Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I felt like it might help me to vent about the issue of "socially acceptable" forms of abuse, but I want to do so in a way that might be constructive too so that maybe others here can add to it and benefit too.
By "socially acceptable" abuse I am referring to acts of abuse that society in general most often dismisses as somehow not being abuse, or views as something to laugh at or ridicule the victims about.
I've come up with a list of examples of such abuse and will try to elaborate on why they're abuse. However, many of these might be ones that apply more to men since I'm writing all this from a male perspective. But I'll try to include as many examples that apply to women too in order to reduce any bias or unfair representation of abused women.
If anyone here has anything to add to the list or things already on it, please feel free to contribute. Even if it's just commentary or suggestions on how to keep the subject matter unbiased and less likely to offend or upset any members who have experienced any of these types of abuse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DOUBLE STANDARDS IN ABUSE: When you stop and think about abusive behavior you start to notice that there are many abusive acts that society seems to deem acceptable for one gender to commit while still calling abuse what it is when the other gender does it.
There are many examples of this in popular culture. Such as a woman in movies or TV shows being verbally abusive, possessive or controlling in ways that if a man were depicted doing in a movie/ show most people would be disgusted and see him as abusive.
Some examples of this: 1) A wife in a sitcom constantly belittling/insulting her husband or kids tends to get laughs from the audience. Albeit some sitcoms get laughs when the husband does that instead of the wife, generally it seems to be seen as darker and more like abuse (at least in serious shows/movies).
2) In movies/shows when the girlfriend or wife gets angry at her partner and starts repeatedly slapping/hitting/kicking/throwing things at him people tend to view the abuse as somehow justified and laugh at it. However, when the genders are reversed in these types of scenes viewers tend to not laugh and they see the abuser as the monster they are.
As a rule of thumb I say to imagine if the genders were reversed in a given situation. If people would see something as abusive for someone of one gender to do, then people need to treat it as abusive if someone of the opposite gender does it too.
WOMEN HITTING MEN: This one may seem like it should be obvious, but if you look at pop culture and other media today (or even out in public) you can see that this act if abuse is usually minimized and treated as "humorous". For a moment try to think of the reactions you typically see from people witnessing a woman physically assaulting a man. Do you notice how many people automatically assume that the man somehow "deserves it" and therefor it's fine for a woman to beat him up?
When the victim is male and the abuser female people tend to see this type of abuse as "okay" or funny. However, if the roles are reversed in an otherwise identical scenario people tend to become angry and call for action to be taken against the abuser (as they should).
This has actually been studied by journalists and researchers. In at least one experiment I've seen they had two sets of actors play the roles of a fighting couple in a public park with plenty of people around. One pair acted out a scenario where the woman was angry and physically/verbally abusing her male partner. The other pair of actors acted out an identical scenario in s similar location in the park at at different time, but reversed the roles so it was the man as the abuser and the woman was the victim.
In the scenario where the man was the victim nobody stepped in to try breaking things up; nobody tried or threatened to call the cops; nobody tried to help the victim; people witnessing the abuse tended to laugh and/or cheer for the woman assaulting her partner.
In the other scenario the results were just the opposite. People witnessing the fight tried stepping in the break it up; people threatened to call the cops on the abusive male partner; some attempted to physically stop him; and some stepped in to try comforting the woman.
MALE RAPE VICTIMS: In this case I'm not talking about whether there are more or less male rape victims than female victims. I'm actually going to talk about another issue they face.
In some parts of the US if a woman rapes a man and becomes pregnant as a result, she can sue her victim for child support if she keeps the child. This can even happen if she was an adult and her victim was a child at the time of the rape. (There are at least 2 somewhat recent cases of this covered in news articles if you look it up online. There could be even more considering how privacy laws regarding legal proceedings involving minors work in the US.)
Can you imagine being raped as a child and even after your rapist is caught and convicted they get out after a few years due to unfair leniency? Then your rapist takes you to court and sues you for child support and the courts force you to pay your rapist support money for 18 years?
This is unfortunately something society has deemed "acceptable" since it's "for the good of the child" (referring to the one the rapist conceives). This is despite the fact that rapists probably shouldn't be raising a child (especially if they're a pedophile).
