Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My socalled boyfriend said he was coming over to spend the night with me. He said this two weeks ago and we set up a date 10am Saturday to 6am Sunday. Well on the day he turned up at 10am left at 1pm to have a sleep, came back at 4pm played games on the computer and then left for the day on Saturday. As I write this I can already see the answer...I am just stupid for believing him?? Is he witholding sex to gain power over me? Not really sure. He is very abusive and critical all the time and I've been lately refusing to let it get to me. I am half laughing at his antics and crying at the same time. Any suggestions will be great. My friends don't like him so maybe they are right.
to scare you,
to demean you,
to torment you.
That's what gives
predators their high.
Good for you for
setting a boundary.
It's a good start.
The way back to yourself
includes the following steps:
You start by NOT
beating yourself
up for your past
choices.
You remind yourself
how life with the abuser
really was, not how
you'd hoped it would be.
That's the primary reason
I developed the Clarifying
Index Card exercise (which
is here on the forum; search
Ilene's Clarifying Index Card
exercise).
Then you focus on yourself.
Another exercise I developed
using index cards is called
The Hundred and One.
I posted it on D.S. two
years ago, Here's the
link to it:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/17495017-boredom-my-enemy-right/page-2
The exercise is in
Reply #12
Then you put your attention
on how incredible you are,
what you're proud of about
yourself, what you've done
that makes you feel good
about yourself, even if whatever
that is might seem trivial to
someone else. That doesn't
matter.
Every hour of every day you
make sure you practice
SELF-CARE.
If you weren't already
seeing a clinician, I'd
tell you to do a search
and find yourself a
great one. I'm glad
you're already set
up with someone
you trust.
In regards to continuing
to see your "friend,"
BE ALERT. He is still
the same abuser
he's always been.
At some point he
will almost certainly
become intolerably
frustrated with your
new boundary. If or
when this happens,
you need to be
ready to protect
yourself.
Good for you for
taking a step
forward. You're
on your way.