Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship since 1988 - first as an employee of my future and then as his wife (and employee). For some reason, my eyes were opened earlier this year upon the death of my grandmother - who had no life for most of it (5 children and a demanding sick husband) - when he died, her life began. When she died, I realized I had not lived a day with joy since I was 23 years old.
I remember commenting to my husband about 3 months ago that I felt numb and felt like I was drowning - I had no idea why. I would not say I was an alcoholic but when I did have a couple drinks, I felt compelled to continue so I would escape and stop feeling anything.
I reconnected with a friend from high school - who ironically enough - was there for me when I was 15 and had just ended a physically abusive relationship. He reappeared via Facebook and we started to talk - his life had been difficult as well and we just talked about home and old friends and it was like we were helping each other.
My husband pulled my cell phone bills and went onto my computer and was angered by the fact that I was talking to him. He felt it was an affair and for the first time, he physically beat me. I did not call the police but was advised by a lawyer to ensure that I at least saw a doctor. I did. He advised me to start planning a safe escape. That was over 4 weeks ago. What has ensued, is emotional abuse to the extreme.
I have hardly been able to leave the house, when I do, he calls my cell and keeps me on it for the entire time I am out. He won't allow me to make phone calls or have any private time. He wakes me up in the middle of the night to force me to have sex with him and continues to talk which has rendered me completely exhausted. I am at the point where I absolutely loathe him and want to leave.
The complication is that I have 2 teenage children - son, 16; daughter, 14. My husband has manipulated them into siding with him through telling them that I am a slut, an alcoholic and that I have serious mental problems. They have also been told that they will have no money if they take my side. Fact is, that I have basically been the sole caregiver for their entire lives. I have made sure that I was there to facilitate all of their activities and to care for them in all aspects of their lives - he did virtually nothing.
We have gone out to family dinners over the past few days and he texts me during dinner to call me a whore and worse...
After 4 weeks of the roller coaster which is getting more extreme - for psychotic rages to desperate loving pleas to keep our family together - I simply cannot continue. I have, for the first time in my life, suicidal thoughts because I can't see my way out of this.
My lawyer has simply given me one rule and that is to not leave the house. But I cannot take one more second of this!! Please help me someone!!
I remember commenting to my husband about 3 months ago that I felt numb and felt like I was drowning - I had no idea why. I would not say I was an alcoholic but when I did have a couple drinks, I felt compelled to continue so I would escape and stop feeling anything.
I reconnected with a friend from high school - who ironically enough - was there for me when I was 15 and had just ended a physically abusive relationship. He reappeared via Facebook and we started to talk - his life had been difficult as well and we just talked about home and old friends and it was like we were helping each other.
My husband pulled my cell phone bills and went onto my computer and was angered by the fact that I was talking to him. He felt it was an affair and for the first time, he physically beat me. I did not call the police but was advised by a lawyer to ensure that I at least saw a doctor. I did. He advised me to start planning a safe escape. That was over 4 weeks ago. What has ensued, is emotional abuse to the extreme.
I have hardly been able to leave the house, when I do, he calls my cell and keeps me on it for the entire time I am out. He won't allow me to make phone calls or have any private time. He wakes me up in the middle of the night to force me to have sex with him and continues to talk which has rendered me completely exhausted. I am at the point where I absolutely loathe him and want to leave.
The complication is that I have 2 teenage children - son, 16; daughter, 14. My husband has manipulated them into siding with him through telling them that I am a slut, an alcoholic and that I have serious mental problems. They have also been told that they will have no money if they take my side. Fact is, that I have basically been the sole caregiver for their entire lives. I have made sure that I was there to facilitate all of their activities and to care for them in all aspects of their lives - he did virtually nothing.
We have gone out to family dinners over the past few days and he texts me during dinner to call me a whore and worse...
After 4 weeks of the roller coaster which is getting more extreme - for psychotic rages to desperate loving pleas to keep our family together - I simply cannot continue. I have, for the first time in my life, suicidal thoughts because I can't see my way out of this.
My lawyer has simply given me one rule and that is to not leave the house. But I cannot take one more second of this!! Please help me someone!!
1-800-363-9010
(Canada, DV hotline)
Please do it TODAY.
Later I was out with my daughter at a sports event and eventhough he knew the schedule, when I walked into the house, he told me to get the f*&( out and ragged on me about being out too long and and not texting or calling him to let him know when I would be home. Make no mistake, I avoid contact with him at any cost - I will not be reaching out to him unless a gun is to my head.
He has had me change a flight which was scheduled to today until tomorrow. I pray that he sticks with this flight. In the past 4 weeks, he has cancelled several flights, cancelled all business meetings and worked from home - all in a successful attempt to limit my access to the outside world and to control me.
