Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Firstly, I just want to say hello. I'm new to this site and this is the first post that I will be making.
I guess you could say that I grew up in a broken home in a bad inner city neighborhood. But being at home was like being in hell.
My mother was incredibly abusive, both physically and verbally, to my father, sister, and I. She's also an alcoholic and was a drug addict for a long time. I think that the worst thing that she's done to us is that she locked my father in the basement while my sister and I were using the bathroom, then set a pan filled with oil on the stove. My mom then left the kitchen and locked herself away in her bedroom while my dad couldn't get out. She tried burning the house down, with all of us locked inside, but somehow my older sister heard the smoke alarm going off and somehow managed to put out the fire downstairs in time. My whole family knew about this incident, but nobody reported it. Nobody helped us. Even when incidents got bad enough for the cops to come to the house, they never did anything, and it would make things worse after they left. I've been beaten, had my head held under a faucet, watched my father be beaten with a club, watched my sister nearly get run over by her, had my belongings thrown out a window and destroyed, been pushed off of chairs, screamed at in the face, yelled at in the middle of the night before school... the list goes on. She haunts me every day, and so do the memories.
I'm positive that she's a sociopath- she doesn't acknowledge that she's done anything wrong at all, and that she was a wonderful mother. When I was 18, I visited her and I had said something along the lines of 'you weren't the best mother.' And she flew out of her chair and was going to hit me until I took back the remark. She terrifies me sometimes.
My father functions to this day as her enabler, still in denial about the things that she had done. He never sought out help or tried to get my sister and I out of the equation. My sister would become just as bad, getting hooked on to drugs, sex, and eventually she because physically and emotionally abusive towards me. She would even allow her ex-boyfriend to sexually abuse me.
At age 15, I would eventually run away, become homeless, and live with other relatives and ex-boyfriends, some who also became abusive to me. Fortunately, I always did well in school, and I managed to earn nearly a full academic scholarship to college. I moved out on my own, made new relationships, and began to study mental health. I just graduated a few months ago and I live with my wonderful boyfriend of nearly 5 years.
It had nearly been two years since I had last spoken to any of my relatives (excluding my grandmother) since last month. I decided with the help of my therapist that I would finally cut off all contact with them, and things have been better. I was sick and tired of subjugating myself to be verbally and emotionally abused during her drunken rampages or when she would call at 12am... But then something happened;
My mother was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. When my grandmother told me, I nearly fell to the ground and just cried for an hour. The only thing I could say to her was 'I don't know how to feel.' Part of me was so angry at myself for cutting her away. Another was just relieved that she might no longer be a part of my life. But I wouldn't wish cancer or death on anyone, not even my own mother. She's only 45... she's too young.
I visited her for the first time in years not too long ago, a day before her surgery, back at my 'family' home. My father and sister were there as well. It was incredibly eerie. I felt like a ghost- like I had no presence. I was scared to see her- she looked like she was pregnant and had a 13 inch tumor on her stomach. I wanted to say so many things to her- I wanted to tell her how much I hated her, that I would never forgive her, how horrible of a mother she was, how sick she was for being in denial, but I didn't. I was too scared. And I didn't want to come off that way in front of her and all of my relatives. Instead we just had an empty conversation, and she explained to me the details of her surgery, the cancer, and the upcoming chemo. She hugged me several times, saying that she was glad that I came. Part of me wanted to cry, but I felt like I was so empty. Like there was nothing left for me to give. I felt like I was a deer in headlights, blanking out. And then I left.
My mother had the surgery removing the 13 inch tumor, but they don't know how far the cancer has spread yet. I still don't know how to feel, other than depressed. I've spent days laying in bed, being distant, pushing away my boyfriend and my friends. I feel so numb and empty. I've missed some of my therapy appointments, and now my therapist is out of town. She suggested that I write out a letter, telling my mother how I really feel. I tried, but I don't think it will help... even if I decide to give it to her or not. I just don't know what to do, or where to turn, especially since I feel like I just want to be left alone. I just need help. Something. I know that she did terrible things to me, but part of me is just still hurt because she's my biological mother.
I guess you could say that I grew up in a broken home in a bad inner city neighborhood. But being at home was like being in hell.
My mother was incredibly abusive, both physically and verbally, to my father, sister, and I. She's also an alcoholic and was a drug addict for a long time. I think that the worst thing that she's done to us is that she locked my father in the basement while my sister and I were using the bathroom, then set a pan filled with oil on the stove. My mom then left the kitchen and locked herself away in her bedroom while my dad couldn't get out. She tried burning the house down, with all of us locked inside, but somehow my older sister heard the smoke alarm going off and somehow managed to put out the fire downstairs in time. My whole family knew about this incident, but nobody reported it. Nobody helped us. Even when incidents got bad enough for the cops to come to the house, they never did anything, and it would make things worse after they left. I've been beaten, had my head held under a faucet, watched my father be beaten with a club, watched my sister nearly get run over by her, had my belongings thrown out a window and destroyed, been pushed off of chairs, screamed at in the face, yelled at in the middle of the night before school... the list goes on. She haunts me every day, and so do the memories.
