on your self esteem big time. In spite of my self discipline, people respond to me as a fat person who can't control himself and/or is lazy. My struggle with morbid obesity is one of the biggest surprises of a life that keeps delivering new surprises even after PTSD.

Muji, I am sure that to the extent your health limits you, we know how you feel. But......if you were a female.....and your appearance was judged based on your spirit and your soul......you would be one of the hottest super models on the face of the earth. And when you boil it all down, I think that is all that really matters.

Just got back from the desert. Despite all the rain here this year, the desert seems to be continuing its expansion while the corporate strip malls and investment fences continue springing up like. . . Choose your analogy. . .

I am not doing well on the grounding. The vision which has haunted my wanders through Boom Texas is of the confluence of the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers. Now THERE is a power I understand.

Methinks it is time. . .

I saw allot more road kill than vultures out there. Somehow that seems weird to me. I have a weird driving habit of saying a little prayer for the animals killed on the highway. Zoom packs permitting. . . Normally I can spot the animal victim quite a ways off from the vulture flocks.

I make up ditties as I drive. Thought I would share the one from the desert wander:

If you want to see the Real Texas
Ya gots to zoom between The Fences
In a padded pick up
With a shiny tool box
And lots of belly fat

Don't be looking for common senses
While you zoom between The Fences
The rugged individual
Rules here
From an air conditioned cab

Ouch. I do feel like I am spiraling the madness drain. . .