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Feeling....lame?

raniagale
raniagale
Update from the first week out in the new place and where I am tonight. It helped that I started back to classes this week and was getting things organized in the new place. It was difficult getting to sleep and I had several moments of just random thoughts, wishing I could call, he would call, or just that it sucks to have to let it go, but I reminded myself each time of all the painful things and when possible came here for a reminder.

Now that the rush of moving and getting everyone back to school is over, I feel; bored, restless, unsure of what to do. I feel like I am inventing productive things to do or forcing myself to do inane things to fill the time.

I think with him, I always had to be so on top of things that it was a mad race to keep everything to together and as he felt things should be. Now, I feel like in comparison I am doing absolutely nothing and feeling a bit lame.

I know the therapist said that with drastic change/tragedy, you have to form your own new "normal", but at this moment, I really have no idea what that is!
serenitystar
serenitystar
I feel the same way in respect to adapting to change. Change to living alone again is sooo hard. (((((hugs)))))
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
It is hard, but it will get easier. Make sure you try to do at least one thing that is just purely for you every day. And if it is something you would not have been "allowed" to do (or to enjoy), so much the better.

Hang in there, it gets easier, and you can invent your own normal, a pleasant and relaxed normal. I do know about the bored and lonely though. It takes so much energy just to be around them that it's hard to know what to do with ourselves when we no longer have to waste that energy. But you will find productive and/or relaxing ways to live for yourself and your kids.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I just want to say that it's wonderful you've gotten out safely and into a new place. Be careful though, I've gotten out for as much as a month at a time and have still gone back. It's when we begin to miss talking to them...to think warm thoughts and see only the good things that happened that we are in danger of falling back into the same patterns. Moving into a new place isn't a guarantee. Just remember the things he did to cause you to move out and how you felt at the time, this helps a lot.
I agree with you also, with my husband I am busy from early morning until night. I barely feel like I can do it all. Maybe this more mellow pace will give you time to reflect. You're going to need it to stay strong :). I wish you luck in your new place.
Tamehau
Tamehau
I agree with your therapist. I, like you, ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Then nothing. I had to find my new normal also. I just started back to the things I did before I met him. And slowly but surely I began enjoying life again. I started back writing, reading, doing puzzles, exercising. All the things that I had to lay by the wayside because I was "married". I am much happier now doing my own thing. You will find your normal again. And each step brings you one step closer to finding yourself again. Good luck to you. You are on a journey back to the light, embrace it.