Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
An excellent thread was posted
yesterday, (thank you, tulip),
about building self-esteem.
I thought I'd follow that up
with an on-going thread
where members could
post something they did
today or yesterday or this
past week, that made them
feel good about themself
(doesn't matter what that
something is).
So far today, I've completed
two-thirds of my physical
exercise routine. I did 50
minutes on the elliptical
and ten regulation push-ups.
I'll complete the other third
of the routine, (a series of
strenuous streches), later
in the day.
Doing this virtually every day
makes me feel fit, strong
and there for myself.
yesterday, (thank you, tulip),
about building self-esteem.
I thought I'd follow that up
with an on-going thread
where members could
post something they did
today or yesterday or this
past week, that made them
feel good about themself
(doesn't matter what that
something is).
So far today, I've completed
two-thirds of my physical
exercise routine. I did 50
minutes on the elliptical
and ten regulation push-ups.
I'll complete the other third
of the routine, (a series of
strenuous streches), later
in the day.
Doing this virtually every day
makes me feel fit, strong
and there for myself.
Today I continued to stand up for myself and my right to ignore people who want to control me and shame me back into a dishonest and abusive relationship by continuing to ignore my mother's attempts to "take me to lunch to catch up with me", despite how much I wish we could have a close relationship again. Anyone who puts conditions on their emotional support by verbally and emotionally abusing me when I refuse to get sucked back in to a bad situation, no matter who they are, must be kept at an appropriate distance until they can accept my decisions for my own life without shaming our trying to harm me.
Cheers
And then I asked myself what would I be trading for that experience :
I would give her my trust, and she has broken it many times before.
I would give her support and energy(she yawns when she encounters resistance and steals energy) and I need it to myself right now.
And I would give her control.
So I said no and she started mocking my voice and I was proud I said no and understood why.
Good for you!
Often, when something
seems trivial, not all that
earth-shaking if I let
something I prefer a
particular way, go. . . .
I'll let it go. I like to
keep things in
perspective.
I've decided, within
the context of dealing
with one particularly
challenging person,
to NOT do that. I've
decided and have
begun to consistently
hold a line about
getting my preference
(with this one person),
as a rule rather than
as an exception, no
matter how inconsequential
that specific preference
might seem, in the big
picture.
I came to this decision
because this particular
person has a profile of
being obliviously selfish
and if I don't hold a line,
this person virtually
always gets their
preference and I
would virtually
never get mine.
This decision is a
stretch for me,
Though it's out of
my comfort zone,
I'm focusing on
insisting on
achieving my
preference no
less than fifty
percent of the
time, and even
possibly, a little
more than fifty
percent (because
there's been a
history of significant
impbalance in the
other direction,
already).
Wish me luck!
I am proud of myself today because I have recently allowed myself to accept and enjoy the physical attention of a very kind, healthy, fun man I know. In my relationship with my abuser, sex was used as a tool for shame, and much of that still lingers for me, so this was a huge step for me. It feels *amazing.* Very powerful and very healing, and I'm really glad I took a deep breath and was willing to try again!
I came back to the thread to report that I have contacted a women's center in my city who offers specialized help for women who have experienced domestic violence. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I am proud to have found them and to be still looking for help.
I'm not here much these days, but I checked in tonight and I'm really glad to find this uplifting thread.
I wanted to share one thing I'm really proud of...
Last week I finished my master's degree!!!
It took more years than most, and I had to fight through a dense jungle of abuse and emotional pain, but by gosh, by golly, I did it!!!!!
What an achievement!!!!!!!!
met with job counselor yesterday.
trying to be positive about life.
What I did today: I contacted a plumber to get a second quote on a professionally installed back-up sump pump system for my basement. I felt the first quote I got might have been too high, and perhaps the contractor was taking advantage of my single female status. Well, the second quote (from a plumber I've dealt with several times in the past) is in the same ballpark, but I'm proud of myself for following up with this, despite the frustration of having to get a second quote, and my aversion to spending so much money. I am also proud of myself because before my separation, my ex would have taken care of this and installed something himself. Having a flooded basement was one of the biggest fears I had about staying in this house after he left. Now I have proven to myself once again that I am smart and capable, and I don't need him.