I'm positive that she's a sociopath- she doesn't acknowledge that she's done anything wrong at all, and that she was a wonderful mother. When I was 18, I visited her and I had said something along the lines of 'you weren't the best mother.' And she flew out of her chair and was going to hit me until I took back the remark. She terrifies me sometimes.
My father functions to this day as her enabler, still in denial about the things that she had done. He never sought out help or tried to get my sister and I out of the equation. My sister would become just as bad, getting hooked on to drugs, sex, and eventually she because physically and emotionally abusive towards me. She would even allow her ex-boyfriend to sexually abuse me.
At age 15, I would eventually run away, become homeless, and live with other relatives and ex-boyfriends, some who also became abusive to me. Fortunately, I always did well in school, and I managed to earn nearly a full academic scholarship to college. I moved out on my own, made new relationships, and began to study mental health. I just graduated a few months ago and I live with my wonderful boyfriend of nearly 5 years.
It had nearly been two years since I had last spoken to any of my relatives (excluding my grandmother) since last month. I decided with the help of my therapist that I would finally cut off all contact with them, and things have been better. I was sick and tired of subjugating myself to be verbally and emotionally abused during her drunken rampages or when she would call at 12am... But then something happened;
My mother was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer. When my grandmother told me, I nearly fell to the ground and just cried for an hour. The only thing I could say to her was 'I don't know how to feel.' Part of me was so angry at myself for cutting her away. Another was just relieved that she might no longer be a part of my life. But I wouldn't wish cancer or death on anyone, not even my own mother. She's only 45... she's too young.
I visited her for the first time in years not too long ago, a day before her surgery, back at my 'family' home. My father and sister were there as well. It was incredibly eerie. I felt like a ghost- like I had no presence. I was scared to see her- she looked like she was pregnant and had a 13 inch tumor on her stomach. I wanted to say so many things to her- I wanted to tell her how much I hated her, that I would never forgive her, how horrible of a mother she was, how sick she was for being in denial, but I didn't. I was too scared. And I didn't want to come off that way in front of her and all of my relatives. Instead we just had an empty conversation, and she explained to me the details of her surgery, the cancer, and the upcoming chemo. She hugged me several times, saying that she was glad that I came. Part of me wanted to cry, but I felt like I was so empty. Like there was nothing left for me to give. I felt like I was a deer in headlights, blanking out. And then I left.
My mother had the surgery removing the 13 inch tumor, but they don't know how far the cancer has spread yet. I still don't know how to feel, other than depressed. I've spent days laying in bed, being distant, pushing away my boyfriend and my friends. I feel so numb and empty. I've missed some of my therapy appointments, and now my therapist is out of town. She suggested that I write out a letter, telling my mother how I really feel. I tried, but I don't think it will help... even if I decide to give it to her or not. I just don't know what to do, or where to turn, especially since I feel like I just want to be left alone. I just need help. Something. I know that she did terrible things to me, but part of me is just still hurt because she's my biological mother.
mildred71
My biological father was an alcoholic, and throughout my life would verbally abuse me, go on drunken rampages, and even told me that he disowned me, At an age similar to your mother, he died of liver cancer from drinking too much alcohol. After his death, there was a period of relief, that he could harm me no more. Then I started to feel sad that this father was not here anymore. Sad because he was and is my biological father, and I can see him, when I look at myself in the mirror, etc. So, I understand, that despite everything, you feel a connection. My advice would be to keep a healthy distance, but to be nice to her while she is still alive, you have an eternity to think bad things about her, but you can never get back the time now. Hugs!!!
deleted_user
You are a strong person, do not forget that! I think that you want your mother to act like a ''normal'' human being, and she can't.Because she is'nt. I do not think your mother is going to accept responsibility for her actions. What goes around, comes around....When your therapist returns, try not to miss anymore appointments. This is a very hard position to be in, I am sorry you are going thru this. Please do not push people away from you that love you. . do not isolate yourself, this is not going to help you any. You are a survivor! Allow others to help you. You have been thru so much. Sick or not, this does not erase the fact that your mother put you thru hell! Honestly, I think I would distant myself from her. I'm not saying to turn your back on her, but you need to protect yourself, and to feel safe. This situation is not healthy for you. I know you will do the right thing for you, but wait until you can talk to your therapist. Also, find a doctor who can prescribe meds. for you. This will help you think clearly. Please do not give up. Again, please do not shut out your boyfriend, or your friends....You need them. My prayers are with you.Stay strong! Please let me know how you are doing.....
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