I feel that the last 24 hours stress has put me back to day one of healing. I dont want to live yet I wont kill myself. I just want to cry and dissapear......I guess that my man thinks I should have progressed faster. That if I just go to AA i will be healed even if I dont drink often the 12 steps can heal me. I really feel like I cant meet his expectations...I almost told him to put the gun away but I did not.. I still think about it though.....
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Today, was so much better. I could feel my anxiety trying to take over but the first time I went for a walk and brought a security "object" with me. It did help. And then at lunch which is when I know I get the most anxiety, I could feel it just below the surface. So I asked my friends to tell funny stories and that helped. And then when I was by myself where my anxiety could reach me again, I...
Woke later today, but I am scared stiff yet again, going to see a friend of mine for an hour. It is an hour exactly, its like an appointment, I like seeing her though, my head hurts again this morning. But not as bad as before I'd rather stay in bed, today than get up!