Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I left my husband THREE years ago. He was a wonderful husband and father for more than twenty years and then he began to abuse prescription drugs and his alcohol intake increased exponentially. He became verbally abusive to myself and to my daughter. After almost six months of it, she and I left. (She was 15)
Oddly, once I left him, I couldn't exactly see anymore how bad it was and I began to grieve the loss of the marriage. I spent more than a year explaining to him, grieving for him, begging him to seek help, begging him to take me back, and all the while he continued the verbal abuse every single day over the phone and I took it. (He is in the military and an ocean separated us)
I spent the next year going through the whole separation and then divorce process, accepting that it was over, but STILL having very emotional, abusive conversations and a couple of visits that turned out awful.
My therapist said that I am in desperate need of NC. For real. Once and for all. My pattern tends to be that I am okay for a few days and then I call and let him abuse me for a few more days and then I stop for a few days before I forget how bad it really is and it starts again.
I need a daily check in place. Can I use this thread as a daily check in on the no contact? I would like to add that while I am currently working on NC now, my goal to truly sever contact will begin Dec. 26. I don't want to fail as I know he will call on Christmas and I fear the emotion of it will cause me to answer. MAYBE I won't and that would be grand.
Right now it has been 1 DAY, 10 HOURS, and 58 MINUTES
Oddly, once I left him, I couldn't exactly see anymore how bad it was and I began to grieve the loss of the marriage. I spent more than a year explaining to him, grieving for him, begging him to seek help, begging him to take me back, and all the while he continued the verbal abuse every single day over the phone and I took it. (He is in the military and an ocean separated us)
I spent the next year going through the whole separation and then divorce process, accepting that it was over, but STILL having very emotional, abusive conversations and a couple of visits that turned out awful.
My therapist said that I am in desperate need of NC. For real. Once and for all. My pattern tends to be that I am okay for a few days and then I call and let him abuse me for a few more days and then I stop for a few days before I forget how bad it really is and it starts again.
I need a daily check in place. Can I use this thread as a daily check in on the no contact? I would like to add that while I am currently working on NC now, my goal to truly sever contact will begin Dec. 26. I don't want to fail as I know he will call on Christmas and I fear the emotion of it will cause me to answer. MAYBE I won't and that would be grand.
Right now it has been 1 DAY, 10 HOURS, and 58 MINUTES
I was in a 30+ year relationship & marriage when my eyes finally opened to the realities of my family and marriage. I have 2 kids who are late teens. I have been divorced for a little over a year. I have been NC and can tell you that it will be the best thing for you. It is very, very hard, especially at the beginning. I had to resist the urge to contact him and to not feel guilty that I didn't answer him but it pays off in the long run.
I still have times, that my mind takes me to thoughts like "if I just" or "maybe if I" but those times are farther apart as time goes on. The holiday season makes things challenging though. My mind will take me to times early in the marriage when he behaved much differently but I have to remind myself he wasn't like that the last few years.
You are seeing that his contact just draws you in and he is not treating you respectfully or kindly. His behavior is not changing in your interactions.
He is responsible for his behavior, we are only responsible for our behavior and we can't fix or change anyone else, we can only change ourselves. Practice good self care and focus on you and your happiness.
Stay strong, keeping you and your daughter in my prayers. Take good care.
It is so darn sad even after all this time. He has moments of being his old self which I now know is just intended to pull me back in. It is frighteningly predictable.
Conversations like
"So, Shannon, oh baby, I was thinking about you today and I sure miss how good the old times were"
"Oh, honey, me, too. I am so sorry this happened to us. We were such a happy family once."
'Yeah, until you left me, B****. Took my kid away and she was without her father. What kind of mother does that make you? All you want from me is my money. What does that make you? A wh***. A well paid WH***. "
So, I always, ALWAYS, hang up wishing I had not taken the call but ALWAYS hoping when he does call that it will be different.
Today was hard. Setting up a new apartment. I just moved to a slightly larger apartment. Trying to set up a new bed and table and it was just awful. I was not left with the "girl power" feeling I was hoping for. I was left with a feeling of "Meh, that bed is wobbly and maybe I shouldn't have bought it. I paid too much. It is junk. You can't do this. You need him to put your furniture together."
But I have to pat myself on the back and say, Hey, Shan, you know what? You felt like crying and you missed him and you felt alone and scared but you CHOSE to not be abused today.
1 Day, 22 Hours, 50 minutes and counting. NC!
I feel a strong recovery is in my future. I wish I could feel like this always.
Mending, I see he left on Sept. 12th. Did you catch that I have been going through this for three years? I left him in March of 2012 and I have been struggling since then to remove that abuser from myself and today I find myself on only day two. Honey, I am NOT doing better than you. We are all doing what we can. We are a team, my friend. If I can do this, anyone can. xoxo
2 days, 1 hour, 53 min
Quiet lonely Sunday morning. My daughter doesn't live at home any longer. Even though she lives close by and my son is coming home for Christmas... it is still lonely. Decorating a little for Christmas. I am very fortunate to have family nearby but it isn't the same. I would be grieving the loss of my "children" anyway as I begin this empty nesting but without him the nest seems especially empty. This was the time in our life we were supposed to be settling into our life together, just the two of us. I am still pretty bummed about that and I feel an urge to call to tell him so. I am sad to know that the guy I want to talk to, my best friend for almost thirty years, isn't available. He isn't there anymore. That is so sad.
I'm not going to call. It is just sad.