Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have posted on here before about the verbal "abuse" from my husband.
He is not a terrible man but has no filter alot of the time and has called me some terrible things... not all the time or every day but enough for me to know its not normal.
I know he had a terrible upbringing and I am sure its a learned behavour.
Well now my daughter is almost 3 and its happening to her as well. Just on the weekend she was being a toddler like most and was sitting on her toy table... well the inevitable happened and she fell off... she didn't really hurt herself but she scared herself. My husband reacted by yelling at her and calling her a dumb bitch and a stupid idiot for falling.... he said his reaction was because he was scared and that it could have been potentially a really bad fall... Okay I get it but really....
Also he called me the same things when I discovered my credit card got frauded, a dumb idiot and a stupid bitch... its like his normal vocabulary or something.
Also when I was cutting some fruit this weekend I ended up cutting my fingers and he said well thats because your an idiot.....
Everytime it happens I am stunned like I have been slapped in the face, but everytime it seems to get easier and easier to hear these words....
I know she will either think this treatment is normal and fall into a bad relationship or it will make her stronger and she will not take crap from anyone....
I also know he needs help and I should probably leave but this is so hard because she loves her father so much and loves to be around him....
This is just so hard!
Just look at some of the groups on here that people have posted about having a father like this. And look at how much they're suffering today. In 20 years, that will be her daughter.
Him calling you or your daughter an idiot or a bitch just once is enough to have a huge impact. Do you want your daughter to marry a man just like her father? Would it be okay with you if another man said those things to your daughter or you? Even just once?
Thanks for sending tho
off to the side and having a 1 on 1 with him. Seriously- you have to do this and/or get help right away- Hugs
and Peace sent your way.Here for you and I am sure that with support groups such as Daily Strength and
other support there may be a significant change.Urgency is needed however because you have a toddler involved.He is verbally abusive to child and mum.Get help if this does not work..... then you know what that
means.
I'm sure Osheana means well, but couples counseling does NOT work with abusers. PLEASE read all of this link about couples counseling and HEED.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/couples-counseling-and-abusive-relationships
This isn't about whether or not you think he's terrible. It's about HIM BEING ABUSIVE and THAT AFFECTS YOUR CHILD (and you) IN VERY NEGATIVE WAYS, as soulsearcher said. (not yelling, just empahsizing)
It is hard - very hard - and scary too. Change is never easy. In this case, the changing is up to YOU, not him. That's because he's an abuser and they rarely change for the better. I promise you it will only get harder every day you wait.
This is part of how abuse affects us - denial, inability to do what we KNOW is right, questioning ourselves, defending the abuser, not wanting to take children away from the abusive parent, not pressing charges when physical/sexual abuse, believing their promises, wishing and hoping they'll change, being understanding that they had a bad childhood (that's no excuse), etc. etc.
It takes an AVERAGE of 7 times leaving before a woman stays gone. That's the national average and it's been that way for the last two decades. The stats, as I could find, are that LESS THAN 2% of abusers change PERMANENTLY for the better. Not good odds!
It's your job to protect your daughter. And every day you wait, your daughter will be more and more damaged. And so will you.
PS, I think I've given you this link before, but it bears repeating. Please read all of "When is it Time to Leave?"
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/when-is-it-time-to-lea_3
I'm not telling you what to do, but I high encourage you to go to your local shelter and get into therapy NOW. Get your ducks in a row and get some therapy. That will help you be in a better place to protect yourself and your daughter.