Well, I can tell you what the eventual outcome will be. Dear dear friend. I am concerned. I know that you have been having a lot of troubles. And we are all so far away from you..... you need someone to talk to about this, who will listen to you, and hear your heart. Who could that be close by you?

My friend,
I think you know what the outcome would be. I have always read your posts with much interest, since you are so young, it touches me, as I am sure it touches everybody else.
But you have gone a long way. I know you have been having problems, but it will get better. Dont you stop fighting; dont even think about it, not for a minute. It will get better down the road.
Just yesterday I was talking with a colleague who lost his wife last month due to a heart problem (not PKD related). When I told him about my daughters case, he immediately got me in contact with a friend of his, and he gave me some incredible and inspiring info.
This man was on dialysis for 3 years before he got his transplant several years back. He told me he was close to dying and had the worst time while on dialysis. He said at one point, his Creatinine levels were at 25 . I didnt even think that could be possible (does anyone actually know if this is possible?, Creatinine at 25?). Now he is living a normal life. He even said that the days of taking tenths of pills every day to avoid rejection are over. He only takes 3 pills a day, and assured me he lives a perfectly normal life.
I hope you will have his same outcome, and I am sure you will. But you need to be strong. Take it day by day, and dont be afraid to ask for help. Your mother, your doctor, any doctor, preacher, priest, teacher, principal, social worker. Sometimes we are afraid to ask for help, but I assure you someone is willing to listen, and help.
As the song says, Hold on for one more day.
Hoping the best for you,
PKDAD

very simply, you stop doing it, you get sicker and weaker and then you die.
is there nothing in your life worth living for? nobody who needs you or nobody who you need? a loving pet? a hobby you enjoy?
whatever is making dialysis so intolerable probably has something that can make it better.
your life is valuable and we love you and want to continue hearing from you.

A year ago I felt so terrible that I often thought I did not want to be alive. I am not saying I wanted to die. I just did not want to feel my own body anymore. Today, I feel as good as is possible...pain free, plenty of energy, able to do normal things every day.

Polykid, if I thought there was no hope for your future and that yall you had ahead of hyou was pain, I would reluctantly support you in stopping dialysis if that was what you wnated. but I know there is a very real probability that hyou will feel world's better in the future.

I wish I could be there in person to listen to you, to encourage you, to have a laugh together. To ask you some questions: do you feel alone? Are you getting the support you need? Do you have some meaningful activities in your life?

Please let us know more so we can offer some concrete suggestions that can really help. But I also think you need someone to talk to regularly and I hope you reach out and ask for that support, because I think it could help a lot.

Sending big love your way.

I really do hope that you do not decide to stop dialysis. My father, ten years ago on June 24, 2001, made that decision to do exactly what you are thinking. Do you know how long it took him to die with his family by his sidie....FOUR DAYS....that is all. We had to respect his decision because he was 70-years-old and was on dialysis for ten years and had developed ascites. It was very difficult to have to go through this with him, but I respect his decision because I wasn't living his life...I will be in the future and my brother is right now. My brother is fighting every day of his life to stay healthy enough for the transplant that he so deserately is waiting for. My brother decided to deliver meals-on-wheels and he said that was the best thing he has ever done. He said "Darlene, by delivering these meals it makes me realize that dialysis isn't so bad, at least I can still drive and get out of the house, there are many people who can't do that."

Please think this through long and hard, once you make a decision to stop dialysis, there is no turning back. Life is worth living!!!! Do not give up, your life is certainly worth living. I don't know you, but my heart goes out to you for even having this thought. Please talk to someone about your feelings, please seek counseling to help you.

God Bless you and don't stop fighting!

Darlene

I appreciate everyone's concerns I have not made a decision either way yet, I have a lot of major problems in my life other than dialysis. Dialysis just was the last straw, but I am seriously considering the pros and cons. Thanks for your support.

I'm praying for you polykid. I've had two family members that stopped dialysis. Both due to being older and had many other things wrong physically. I wouldn't wish that type of death on my worst enemy. God has a plan for your life. Even though you may not see it at this point in time he does. I wish you could talk with someone that could encourage you. Life is worth living, unfortunately it has it's bad times, but those good times are worth living for. Hang in there!

my daddy quit dialysis after doin' it for 10 yrs i think he first told all his family then went to his kidney doctor or specialist then they got the paperwork done they said after he would quit it would be like 2 wks it was but he was like so ready to go no one includin' me knows how much hell one goes thru bein' on dialysis i have had offers to get kidneys but always turn them down if i get a kidney that my body doesn't reject there's a 75% change that pkd will kill the new kidney hope this info helps.......

I want everyone to know that I am sorry if I scared you I am just have major depression and am on anti-depression drugs and I appreciate your support.

It is good that you came here to express how you are feeling and you are smart in recognizing that feeling hopelessness and wanting to give up is part of the illness of depression.

It is so hard to get perspective on things from deep in a dark hole. I really hope you can find a way out of that dark place, turn your face to the sun and let your shadows fall behind you for a while. If there is anything that gives you some joy in your life, cling to that. You deserve happiness. I know that you have so much to deal with and perhaps not the support you need from home.
IYou have posted that PD has not been working well for you - did you get the drain working again? THere is always the option of hemo - perhaps you might be someone who might do better on in-centre hemo instead of PD. You will have support, people to care for you and it just might make you feel better physically not to be carrying the extra fluid and all the sugar.

My Dad did great on PD but recently had to transfer to in-centre hemo because of peritonitis. At first he felt awful and was sad about losing the independence he had. But now he has settled into it well, Has lost quite a bit of weight and actually likes chatting to the staff and things when he is there. He is also sleeping alot better without the night cycler beeping all night. There are pros and cons.

Be kind to yourself. Hugs.

Polykid,
I hope you have a good therapist - the kind that specializes in helping people with depression (cognitive/behavioral?). You need to hear that these feelings will pass, like they always do. Remind yourself everyday, or hour or minute, if necessary, that it will get better, it will. Going off dialysis will kill you. Is that what you want? I don't know about the people in your "real" life, but, we here would miss you terribly. Please stay on your meds, stay on dialysis, talk to your therapist and, keep us posted.
Lisa H

Pollykid, to borrow from another support area, it does get better. I know you have been dealt a lot, but many of us go through periods in our lives when we are ready to give up. For me it was at about 18 and again in my 30's. Lots of different reasons, but life is good now. My health may not be the best and I had a pulmonary embolism a couple of months ago and almost checked out, but I came out with a renewed feeling that there is a reason I am here and a lot to still be done and enjoyed.

Polykid,

I had a time in my life when I didn't care , when I went to sleep each night, whether or not I would wake the next day. That was along time ago now. It can get better, it really can. You need to allow yourself time to come through this. We're here for you, and we're all real people, even though we're all just words and pictures here. You do need some people in the flesh around you who are positive and want to help you. Hang in there. Keep talking to us.

Chewitt

Can I just say again to the member who has on more than one occasion posted the negative and erroneous message that a new, transplanted kidney will be damaged by PKD that this is not a helpful thing to say, and is WRONG. It's important to understand that a new kidney will not develop cysts.

Hi Polykid,

my thoughts and prayers are with you at this extremely difficult time for you, we are all here for you and i hope with the support of your ds friends each day gets better for you.
((((((((((((((((((((BIGHUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

Jukesy

Dear Polykid,
don't give up. We all care about you. Ask God for help. I will pray for you. You are a fighter.
Clive