My counsellor has given me 2 items on my to-do list: meet with my lawyer and meet with the Abuse Support people in order to get advice as to how to continue to weather this in the short term while planning my safe escape - hopefully with my children. They, however, have been fully manipulated by my husband to believe that I am a "slut" and that any problems in our relationship are my fault. the real problem is that I have awoken, will not tolerate the abuse and am planning to leave him. Any indication of this to him, sets him off.
I thank you so much for your support... I will be free, hopefully soon.
and I had nights and nights and nights of all night tirades...I walked around on two hours of sleep..it was lame...
I'm still with him, still trying to figure out a way out here with my two little kids.
I lied to him- told him that I needed time, needed to 'work on myself' to see if we could save the relationship.
ever since then, he's been much better, putting on this good face, and it has made it a lot easier.
your situation is EXTREME!!!!!!
why does your lawyer say that you must stay in the home?
I just don't get that.
make your keep those texts that he sends you-document everything he says to you-even if you put it in an email and send it to yourself, or put it in your drafts.
every time he keeps you up all night raging write it down.
I just can't figure out why you are supposed to stay there/
the problem is that the experts believe now based on what I am experiencing that when I leave, the reaction will be dramatic and dangerous. If I leave the kids behind, they will be in danger due to the irrational behaviour he appears to be exhibiting. He is busy manipulating him - which is the way he hurts me most - making me look like a bad mother in the eyes of my kids does make me sad. That said, I do think that they also side with him out of a bit of fear themselves.
He actually did leave the house today for a couple of meetings - So far I have fielded 3 phone calls, a text saying how much he loves me and is thinking about us, and an email saying that he loves me. It makes me want to puke. if I don't reply, I know I am in for a difficult day.
I am tired physically, I need a break - but unfortunately, it appears that the only break I will get is if I leave for good. He even freaked out on the weekend when I wanted to meet a friend for coffee - said my priorities were fucked up because my marriage was in crisis and I wanted to meet with a friend. This friend had an abusive father who was almost identical to her mother in behaviour to my husband. I got the assurance I needed, that I was not crazy myself and that it was not me dreaming this up in my head.
I just need him to get on that flight tomorrow... It will give me some peace, a chance for some rest and some real planning.
Thanks for your support, guys!!
I really hope he doesn't cancel it.
and yeah, it does sound like things could go bad when you go.
I pray for a safe and speedy exit.
As I said to my counsellor yesterday, it is like I have both feet out of the relationship and I am watching it from outside. I see exactly how his words and actions are designed to control mine. I have fully detached myself from them and unfortunately and starting to speak out on certain things. I do know that I need to watch that for safety reasons...
Rachel, thanks for being there! I truly wish the best for you and your little ones as well.
While in the car, I called my doctor to make an appointment to get some sleeping pills as I am getting more and more fatigued by the day. While he knew I was on my way to the doctor's office after dropping him off, he continued to call me every few minutes to say that he felt it so wrong in his heart that we be apart for one minute - puke!
when I arrived at the doctor's office, my phone started ringing like crazy. I texted him back and he said that an business associate said there was an emergency and just at the time of boarding, he needed to cancel the flight and come home. I was short and rude with him because I am at my wit's end, need rest and time to get support.
He also kept me up all night last night again - interrogating me, demanding promises concerning our relationship and then saying that when he left in the morning our relationship would be over... by morning, he was concerned about leaving and being away for Mother's Day.
I need a break so badly and just don't know how to get it. I plan on meeting my Mom tomorrow to have lunch and go shopping but I know he will have a meltdown and go crazy again. he simply will not let me out of his sight.
I was thinking about the woman who drove into the Hudson River this morning again. I would have never understood how she felt and why she would be at the point, until now when I realize what it is like to feel like there is no way out!!
Canada has a good support system for women
being abused/
Please use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am still under the same room as my abuser, but not for long. I'm still abused, however I, like you, can see right though his attempts to manipulate me, and hurt me, but because I am finally detached, I really don't care. He hates that his power trips really don't bother me.
My humble advice, you need to be out too...far away...let's do IT!!
I am with you - I need and want to be as far away from this as possible. If it wasn't for my children, I would have already been gone!
I did leave him (its been almost 6 months) and I can say this.
It's wonderful! I understand it's very hard, especially when you have kids (my son is only little)...remember, you can get through this.
For me, I would highly recommend leaving - because it's good for you, for your kids and you will only realise exactly how bad it was AFTER you have left.
If you have any questions, please feel free to message me.
Take care and may God give you courage and strength at this time.
Karen
Good luck and hugs...