This type of abuse is one that scares me. I live in the state with the highest rates of rape in the entire US. On top of that there was a case a number of years back where a woman got some guy debilitatingly drunk and took him to his house, but stayed the night. Throughout the night she kept trying to rape him with the goal of getting pregnant. Luckily the guy was able to push her away each time when her attempts woke him up, and I think she went to jail in the end.
Also, in college a friend of mine almost fell victim to a woman like that. He was black out drunk at a bar and some of his other friends noticed in time to pull him out of the taxi the girl trying to take advantage of him was pulling him into.
To be honest the fear of this type of abuse through the legal system is enough to make me seriously consider getting a vasectomy in order to protect myself.
FEMALE RAPE VICTIMS: Female rape victims can actually face a similar form of abuse through the legal system.
Basically, if a raped woman doesn't press charges or the rapist isn't charged/convicted and the woman has her rapist's child as a result of the rape the rapist can harass her through the legal system. Rapists in these cases are able to use the courts to continuously abuse their victims with legal action regarding custody, contact and visitation with the child. You can probably imagine how nightmarish this form of abuse is for the victim.
There NEEDS to be some serious reforms made to the legal system to prevent people (of any gender) from using the courts to further abuse their victims.
"SLUT" SHAMING: In this example I am talking about how many people seem to make abusive comments towards or about women (and men too) based on how they dress. This includes everything from denying a woman (or man) the basic level of respect any human being deserves, all the way up to saying rape victims deserved it based on what they were wearing.
People should not be condoning the abuse of others based on what they wear. This also includes abuse directed at the poor and homeless who are forced to wear worn out or dirty clothing.
However, I do feel that there are lines that are not appropriate to cross with how one dresses. If someone is wearing something so over-the-top "skanky", revealing and sexually promiscuous in public that you feel the need to get tested for STDs just from standing near them at a bus stop, then they probably shouldn't be dressed like that in public.
In public we all have to be mindful that we are in a shared space and that many people are not comfortable being around someone dressed in an OVERLY sexual/provocative outfit.
After thinking about this I came up with an example of how this can feel to some guys, but explained in a way that should convey the feeling to women in a relevant manner: imagine riding the bus to work and nearly every day you end up next to one or two middle aged men dressed in full gimp suits, but nobody ever says anything or makes them leave since they're technically wearing clothes that don't reveal enough to be considered indecent exposure. That's the level of discomfort I am talking about.
To clarify, I am not saying that these cases deserve abuse in any way either. However, dealing with people who dress in such ways should be done in a respectful way that expresses how they are making the people around them feel, and to politely ask them to tone it down a little. Not by treating them in abusive ways.
By "socially acceptable" abuse I am referring to acts of abuse that society in general most often dismisses as somehow not being abuse, or views as something to laugh at or ridicule the victims about.
I've come up with a list of examples of such abuse and will try to elaborate on why they're abuse. However, many of these might be ones that apply more to men since I'm writing all this from a male perspective. But I'll try to include as many examples that apply to women too in order to reduce any bias or unfair representation of abused women.
If anyone here has anything to add to the list or things already on it, please feel free to contribute. Even if it's just commentary or suggestions on how to keep the subject matter unbiased and less likely to offend or upset any members who have experienced any of these types of abuse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DOUBLE STANDARDS IN ABUSE: When you stop and think about abusive behavior you start to notice that there are many abusive acts that society seems to deem acceptable for one gender to commit while still calling abuse what it is when the other gender does it.
There are many examples of this in popular culture. Such as a woman in movies or TV shows being verbally abusive, possessive or controlling in ways that if a man were depicted doing in a movie/ show most people would be disgusted and see him as abusive.
Some examples of this: 1) A wife in a sitcom constantly belittling/insulting her husband or kids tends to get laughs from the audience. Albeit some sitcoms get laughs when the husband does that instead of the wife, generally it seems to be seen as darker and more like abuse (at least in serious shows/movies).
2) In movies/shows when the girlfriend or wife gets angry at her partner and starts repeatedly slapping/hitting/kicking/throwing things at him people tend to view the abuse as somehow justified and laugh at it. However, when the genders are reversed in these types of scenes viewers tend to not laugh and they see the abuser as the monster they are.
As a rule of thumb I say to imagine if the genders were reversed in a given situation. If people would see something as abusive for someone of one gender to do, then people need to treat it as abusive if someone of the opposite gender does it too.
