Excuse me but
why should you
be caring about
and love a man
who's just told
you that he doesn't
want to be with you?

In the framework within
I live and coach, there's
really no such thing as
being "too" sensitive.

Certainly, in the scenario
that you describe, you are
being APPROPRIATELY
sensitive. . . dealing
with an ABUSER.

For the record, kids don't
benefit, being raised
under the roof of a
household with
an abuser.

Two households,
one of which is at
least better . . . . .
is better.

What Ilene said!

I have strong views on the idea of "too sensitive", and I have posted about it. In short, there is no such thing.

And ... what Ilene said!

I agree with Illene too.
Two houses would be extremely appropriate. You deserve so much more than to be the mechanical ear which your evil husband expects you to be.

And no. What he's talking about isn't reasonable. There is a power imbalance in your relationship that will never be healed by extra listening on your part.

I think that since he told you that he only wants to stay with you because of the kids--that absolves you from any responsibility for listening to him whine and spout his venomous drivel (which he disguises as his "feelings") ever again.

From now on, I think you should let him share his feelings with the drive-in hamburger-joint, "let-me-take-your-order" recording--or perhaps he should call up customer service for a large company and start expressing himself to the soothing automated recording...They seem to have the level of sensitivity he requires of his listener.

If he's telling you your too sensitive --- you care too much not that you don't care enough.

My H tried to say he was working late and would like when he left work and leave early for work...but only so he could and can go where he wants and pleases...He's also taken so much money for his addictions and the kids and I have to sit and wait around while he is out on the town and worry month to month about finances because he is so selfish.

If those are his feelings and he's saying YOU have to help him through his feelings...there's something else going on there that he's just trying to push all the blame and make you feel guilty and bad, but you're only doing the right things by being honest with your own feelings etc. If he doesn't like to hear how you feel or doesn't take your feelings into consideration, then the relationship is just one-sided. And he'll only continue to hurt you more.

I am dealing with the same thing. In part I understand what you are going through. How do you deal with a man that is so selfish? Leaving is not the answer. I have answered that for myself because of my children. After 20 years of marriage I too say we need to stay together for the children. I find if he is out I am so much happier and at ease with myself. When he is home all he brings is tension. I have come to a conclusion that a man will not change even with therapy. So the question is, "What do you do?" Sorry not much help just some insight. To let you know you are not alone.

Welcome jeniq ----

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Please keep in mind that children who
grow up seeing abuse taken as a normal
thing, are learning that abuse is a normal
thing. Leaving is never easy. But the
benefit is that there's at least one household
that may be more normal, less dysfunctional.
When the only household in which children
grow up is under the roof of abuse, children
generally grow up perpetuating dysfunction
in some way, either as a victim or an abuser.

If you feel you absolutely must stay with your
abuser, then detach emotional. Get very
superficial, in your interaction. Co-parent,
but keep separate in every other way.

No. He will not change. So your only option
is to get very distant and separate. If you feel
you must stay, then stop sharing yourself,
stop being vulnerable.

Please consider getting counseling for yourself.
Find a support group for people with dysfunctional
partners. Read all you can. Visit here often.

Focus on taking care of yourself.