Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
A short synopsis of trauma bonding:
Its about misplaced loyalty or attachment. These relationships include exploitation, fear and even danger as well as times of kindness, nobility & righteousness. Nothing, not even emotional pain, physical abuse or even the possibility of death stops a trauma bonded person from caring about and/or staying committed to the abuser.
Abusive relationships are built on traumatic bonding. For example, Lucy & Charlie Brown - when she holds the football and promises to not take it away and then does is an example of traumatic bonding because Charlie Brown keeps coming back even tho he knows what's coming next. Other examples include, but are not limited to, cults; incestuous families; hostage/kidnapping; verbal, mental, spiritual, sexual & physical abuse; and codependents of any kind of addict who refuse to leave no matter what the addict does and/or how much the codependent is suffering.
Most of us probably don't realize we are trauma bonded. I actually didn't think I was any more until I read this in my recent training. While I have healed some and don't fall into as many of the categories any more, there are still a couple that really hit home for me. So I know I still have work to do. :-)
Signs that you may be (or were) trauma bonded:
When you:
* obsess about people who have hurt you though they are long gone from your life. (To obsess means to be preoccupied, fantasize about, and wonder about something/someone even though you do not want to.)
* continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain.
* go overboard to help people who have been destructive to you.
* continue to be a team member when obviously things are becoming destructive
* continue attempts to get people who are clearly using you to like you.
* again and again trust people who have proved to be unreliable.
* are unable to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.
* want to be understood by those who clearly do not care.
* choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away.
* persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen.
* are loyal to people who have betrayed you
* are attached to untrustworthy people
* keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse.
* continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility
I hope this helps bring more understanding to an often-missed and misunderstood aspect of abuse.
Its about misplaced loyalty or attachment. These relationships include exploitation, fear and even danger as well as times of kindness, nobility & righteousness. Nothing, not even emotional pain, physical abuse or even the possibility of death stops a trauma bonded person from caring about and/or staying committed to the abuser.
Abusive relationships are built on traumatic bonding. For example, Lucy & Charlie Brown - when she holds the football and promises to not take it away and then does is an example of traumatic bonding because Charlie Brown keeps coming back even tho he knows what's coming next. Other examples include, but are not limited to, cults; incestuous families; hostage/kidnapping; verbal, mental, spiritual, sexual & physical abuse; and codependents of any kind of addict who refuse to leave no matter what the addict does and/or how much the codependent is suffering.
Most of us probably don't realize we are trauma bonded. I actually didn't think I was any more until I read this in my recent training. While I have healed some and don't fall into as many of the categories any more, there are still a couple that really hit home for me. So I know I still have work to do. :-)
Signs that you may be (or were) trauma bonded:
When you:
* obsess about people who have hurt you though they are long gone from your life. (To obsess means to be preoccupied, fantasize about, and wonder about something/someone even though you do not want to.)
* continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain.
* go overboard to help people who have been destructive to you.
* continue to be a team member when obviously things are becoming destructive
* continue attempts to get people who are clearly using you to like you.
* again and again trust people who have proved to be unreliable.
* are unable to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.
* want to be understood by those who clearly do not care.
* choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away.
* persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen.
* are loyal to people who have betrayed you
* are attached to untrustworthy people
* keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse.
* continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility
I hope this helps bring more understanding to an often-missed and misunderstood aspect of abuse.
His PTSD was so severe that I was afraid he would no longer be able to live together-because his trauma, in part, occurred at our home. He could not stand to be here. Also, since his other trauma was an assault by a patient where he worked, and my daughter has a psychotic disorder (even though she is not at all violent) it was also very triggering for him to live with her. Now he's lying next to me. He said EMDR has helped more than any other therapy he has tried so far.
It does not work this well for everyone, but for him it was significant. If you have any other questions let me know.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/19141057-possible-trigger-why-dont-dv
You don't have to watch the video. Just read the info.
How we break the trauma bond:
There are trauma release therapists who understand this process and can help you. But it takes special training and not all therapists understand the dynamics or affects of abuse, let alone know how to help their clients. The therapist needs additional training over & above what they got in school or need to obtain & keep their licenses.
If it were me, I would ask the potential therapist what they know about trauma bonding. If they describe something similar, then the next question would be 'what kind of training have you had in trauma release?' Followed by 'what modalities would you use to help me release the trauma and break the trauma bond?' If they don't offer something other than talk therapy or CBT, then move on to the next one.
Be gentle with yourself. And give yourself as much time as you need to heal. The longer you can go No Contact, the sooner the abuse fog tends to clear. But, IMHO, therapy w/a qualified trauma release therapist is crucial.
Personally, I found that a multi-faceted approach that included Heart Centered Hypnotherapy is what helped me the most.
So it's important to keep looking for the right therapist and the right modality. Also, sometimes a modality will work for a while, and then not so much & we need to move on to the next modality.