Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
There are many on the board
who are, at this moment, thinking
about or are in the process of
leaving an abusive relationship.
Some see the future ahead as
an adventure. But for many, the
transition out is a scary one with
an uncertain future ahead.
I'm wondering if those who've
gotten out and are living new
lives, will share, along with me,
a little of what it's like.
For me, it was a long-term transition
during which, first, I separated and
moved to a different address. I tried
to see him, for awhile, still half hoping,
I suppose, that there might be a miracle.
There was none, Even separated, the
abuse got worse.
I finally filed and even the divorce
process took a couple years. Part
of the reason it took that long was
that I stood up for and held out for
the settlement to which I was entitled.
When my divorce came through,
my life, which was already somewhat
better, through the years of separation
and working toward divorce. . . . became,
in many, many ways. . . . . a dream come
true. There were aspects that were still
a hassle. Those hassles seemed to
come and go.
I was left with a baseline of WONDERFUL.
My overall health, improved. There were
a couple glitches. Three years ago I had
an episode when I passed kidney stones.
That week was excrutiatingly painful and
really, really EXPENSIVE. After the physical
pain, I spent a year paying off the hospital
bills. There was one other health issue
that I got diagnosed and fixed, and finally,
paid off.
I tried to date. Not a lot of success there.
Still working on that one.
Overall. . . . .ending my abusive marriage
was the single best thing I ever did in
my life. I got healthier. I got happier.
I wake up energized and anticipating
good things. I know bad things will
pop up, but I feel I've dealt with the
worst. It's an exciting adventure
from here.
So, once on my own, there were
still ups and downs. But the downs
have never taken me to the brink of
suicide! And the ups are more frequent
and are not in danger of being destroyed
by a dysfunctional partner.
What's YOUR new life like?
who are, at this moment, thinking
about or are in the process of
leaving an abusive relationship.
Some see the future ahead as
an adventure. But for many, the
transition out is a scary one with
an uncertain future ahead.
I'm wondering if those who've
gotten out and are living new
lives, will share, along with me,
a little of what it's like.
For me, it was a long-term transition
during which, first, I separated and
moved to a different address. I tried
to see him, for awhile, still half hoping,
I suppose, that there might be a miracle.
There was none, Even separated, the
abuse got worse.
I finally filed and even the divorce
process took a couple years. Part
of the reason it took that long was
that I stood up for and held out for
the settlement to which I was entitled.
When my divorce came through,
my life, which was already somewhat
better, through the years of separation
and working toward divorce. . . . became,
in many, many ways. . . . . a dream come
true. There were aspects that were still
a hassle. Those hassles seemed to
come and go.
I was left with a baseline of WONDERFUL.
My overall health, improved. There were
a couple glitches. Three years ago I had
an episode when I passed kidney stones.
That week was excrutiatingly painful and
really, really EXPENSIVE. After the physical
pain, I spent a year paying off the hospital
bills. There was one other health issue
that I got diagnosed and fixed, and finally,
paid off.
I tried to date. Not a lot of success there.
Still working on that one.
Overall. . . . .ending my abusive marriage
was the single best thing I ever did in
my life. I got healthier. I got happier.
I wake up energized and anticipating
good things. I know bad things will
pop up, but I feel I've dealt with the
worst. It's an exciting adventure
from here.
So, once on my own, there were
still ups and downs. But the downs
have never taken me to the brink of
suicide! And the ups are more frequent
and are not in danger of being destroyed
by a dysfunctional partner.
What's YOUR new life like?
It's great to treat yourself like a princess isn't it RachelRachel :) I bought a lipliner a couple of days ago. My old one was 20 years old!!! I was so used to having an old one and I used to wear makeup so rarely that that seemed perfectly reasonable. Not any more!
Inspirational post Illene...
My new life..To know this I want to give a jist of my old life..
Old Life - Distance from my family..Never going out with friends...Low self esteem..Scared of him every single day of my life..Feeling as low as to crossing the road so a car may hit me and free me of this unending pain (God I had almost forgotten this), unable to work well and never focused in office, looking elsewere and everywhere for validation that I am good enough, pretty enough and made some veryyyyy stupid decisions due to get any validation at all as my ex always made me feel ugly, stupid and unworthy.
New Life - Married to a wonderful guy.I know I can be never be the completely trusting individual I was, seems the experience has made me wiser whether I like it or not :-)..Life is just opposite to what it was..Really close to my family now, Confident, Focused in work, Happy, Relaxed, Thankful, Relived...Have some good friends and got rid of few toxic friends...But above all..At peace with who I am...No one to belittle me..No one to tell me how worthless I am..
I am now celebrating more than 5 years of abuse free life...
Thanks Illene this post really made my day...
. . . . . (in the
GENUINE sense
of the word!!!!!!!!!!!)
(so far). . . . . .
make MY day.
Please keep
them coming.
They're a beacon
that cuts through
the strangulating
darkness of abuse.
If I am insulted and then told it's a joke, I remind people it is at my expense and not tolerated. I call them on it. Plain and simple.
But that learning is what made me become a member of DS. I know what abuse is and what it feels like. It's AWFUL! and so unnecessary. Abuse is a choice! And I do remind people of that fact. I have a 0-tolerance to any kind of abuse.
I take really good care of me. I like that woman I see in the mirror!
I am happy overall and optimistic about life. I take the time to enjoy nature and sunsets and all that the Creator has offered us.
I chose to live alone and I love it. I live on my own terms in a clean apartment and maintain my health in all matters. I told my doctor last March I won't tolerate any kind of abuse and she agrees it can have a detriment on my health. So with that said, I walk the talk. :)
I appreciate this topic and I love the way we survive our bad experiences. That goes to show we are strong and safe in numbers.
Thank you Ilene and everyone else here. So glad I am here with you nice people. :)
Linda :D
On a brighter note I am much healthier, only have to deal with him a few times a week instead of 24/7, no longer walking on eggshells, doing my best to learn as much as I can about myself and how to deal with him. Glad my kids don't have to be with him 24/7. The three of us are happier, sillier and calmer than we were a year ago.
Doing my best to push through, but still feel beat up sometimes.
Because of all of you, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Some days it just seems brighter than other days:)
I am slowly returning to more of my old self. Smiling more, laughing more, just generally feeling more calm and less anxious. There are days where I can't sleep, or eat much, but other days I feel like me.
I'm not through yet, I go to the lawyer on Wednesday, but I know that I am on the road to recovery.