WOMEN HITTING MEN: This one may seem like it should be obvious, but if you look at pop culture and other media today (or even out in public) you can see that this act if abuse is usually minimized and treated as "humorous". For a moment try to think of the reactions you typically see from people witnessing a woman physically assaulting a man. Do you notice how many people automatically assume that the man somehow "deserves it" and therefor it's fine for a woman to beat him up?
When the victim is male and the abuser female people tend to see this type of abuse as "okay" or funny. However, if the roles are reversed in an otherwise identical scenario people tend to become angry and call for action to be taken against the abuser (as they should).
This has actually been studied by journalists and researchers. In at least one experiment I've seen they had two sets of actors play the roles of a fighting couple in a public park with plenty of people around. One pair acted out a scenario where the woman was angry and physically/verbally abusing her male partner. The other pair of actors acted out an identical scenario in s similar location in the park at at different time, but reversed the roles so it was the man as the abuser and the woman was the victim.
In the scenario where the man was the victim nobody stepped in to try breaking things up; nobody tried or threatened to call the cops; nobody tried to help the victim; people witnessing the abuse tended to laugh and/or cheer for the woman assaulting her partner.
In the other scenario the results were just the opposite. People witnessing the fight tried stepping in the break it up; people threatened to call the cops on the abusive male partner; some attempted to physically stop him; and some stepped in to try comforting the woman.
MALE RAPE VICTIMS: In this case I'm not talking about whether there are more or less male rape victims than female victims. I'm actually going to talk about another issue they face.
In some parts of the US if a woman rapes a man and becomes pregnant as a result, she can sue her victim for child support if she keeps the child. This can even happen if she was an adult and her victim was a child at the time of the rape. (There are at least 2 somewhat recent cases of this covered in news articles if you look it up online. There could be even more considering how privacy laws regarding legal proceedings involving minors work in the US.)
Can you imagine being raped as a child and even after your rapist is caught and convicted they get out after a few years due to unfair leniency? Then your rapist takes you to court and sues you for child support and the courts force you to pay your rapist support money for 18 years?
This is unfortunately something society has deemed "acceptable" since it's "for the good of the child" (referring to the one the rapist conceives). This is despite the fact that rapists probably shouldn't be raising a child (especially if they're a pedophile).
This type of abuse is one that scares me. I live in the state with the highest rates of rape in the entire US. On top of that there was a case a number of years back where a woman got some guy debilitatingly drunk and took him to his house, but stayed the night. Throughout the night she kept trying to rape him with the goal of getting pregnant. Luckily the guy was able to push her away each time when her attempts woke him up, and I think she went to jail in the end.
Also, in college a friend of mine almost fell victim to a woman like that. He was black out drunk at a bar and some of his other friends noticed in time to pull him out of the taxi the girl trying to take advantage of him was pulling him into.
To be honest the fear of this type of abuse through the legal system is enough to make me seriously consider getting a vasectomy in order to protect myself.
FEMALE RAPE VICTIMS: Female rape victims can actually face a similar form of abuse through the legal system.
Basically, if a raped woman doesn't press charges or the rapist isn't charged/convicted and the woman has her rapist's child as a result of the rape the rapist can harass her through the legal system. Rapists in these cases are able to use the courts to continuously abuse their victims with legal action regarding custody, contact and visitation with the child. You can probably imagine how nightmarish this form of abuse is for the victim.
There NEEDS to be some serious reforms made to the legal system to prevent people (of any gender) from using the courts to further abuse their victims.
"SLUT" SHAMING: In this example I am talking about how many people seem to make abusive comments towards or about women (and men too) based on how they dress. This includes everything from denying a woman (or man) the basic level of respect any human being deserves, all the way up to saying rape victims deserved it based on what they were wearing.
People should not be condoning the abuse of others based on what they wear. This also includes abuse directed at the poor and homeless who are forced to wear worn out or dirty clothing.
However, I do feel that there are lines that are not appropriate to cross with how one dresses. If someone is wearing something so over-the-top "skanky", revealing and sexually promiscuous in public that you feel the need to get tested for STDs just from standing near them at a bus stop, then they probably shouldn't be dressed like that in public.
In public we all have to be mindful that we are in a shared space and that many people are not comfortable being around someone dressed in an OVERLY sexual/provocative outfit.
