Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I just have a simple question really, I broke up with my fianc early December after realising he was emotionally abusing me, I tried to explain to him what was going on, as I didn't think it was fair that he didn't understand, I even told him what my counsellor had said but he didn't believe it/take it on board, he really cant see it and still thinks its my fault, is that normal? I just can not understand why he cant see or understand what was happening.
If your abuser treats some people well then you know he/she can control it. If they can control it they are choosing to be abusive. I spent many years believing if only I could get him to see it then he would choose to change but I now realize it was ME who needed to understand that this has been a choice.
Or else, they're unaware of it, in which case, you face the task of holding up to the light behavior that they have decided to bury out of their own sight. Then convincing them that they have been doing things which they admit are monsterous. Or, they can lean back, secure in the knowledge that you don't know what you're talking about, and they need not feel a bit of guilt.
Sadly, the kind of courage and fortitude it would take to face the fact that they are abusive is exactly the kind of courage and fortitude they show they lack by abusing in the first place. If they were the kind of person who could admit that they were at fault, they wouldn't need to control you to begin with. And it'll always be easier just to lay the blame elsewhere.