Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
On a thread posted yesterday
I responded with an observation
that abusers suffer from
distorted perception.
Later on someone asked
me to be more specific.
Within that post, a responder
had speculated that maybe
the abuser in question was
acting as he didn't feel appreciated.
I said that was probably true,
that it was very possible that
this abuser didn't feel appreciated
and I observed that most abusers
genuinely don't feel appreciated.
This is the case because most
abusers have either been the
target of or witness to, abuse.
The scars left by the injury of
having been the target of or
having witnessed abuse
will ever after, result in the
kind of distorted perception that
will then propel the (usually) child
who's witnessed or experienced
abuse, to then go on through life
perceiving everyone after that as
reenacting what they experienced
or witnessed. They respond as
they couldn't when they were a
child. They respond by fighting
back. They abuse.
But now, they're not fighting back
against the person or people who
abused the them, when they were
a child. They're fighting back against
the abuse from long ago, but now
their action is to abuse yet another
innocent person.
So yes. . . . . its my experience that
most abusers feel short-changed.
Theres a strong chance that as a
child, they WERE short-changed.
This perspective that Ive laid out
is my explanation of why many abusers
do what they do. What this observation
is NOT, is an excuse.
I dont necessarily care why abusers do
what they do. I dont care.
Im sorry for their hard time. Yes. Im
sorry for the innocence lost. Im sorry
when ANYONE is abused.
Im sorry my mother was abused.
But then she abused me, and its
taken me a lifetime to recover.
Some of us who are abused
become abusive themselves.
Others who are abused end
up being abused again, by
others. Some of us, even
as survivors, still experience
some distortion in our perception.
But for sure, the ones who go
on to abuse other innocent people
are still experiencing the world
through a chronically distorted
perception.
In summray:
There is nothing we can do for them.
They will NEVER feel appreciated, no
matter what we do. We can never
praise them enough, stroke them
enough. . . . . ANYTHING. The
best thing to be done is to flee
the toxin. Run for your life. Don
a "bio-hazard" suit. LEAVE.
I responded with an observation
that abusers suffer from
distorted perception.
Later on someone asked
me to be more specific.
Within that post, a responder
had speculated that maybe
the abuser in question was
acting as he didn't feel appreciated.
I said that was probably true,
that it was very possible that
this abuser didn't feel appreciated
and I observed that most abusers
genuinely don't feel appreciated.
This is the case because most
abusers have either been the
target of or witness to, abuse.
The scars left by the injury of
having been the target of or
having witnessed abuse
will ever after, result in the
kind of distorted perception that
will then propel the (usually) child
who's witnessed or experienced
abuse, to then go on through life
perceiving everyone after that as
reenacting what they experienced
or witnessed. They respond as
they couldn't when they were a
child. They respond by fighting
back. They abuse.
But now, they're not fighting back
against the person or people who
abused the them, when they were
a child. They're fighting back against
the abuse from long ago, but now
their action is to abuse yet another
innocent person.
So yes. . . . . its my experience that
most abusers feel short-changed.
Theres a strong chance that as a
child, they WERE short-changed.
This perspective that Ive laid out
is my explanation of why many abusers
do what they do. What this observation
is NOT, is an excuse.
I dont necessarily care why abusers do
what they do. I dont care.
Im sorry for their hard time. Yes. Im
sorry for the innocence lost. Im sorry
when ANYONE is abused.
Im sorry my mother was abused.
But then she abused me, and its
taken me a lifetime to recover.
Some of us who are abused
become abusive themselves.
Others who are abused end
up being abused again, by
others. Some of us, even
as survivors, still experience
some distortion in our perception.
But for sure, the ones who go
on to abuse other innocent people
are still experiencing the world
through a chronically distorted
perception.
In summray:
There is nothing we can do for them.
They will NEVER feel appreciated, no
matter what we do. We can never
praise them enough, stroke them
enough. . . . . ANYTHING. The
best thing to be done is to flee
the toxin. Run for your life. Don
a "bio-hazard" suit. LEAVE.
And they were all older and what was done to them, they did to me.At ages when they should have known better.
Sometimes i wonder why i didn't become an abuser myself.Well first off i was not raised by my father and father but by nannies and stuff..........That could be a reason.
But i'm the only one who did not go on to abuse, i just left at a very young age.
I so agree with this post.