After thinking about this I came up with an example of how this can feel to some guys, but explained in a way that should convey the feeling to women in a relevant manner: imagine riding the bus to work and nearly every day you end up next to one or two middle aged men dressed in full gimp suits, but nobody ever says anything or makes them leave since they're technically wearing clothes that don't reveal enough to be considered indecent exposure. That's the level of discomfort I am talking about.
To clarify, I am not saying that these cases deserve abuse in any way either. However, dealing with people who dress in such ways should be done in a respectful way that expresses how they are making the people around them feel, and to politely ask them to tone it down a little. Not by treating them in abusive ways.
I'd like to point out that nothing good can come from alcohol. Impairment comes with the first sip, so it's best to keep your wits about you.
I'd also like to add that socially acceptable abuse comes in the form of any type of "ism" out there- like racism or Islamaphobia.
As most of us here are likely all too aware, people often try to blame their abusive behaviors on their drinking habits. Thankfully a decent portion of society doesn't seem to accept that type of excuse. However, there are still those who do see alcoholism as an acceptable excuse for an abusive person's actions (even if just as a mitigating factor).
Isms are another big issue, which I'm glad you brought up.
Too many people in this day and age hypocritically hide behind "isms" to justify their abuse. This includes using racism (even if they don't call it that) to justify abusing others or mistreating minorities.
Sexism is also a big problem still (as one can see in some of the above examples). There is still a big problem with peopoe not calling out cases of sexism for what they are. If you look at history this has been the case for quite some time too.
How many times have I been to the mall or grocery store when I hear, "Shut the *** up Mom... you're such a ***." Or the same from the mom to the daughter.
Or getting drunk in front of their kids.
I'm no prude, but I think morals have been lost along the way. Whatever happened to mutual respect for each other???
Just a couple of examples:
People laugh at someone and say "I'm laughing with you, not at you." Bull!
People make jokes about someone's personal situation (just watch one episode of the golden girls & count how many put downs there are in less than a half hour!)
Prefacing negative put down statements with 'disclaimers' like, "no offense meant, but..." and then saying something that is actually pretty offensive and/or hurtful.
or, "this isn't a judgment" and they go on to make a judgment type statement.
I agree that all 'isms' are abusive as is stereotyping.
As for how people dress...IMHO, it doesn't matter how skanky I think someone looks because skankiness, just like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. In the United States, we are free to dress as we please. And unless they are on my property or my personally owned business, I don't have the right to ask them to tone it down.
The way someone dresses or does their makeup doesn't give anyone the right to verbally abuse, physically assault or rape because they think they're being invited by the way the person is dressed or how much makeup they are wearing. That's nothing more that not taking responsibility for one's actions. (Which is a typical abuser behavior, not to mention typical justice system behavior.)
I personally think that society (at least in the US) and especially every facet of the justice system doesn't understand the dynamics (especially how manipulative abusers are) OR the effects of abuses. They don't understand that it crosses all lines of economics and gender. Or that there is absolutely no excuse for abuse - ever.
As for alcohol, I don't drink, but I also don't impose my choices on other people. While I was married to an alcoholic, I continually blamed the alcohol for his abusive behavior. I have since come to realize that alcohol is NEVER AN EXCUSE.
He CHOSE to drink. He CHOSE to be abusive. He also CHOSE to deny he was abusive. And he CHOSE to not see how his actions affected others. He CHOSE to not get help.
Just because the victim has a drink doesn't mean they are responsible in any way for being abused/assaulted/raped, etc. Nor does it mean that they are sending a message that its ok to do something to them against their will, no matter how much they've had to drink or how they are dressed or how much makeup they are wearing.
I've heard various stories about how this type of abuse is pretty bad at Walmarts.
I also dislike how so many people try to use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for abusive behavior. Unless someone physically forced them to use drugs or alcohol they should have to take responsibility for their actions while under the influence.
Also, I know a few people in this group may not like this one, but it is not my intention to offend or upset anyone. Only to shed light on an important issue regarding abuse and how victims are treated.
GENDER BIAS IN SELF-DEFENCE CASES: Many people go by the creed that a man should never hit a woman. Ever.
This is a good creed to live by, but unfortunately too many people look the other way when it is the woman hitting the man. This is not acceptable either and the creed should really be more along the lines of "nobody should hit another person".
The biggest part of this issue for me though is that men are expected to never use physical force against women, even in self-defence where they are in danger of serious harm.
People often try to minimize the issue by saying that men are stronger/bigger than women and can "just walk away".
