I don't know about your story, but all stories here are similar. First of all, don't beat yourself up. We all process things in our own time and in our own ways. Some people are faster to ditch relationships, others of us who tend to have big hearts want to believe the best in everyone and tend to give more chances than we should.

Dust yourself off, and let the smart folks here remind you why you're worth having happiness and serenity away from people that would exploit you.

/hugs

Hi, I am not familiar with your whole story, but I have read your post and I felt your anxiety. How bad is it now, are you in immediate danger ? What are your trying to reason about?
You are not stupid at all. But the reason you came back should be understood and dealt with properly.

Thank you ehope and sidi...
i came back nov last year... everything has been fine... and then all of a sudden he start ignoring me.. talking over me.. telling me do as im told again... telling me i need learn.. i need to listen to him etc... i told him to stop talking to me like im a kid and he said well stop acting like one... thats when my gut started to do somersaults... ive not slept since.. and i cant eat.. i just feel so sick...
i also brought up the no sex / witholding today and hes saying im always hot in bed.. that he goes to hug me and im always hot.. ... ive actually only been hot because the wether has changed for about a week... so IM actually on about the last 5 months... do so do think this is just an excuse?

How was he like before you came back? Was it the same emotional abuse?
It seems to me that the no sex adds up to the measures he has taken to assert his control on you again. Maybe to tame so you won't leave again. And he does it well because you are feeling weak and anxious.
He does not sound rational to me in his explanations.

give me a min sidi... my anxiety has just gone through the roof... im meant to be going to a group support session and its just making me feel sick being with so many people... please stay with me i really need help xxx

sidi... i was away for nearly 18 months... he would phone me up and say stuff like...if you dont come back im going to have to beat you up to knock some sense into you... or i am going to have to shoot you if you dont come back...... the sex or lack of it... well its been an issue for a long time... basically hes witheld for 14 years and when i do mention it he laughs , when i try to kiss him properley he laughs... like i said i have mentioned it today and hes saying it because of me... to me - if he wanted me he would make the effort.... xxx

So he is being consistent with the desire to own you. From threats to mocking and ignoring your wishes. It's hell. I know what you are going through. When you feel that anxious, I suggest you go back in your head to places where you have felt strong , safe and in control.

I have sent you a friend request, you can message me anytime and write me anything. It is best that you don't give away too much personal information that may disclose who you are here on the public board for your own safety.

I want add here that when you are dealing with a bully who is managing you by intimidation and making you feel worthless, it is completely natural to feel nervous in public and around many people. Your self - esteem is being attacked by a loved one.
Maybe the purpose of him wanting you back was confusing. I think it's more the idea of having you, the commodity than love.

when you say bully... hes not physically threatening me as such... i know bullies and hes not like this... or has he pulled the wool again?
i cant seem to be able to have a deep and meaningful talk or discussion with him.. whatever i say he seems to have a valid answer for... perhaps i am turning him away but he hasnt made a move either...perhaps he has a problem.. perhaps it IS me thats wrong..

this is the definition of bully from merriam - webster - b
1
: to treat abusively
2
: to affect by means of force or coercion
He doesn't have to be physically abusive.
You do need help to get out of there. I cannot help you with resources for help, but know I am here for you for support.

You don't need him to tell you what's okay and what's not okay. You are not a fool nor stupid. You can trust yourself that what you see is real. According to what you have written you are being abused. Document your conversations with him, it will provide proof if he tries to deny something. But keep it away from him.

Sidi - thank you x x
i cant even explain how im feeling right now... i feel sad.. numb... annoyed.. depressed... so much more...
and ive got that feeling of wanting to sleep again... i just want to sleep and sleep..im so tired of all a sudden.... i hate feeling like this... ive forgotten how bad this feeling is ... thank you though... i think im in shock too... im having trouble processing that hes abusing me again x

You don't have to explain. Somebody is trying to shut you down. He has never stopped abusing you. They never stop as long as you let them control your mind and your actions.
There is nothing to question in your behavior.

It is STUPID to love someone?

You will end this relationship if it needs ending when the time is right, and that time obviously isn't now. Just keep your wits about you until then if then applies.