Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
As I read through many posts here and try and figure out my situation and what I want to do in regards to my marriage, I see advice given to not let on to your abuser that you realize now, that they are abusing you.
Can someone explain why?
Yesterday, I posted my first post with an overview of my situation. Im learning that for the past 10+ years my husband has become increasing verbally abusive to me. It's been so subtle and gradual I barely noticed it until about 2 years ago - I saw patters of passive / aggressive behavior. He's treated me with accusations, judging, criticizing, discredits me feelings, he has tantrums and storms off if I say something that he doesn't agree with, he finds faults with my friends and family and little by little I barely see them, he tells me I overanalyze everything, asks for examples of times he's made me mad or hurt and when I give examples, he tells me thats old and in the past and why cant I just let things go....etc. After our "discussions" I ed up feeling so confused and mixed up. I realize i've become very checked out of our marriage at this point.. I just don't see our relationship going through so much transformation that it becomes one I can be happy in.
However, I am willing to keep trying, because he makes me feel guilty about breaking up our family, if I say I don't think things will work out. But no matter how many times I try and explain myself, it ends up in an argument and then a few days later the cycle begins again.
Wouldn't it help for me to show him how his behavior is abusive? Then he would know what he's working with and may agree to IC? As of now, he said he'll read books, after much prodding, but he said he doesn't feel he needs IC. Said it's ok if I want to go if I need it. He said he'll do MC again - but that didn't help the root of our problems.
I'm torn because when we got married it was for better or worse. this is definitely the worst. I know I contributed to our marriage failing because I little by little held my tongue and feelings in to avoid an argument. So I was not being up front with my feelings.
I just fee lost. I have no more feelings for him and I'm not sure I can get that back.
Can someone explain why?
Yesterday, I posted my first post with an overview of my situation. Im learning that for the past 10+ years my husband has become increasing verbally abusive to me. It's been so subtle and gradual I barely noticed it until about 2 years ago - I saw patters of passive / aggressive behavior. He's treated me with accusations, judging, criticizing, discredits me feelings, he has tantrums and storms off if I say something that he doesn't agree with, he finds faults with my friends and family and little by little I barely see them, he tells me I overanalyze everything, asks for examples of times he's made me mad or hurt and when I give examples, he tells me thats old and in the past and why cant I just let things go....etc. After our "discussions" I ed up feeling so confused and mixed up. I realize i've become very checked out of our marriage at this point.. I just don't see our relationship going through so much transformation that it becomes one I can be happy in.
However, I am willing to keep trying, because he makes me feel guilty about breaking up our family, if I say I don't think things will work out. But no matter how many times I try and explain myself, it ends up in an argument and then a few days later the cycle begins again.
Wouldn't it help for me to show him how his behavior is abusive? Then he would know what he's working with and may agree to IC? As of now, he said he'll read books, after much prodding, but he said he doesn't feel he needs IC. Said it's ok if I want to go if I need it. He said he'll do MC again - but that didn't help the root of our problems.
I'm torn because when we got married it was for better or worse. this is definitely the worst. I know I contributed to our marriage failing because I little by little held my tongue and feelings in to avoid an argument. So I was not being up front with my feelings.
I just fee lost. I have no more feelings for him and I'm not sure I can get that back.
I hear the term crazy-making. That's a very accurate description for these situations.
If I start to think too much I will rationalize and tell myself it's not that bad, but I can't change the fact that my heart feels nothing. I wouldn't even know where to start tho. The thought of a divorce is so overwhelming and scary.
Then he gave me a poem he wrote and printed off from his computer at work. When he did this I was hooked (only for a while) back in. I had "hope". That's all he gave me, no change just hope!
A few days later I discovered I was pregnant (we had been trying so it wasn't a shock just a suprise) and the moment I told him I was pregnant he abused me every single day (except one day) throughout the entire pregnancy, getting worse as it progressed to the point where he was threatening me whilst I was heavily pregnant telling me it was a good job I wasn't a man or else or it was a good job I was pregnant!
A nice gesture is only a gesture, it's not a way of being!