This is often not true though. When I go outside or watch the news I rarely see huge hulking men being the most common example of males.
Many of us men are not "bigger and stronger" than women. So a physically abusive woman could easily hurt us seriously if she got mad. Trying to walk away from an abuser who gets like that would be about as effective as it would be for a woman trying to just "walk away" from her abusive husband whose in the middle of a violent rage.
I'm NOT saying men who are in abusive relationships should EVER turn around and start beating up their physically abusive wives.
Male abuse victims need to deal with abusive relationships the same way women are supposed to. By seeking help and making a safe plan for removing themselves from the relationship while documenting the abuse for legal purposes.
HOWEVER, if a male victim of domestic violence is forced to use physical force against his abuser in order to defend himself from further harm (or death) and wasn't able to get away to safety in order to avoid the violence, then he SHOULDN'T be treated as though he is the bad guy for doing so.
Just like a woman in the SAME situation shouldn't be treated like she's a bad person for defending herself when she had no other options.
Here is an example of this type of abuse that comes from this very group. It hit me especially hard because of my own history on DS:
A man joined DS because he was stuck in an abusive relationship with a violent woman. She would hit him with her hands and objects, and would sometimes tell him she wants him dead. He was apparently just an average size guy and not some hulking, brick wall of a man and never could bring himself to defend himself from her assaults against him.
One day he finally had enough and used physical force to push her away and then restrain her when she kept coming after him. He restrained her and tried to talk her down rather than beat her up.
The whole ordeal was very upsetting for him, as he explained, since it was not in his nature to fight back. He didn't like the idea of being a man who hits women, and having been backed into a corner and forced to defend himself by using force like that was very upsetting to him.
However, when he tried seeking support and help getting out of his situation he was attacked by a number of members on DS.
It didn't matter to them that he was defending himself after being backed into a corner and was being physically harmed by a person with a history of threatening to end his life.
All that mattered to them was that he was male and that he had used force against a woman.
These members hounded and vilified him over this until he left DS.
This hit me hard because I had been waiting for a little over a year to encounter another male DS member who had also encountered traumatic abuse at the hands of a woman and was looking for support. It seemed like I finally had a chance to meet someone in a similar boat I could relate with and work with to find help for both of us. But then that all vanished before my eyes since society apparently believes that it's only acceptable for women to defend themselves from a violent partner.
I'm sorry if that example upsets or offends anyone. It just hit me particularly hard when it happened.
I will say that I also think it's horrible to have ANYBODY abuse another person. And I also have to say, when a woman gets into some manic rage, she can get WILD and STRONG with that adrenaline. So I can totally see why a man would need to do as you wrote. However, due to society, I'd suggest the more prudent thing would be to get the car keys and drive away or to lock myself in the bathroom with my cell phone and call the police.
But I agree that if a woman hits a man, that's just stupid on her part. (Unless it's to get away from HER abuser.)
What a shame that we even have to be having this type of discussion, huh?
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST MALE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS: When you call a domestic violence hotline or go to a domestic violence shelter the expectation is that they will try to help you or at least try to give you some emotional support. However, in most cases where a the victim is male this does not happen.
A study found that in most cases male victims are refused service of any kind, accused of actually being the abuser, ridiculed by staff, referred to a batterer's program (programs for treating physically abusive men), or in one of the better case scenarios they are simply told to just go to a homeless shelter.
Link to the study:https://nationalparentsorganization.org/blog/3977-researcher-what-hap-3977
This is a serious problem as male victims need help too, but many (if not most) are denied assistance based on their gender.
There used to be shelters exclusively for helping men (just as there are so many exclusively for women), but now there are only a couple left since many advocates claimed these shelters discriminated against female victims.
That's right. Advocacy groups for abuse victims were in favor of having female only shelters in order to give female victims safe places to go, but were against allowing male victims to have male only shelters because it discriminates against women.
How are abused men supposed to get help when most of the places meant to provide it refuse to assist men and or ridicule men who need the help?!
Imagine how it would feel to be in a relationship where your partner physically abuses you and when you finally work up the courage to call a hotline or go to a shelter to seek help you are told that you deserve the abuse and then get turned away.
This type of treatment of abuse victims should never be tolerated. Any domestic violence hotline or shelter employee who treats victims like this should be fired immediately and barred from that line of work.
