Textbook abusive reaction.

Yep, he won't 'see' it because he can't. They cannot take responsibility for their own behaviour.

Good for you breaking free! Hugs xxx

I have been through too many abusive relationships and as ooooo replied, the common factor in any abuser is lack of accountability. Nothing is their fault. They also have a sense of entitlement. You could argue till the cows came home and you may as well talk to the wall, it would listen better.
Another thing to realize, you will never get closure. That is why NC is so important. They will just take any attempt you make, even negative attention and use it to keep the door open for a possible future interaction with you. It is all about control and manipulation with an abuser, not about feelings, emotions or being kind or fair.
You do yourself a favor by removing yourself from the abusers life and taking care of YOU. Best wishes and hugs.

straight to the point answer but explains everything! thanks :)

please take this in the positive way it is intended.......

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

it took a lot of guts to stand up for yourself. I hope you see that you did the right thing.

thank you for the comments, my last comment was for the first one! I just couldn't get my head around it, makes sense though.

im not sure where I got the strength to do it really, I wasn't planning on breaking up but something inside me snapped and I had enough, this website has helped me so much to help me understand what I was going through.

Totally textbook response.

Alternatively, particularly in
long term relationships, and
if the abuser believes he (or
she) is losing their victim,
the abuser may say that
they get it and that they
will change. This is ALL
TALK ---- an attempt to
manipulate the victim
into staying with the
abuser.

Generally, abusers do not
want to be identified as
being an abuser.

Do abusers know they are abusers?

That's pretty much at the root of abuse. If they could *truly* see their behavior was wrong, they wouldn't be abusers.

ah yes good point azkevin

Kudos to you for getting out before marriage and kids! Wish I had. Now you can have a bright and better future!

You asked if abusers know they are abusers. Some of them do, yet still abuse. that's a bit unnerving, and what I am dealing with now. My girlfriend admits she has abused previous boyfriends. She admits she has hit people, manipulated, cheated, that she screams, says hurtful and mean things. Yet, she has done many of those to me, and still sometimes blames me. her new thing is worrying that she is pressuring me or manipulating me into marriage. Yet she still continues the behavior!

I've come to believe there are 2 types of abusers, those that know what they are doing and those that don't.

There have been plenty accounts of victims uncovering journals or comments where the abuser is clearly doing it on purpose.

But there is also the type that doesn't believe they are abusive. As my counselor says, "Abusers are so convincing because they believe their own shit!" (sorry for the language, but it punctuates the thought perfectly.)

But the great point is, whether they know they are abusive or not DOESN'T MATTER. Not knowing does not excuse a thing. In both cases, the abuse is coming from the exact same point, an EXTREME sense of entitlement. Knowing or not is just a matter of flavor.

thank you so much for your answers, I was having a really hard time trying to get him to understand but realise now he never will so I have got to stop beating myself up about it.