lisamariem89

About Me

I don\'t really know what to say about myself... I joined this site a few years ago but I haven\'t really utilized it. I\'m 24 years old, and I graduated from college in May 2012. I studied for and obtained a bachelor\'s degree in behavioral sciences and social work, but my knowledge hasn\'t helped me too much with myself. I\'ve worked in mental health on a clinical level for the past year. My own clients were all at-risk youth with a history of abuse, neglect, trauma, or mental illness, all from ages 5 to 21. However, I haven\'t been able to focus on my career as of late due to my own struggles. I\'ve found myself getting triggered by my clients, so I\'m currently taking a break. I grew up in the inner city of Pittsburgh my whole life until very recently- I moved about an hour away to a sub-rural area to live with my boyfriend of nearly seven years and his family. I\'m saddened to say that my ability to make connections on a deeper emotional level with my boyfriend and friends has made life difficult as of late. I have a strong desire to be left alone, yet I fear abandonment at the same time. As of late, it\'s hard to connect with anybody, but I\'ve always shied away from making meaningful connections. