I can only write of my own experience. It all falls under abuse. I delt with years of physical, emotional, and mental abuse as a child. Not only that I was also molested when I was 6-8. I am now in a 7 year relationship with 2 children and find myself again the reciever of abuse.
My question is it possible that one who survives abuse as a child is more subjectable to end up in an abusive relationship as an adult?
I too deal with or as you put it suffer form flashbacks, fear of people and other problems. I feel that my attempts to "get out there" so to say and not let my past haunt me has left me valnurable to open up to people when it was not what I should be doing which has led to many bad decisions in my more re cent past.
I think we all fall into the same catagory and anything you have learned from your life experiences in how to survive through abuse could be helpful to anyone dealing with any type of abuse. Being a victim of someone else's pain is a hard thing to deal with whether it is in the here and now or years past. I feel we could all learn from and help eachother. That's just me!

i think if you want to set it up people will join. i was abused for 16 years and i suffer from ptsd which makes me have nightmares flash backs and even fear of people who remind of my mom and her boyfriend. its totally normal. if you ever need to talk i am here

I would join that community, if it existed.

Is there a way someone can PM us if/when it's created?

Thanks!

Add me in Beaumont. Great idea!!!!

Please message me if you want me to comment somewhere as I may not have noticed it through time pressures.

I was an abused child. Long story. So were my parents. I have dealt with a fair bit of it by now, but am still chipping away at other stuff. Maybe I've only been working at the tip of the iceberg? Anyway, I'm willing to join in such discussions and join such a community.

Even though I'm new to this site I like you idea of having our own community. I know I have emotional baggage that no one should have to endure so I'd rather take care of myself first. I didn't endure physcial abuse (that I'm aware of. There are reasons why I question the posibilty that something may have happened when I was very young) growing up but the emotional/mental abuse from my parents still effects my every movements, thoughts & choices to this day. Even though I'm 27 my parents still try to control me. They have taught me nothing about love or respect but that life is to be viewed with negativity, bitterness & criticism. So I inevitably have addapted this belief system & now I struggle immensely just to accept myself. It sucks! I have pushed nearly everyone from my life over the years because I don't know how to accept friends or people who are remotely 'normal'. & since I started to wake up & realize I had true issues, I haven't wanted to get into a relationship since my last break up over 5 years ago. As much as I want to find that 'someone special' & settle down, the thought of either putting someone else through my struggles or attracting another abuser isn't what I want or need. Not to mention the thought of having kids & poss. passing on my bad habits scares the hell out of me. So, here I am.

i too would love to see this community made and would be happy to join. i dealt with physical and emotional (what is the difference between emotional and verbal abuse?) abuse growing up and even when I left and moved out--I thought it would end then; but, would get berated with drunk phone calls and abuse over the phone (why is hanging up so hard?). Anyways, I know my mom did not mean it, she just has a lot of issues she was working through and she doesnt remember anything anyways. she is always really sorry whenever it comes up. the other people we lived with were just plain mean and, i dunno, i guess i just knew how to piss everyone off... anyways, it would be helpful to have a community or sub-community specifically for childhood abuse. *shrug* if that is what others want as well.

I was abused as a child from 5-12. no one believed me either but awful things happened to me, things I coninue to be shame of

We can always post on this forum anyway if we have childhood issues. Just be clear in your topic name and go for it. Childhood abuse does come under "physical and emotional abuse" so childhood survivors fit here. And childhood survivors often go on to be abused or abusing.

Crimson, you will find working on boundaries and assertion is a great help to you with your mom. But also you need to heal to the point you feel more ok in yourself.

keres, I was touched by your kindness and understanding regarding your mother. She must be very unhappy. About the difference between physical and emotional abuse, physical abuse is ALSO emotional abuse. You could do Google searches or read up on abuse. Maybe you could go to Alanon if you haven't already and also read Adult Children of Alcoholics books - there are some great ones out there see http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/105-6935875-7263612?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=adult+children+of+alcoholics. These books are helpful even if alcohol wasn't involved.


We can help each other, in our different ways, right now, if we just post new topics and respond.

there are really helpful books on how to grieve for child abuse, the ones i have are by John Bradshaw, but id say there are other authors as well. Its called Inner Wounded Child Therapy. It really helped me with my codependancy, and made sense of stuff. Or you could bring up 'inner wounded child therapy' with yr therapist.

its all about how you were born as a perfect child and havent had yr needs met, and the little child inside of you never had the chance to grow properly. it helps u parent yr wounded child and relieve all those memories. sounds like a lot of what everyone is talking about here.

Growing up I lived in a sheltered world where I had NO CLUE that things like this were occurring. Horrible things happened to me as a child, and I'm pretty sure that it has EVERYTHING to do with the drama that is going on in my life now! It's a vicious cycle, that I can't seem to break. Having children is a mind wrecking process. I trust my children with no one, and that's why their father and I fight all the time! Over our kids! And then there goes the physical abuse from him! It seems like it will never end!

Charles Whitfield inspired Bradshaw. His book "Healing the Child Within" is phenomental - see http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002-4819697-4918431?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=charles+whitfield . You can get it second hand for peanuts.

With due respect, fighting with a partner isn't just about whatever they are fighting about. And rearing kids doesn't have to be mind wrecking. Nor does life have to be a drama. This is not a criticism but a comment that you may choose to use to point yourself to healing and learning.

Physical abuse from a partner is a very bad sign.

Sounds like you need a helping hand, SadNJ. I'm sorry to hear how tough it has been for you. It can get a lot better. But there need to be some changes.

A site for victims of child abuse would be great for those still suffering the emotional pain.

I am almost 60 and the wounds mostly closed now from emotional damage from the abuse can still be easily reopened. It has affected me my whole life. I know or recognize why I react to certain things the way I do, but knowing it still does not stop the feelings from flooding back in. it is something I will deal with the rest of my days.

As a child, I didn't recognize that my Daddy was abnormal or doing anything wrong. I thought all daddy's acted the way he did.

"As a child, I didn't recognize that my Daddy was abnormal or doing anything wrong." That's exactly how I felt about my dad. Except I didn't think that all fathers were like him. I just thought my dad was my dad and that was just the way he was. It was only later on that I realized he had been emotionally abusive to me.

We need new knowledge to get insight into what happens, like our childhood or marital abuse. In my case, I did not realise either clearly and certainly didn't name them as such till 15 years ago.

Yes, knowing (insight) is not enough. But this does not prove there are not ways to get relief. It just says knowing (about) is not enough. There are ways to get significant improvement.