I feel that the last 24 hours stress has put me back to day one of healing. I dont want to live yet I wont kill myself. I just want to cry and dissapear......I guess that my man thinks I should have progressed faster. That if I just go to AA i will be healed even if I dont drink often the 12 steps can heal me. I really feel like I cant meet his expectations...I almost told him to put the gun away but I did not.. I still think about it though.....
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My anxiety is at an all time high. My job is busy, my housework is very behind, and I feel like I cant keep up.
When I get anxious I tend to catastrophize. I mean like crazy unreasonable " what ifs". I think I watch too many movies lol. I have to laugh sometimes to diffuse the anxiety of the thoughts which come from anxiety. So it is like a vicious circle. I don't know if I am making sense! I know the worry is unrealistic and unfounded but find it disturbing to have the thoughts. Ugh!