yep.

yeperooney and yes

I tend to be screamingly defensive of what I "know" is 'me" because of that

You betcha it is.

You just don't know the new you yet that now has that traumatic experience living inside you.

For those of us whose traumas happened during our adulthood -- especially -- I'd wager that most of us see a BIG distinction between our identities ... before ... and our identities .... after.

I sure do.

In my case, ... I was already medically disabled when the wolf pack spent 3-1/2 years tormenting and terrorizing me.

They left me with far more medical problems than I'd ever had before.

Now, my identity is pretty much that of a patient, seeking safe answers to difficult medical questions.

I know you've made references to medication, and it causing you problems.

I think you've also made reference to a therapist.

I hope you can do whatever it takes, working with the RIGHT professionals, to make your path forward easier and easier.

I wish you peace, health, and strength !

oh boy yes

My personal PTSD is from childhood, so I have not experienced this personally, but I have held the hands of people in my therapy network and personal life who have. My heart goes out to you, Happy. Not an easy transition.

Gentle support while you get to know the new you.

In my experience, oh yes. Alienation from others isolates those of us with PTSD. But then there is the alienation from the self, too. Like some others here, I have had PTSD since childhood. To survive chronic family violent trauma, I had to define who I was by who I was not. I was not them.

But then in therapy I had to face the question of who I was, then? That was scary. Still is even at 57 years of age, and exploring that topic leads me here to seek courage, support, and Daily Strength. No kidding.

I am so different now then i was before my symptoms, or at least i feel that way. I often find myself looking back rather then forward wanting to return to a "previous save point" like you can so casually do in some video games. I find it hypocritical to speak of looking forward when i struggle so hard to live by my own words. All i know is i must accept myself and look forward with understanding of the past in order to effect real lasting change. I am still me... and you are still you. Our perspective on life based on our experiences is all that has changed. Bless you. I hope you find your way.

I think i'm a bad person and that i've always been a bad person and these symptoms have been getting worse for four years

(((((((((((((((((***********Happy*********))))))))))))

Negative feelings are very much a part of the illness, Happy. It is a symptom, not a real world fact.

Please, keep leaning on us until you regain your sense of self. One for all and all for one. We get by with a little help from our friends.

Sometimes we just feel numb. I think it is kind of a way of shielding ourselves from the things that are hurting us. A self-protective mechanism of sorts. Sometimes when we are in this numb stage, there is healing going on for us that we are not even aware of. Just take things nice and easy, one day at time and be good to yourself. Things do get better, I can personally attest to that.