Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My feelings this evening:
My first marriage - physical abuse, walked away with the clothes on my back and nothing else.
My second marriage - sexually abused our daughter, he wiped out our accounts before being arrested (wasting it all on defense and bail), I was left with nothing.
Current marriage - emotionally abusive (passive aggressive/narc), I really don't want to just walk away without fighting for what I deserve...but..
Is it better just to go, be safe, and move on? A part of me feels maybe so, and that it is best/right, but...
...a part of me feels this is part of my entire cycle and that I am always the giver, the empathizer and the one that will avoid the fight. I'm not sur I want that anymore. Now, I do not want to be like a friend (also who has had several abusive relationships). She might as wel be the militia at this point and is almost hard to be around she is so cynical, but I do want more than I have been willing to stand up for in the past.
Thoughts, opinions??
My first marriage - physical abuse, walked away with the clothes on my back and nothing else.
My second marriage - sexually abused our daughter, he wiped out our accounts before being arrested (wasting it all on defense and bail), I was left with nothing.
Current marriage - emotionally abusive (passive aggressive/narc), I really don't want to just walk away without fighting for what I deserve...but..
Is it better just to go, be safe, and move on? A part of me feels maybe so, and that it is best/right, but...
...a part of me feels this is part of my entire cycle and that I am always the giver, the empathizer and the one that will avoid the fight. I'm not sur I want that anymore. Now, I do not want to be like a friend (also who has had several abusive relationships). She might as wel be the militia at this point and is almost hard to be around she is so cynical, but I do want more than I have been willing to stand up for in the past.
Thoughts, opinions??
It's only money. Chase it for what it will do for you - or don't chase it because of what that will do to you.
Sorry that doesn't give you clear advice.
Did something happen to you when you were little? How was your parents marriage - has SOOOO much to do with the men we pick.
I do feel for you. Change is so scary - but remember ABUSE IS WORSE!
Terri
To me, I was just so young the first marriage, as was he and he had severe jealousy issues, and I got out FAST. And really, I was out dating, trying to be a normal college aged young woman and became pregnant, leading to me trying to do the right thing with my second husband. Although not perfect because I never "fell in love" with the kids' dad, we had a contented, appeared to be no problems relationship for 10 years - until I walked in on him with our daughter (later it was discovered he was severely abused as a child and had never told a soul).
At this point, it is not so much about the material things. I just feel like I have sacrificed enough, taken care of everyone else first, or walked away with nothing because it wasn't worth it to fight for it. And I think that is my problem and I want to change that. I want what I deserve to be worth fighting for and to have the strength to make it happen...just for my own sense of self and empowerment. I feel too much like the dog that has played nice with everyone and gotten kicked and beaten down for the effort.
I walked out on a 12 year abusive marriage and settled for very little because I just wanted out. In some ways I regret this, in other ways I was indeed just happy to have my freedom.
Fighting for what you deserve could be healing for you or it could also get you tangled in a web of legal ick...think about what you have to lose and what you have to gain.
I wish I could advise you better, but since I'm in the same situation, I can't say how it would all turn out. You could get your fair share or being what the court systems are like you could get screwed and end up with big legal bills. It really is just a crap shoot to me (but that is my humble opinion) :-) P.S. Not trying to influence you either way...just telling you my opinion! I wish you the best, whatever you choose to do! If you choose to fight - I SAY GO FOR IT ALL THE WAY! IF YOU CHOOSE TO WALK AWAY, THERE IS NO SHAME IN CHOOSING YOUR BATTLES! HUGS! GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DECIDE :-)