What's sadder still is that this type of behavior even happens in support groups (as detailed in the previous example).
It has even happened to me. When I first joined DS and worked up the courage to discuss my abuse and the debilitating flashbacks/dissociations I was dealing with I got attacked by various members.
I was told I deserved the abuse since I'm a man; that I should join women hating groups if I wanted sympathy for being abused by various women throughout my life; that I was deliberately being difficult for not seeking treatment at centers that are nowhere near the state I live in and/or couldn't possibly afford on my income; and that I basically have no right to complain about any of the abuse or trauma I went through since I'm a man and women as a whole have it so much worse than I ever could.
Eventually I learned to just stop trying to share my story and simply wait for more men in similar situations to join the site. It's been over a year now and I'm still waiting.
I came up in the LGBTQ rights movement...and, well, we LGBTQ people were (and still are somewhat) treated as second class citizens to some degree *because we gross people out*. Especially transsexual people.
So...someone's "right" to not get offended translates to "don't talk about large segments of your life," on your job for some of us? Or to even get a job, because a woman with a huge Adam's apple just offends someone in the office?
...the old men in gimp suits...would raise the entertainment value of my bus fare. Yes, really. People letting their freak flag fly doesn't offend me usually, I feel more of a subversive joy in seeing people who are sooooo not conforming.
Anyway...a woman hitting a man is still not ok. Even if he's huge and she's tiny. Being hit hurts one psychologically, even if the physical damage is not great.
One of my friends got hit by his ex GF. He eventually put her in holds and used pressure points on her? Didn't really work, but he tried that. I don't blame him, she should not have been hitting him in the first place.
He's 250 pounds, built like a brick outhouse, and she was small. But it's not ok.
...my thoughts and opinions, take or leave...
My main issue with clothing is when it is EXCESSIVELY revealing or sexually provocative and worn in public.
Due to the abuse I have experienced over the years I feel extraordinarily unsafe around women dressed too provocatively in public. Being around one makes me feel as though I will be attacked or harmed at any second and honestly makes me fear for my safety.
I have repeatedly encountered women in the past who have extorted me for various things with threats of falsely accusing me of sexual harassment if I didn't comply. I have also been physically assaulted by women for simply being in the same room. In NONE of these cases have witnesses or bystanders EVER stepped in, said anything or otherwise defend me in any way. In some cases they even cheered on the abusive women.
I've learned that people generally don't care when these things happen to men and will either turn a blind eye to the abuse or support the abuser if the abuser is female.
So when women who are dressed in an EXCESSIVELY revealing or provocative manner get too close to me it feels far too much like they could attempt to use the situation to falsely accuse me of something in order to hurt or extort something from me too.
This isn't about people getting grossed out by another person's sexuality. It's an issue of the some people dressing in ways that make others feel unsafe in public places.
I know that statistically, women who have been assaulted have not been wearing revealing clothing. But really, why do it at all???
I think we are oversexed as a culture in general. It's been normalized, and that's a shame. I should be able to walk down the street without seeing butt cheeks and boob cleavage. And I should be able to teach my classes without having to forcefully avert my eyes. It's just TMI and too distracting. And I'm a female. But if a MALE teacher says anything, they are a "pervert."
As for gender-bending, it's a bit confusing for me, but I really could care less. If a man looks feminine or a woman looks masculine... what's it to me. I just don't appreciate when someone shoves their views onto me so it's difficult for ME to just go about my business. That's when I think their rights are stepping upon mine.
Anyways, here's another addition to the list.
SHAMING SHY PEOPLE: Oftentimes shy people (both female and male) get treated as "creeps" or otherwise potentially bad people due to being too shy or socially awkward.
I'm not sure what all shy women endure since I'm a guy, but I'm sure it's comparable to what shy men endure. I would imagine much of it is the same, but different in a few areas.
I notice that shy individuals are often treated or spoken of as being "creepy" or "strange". People commonly talk about shy individuals seeming like they're probably dangerous/crazy people and need to be avoided.
The innocent shy girl who likes to read and socialize with a small circle of close friends ends up being avoided by others who act or talk about her as though she'll turn out to be a creepy/obsessive stalker if you talk to her.
The quiet, shy guy who can't muster the confidence to introduce himself to women ends up getting glares and called a creeper.
These are just two if the most basic examples of how shy individuals get abused in wats that society deems "acceptable".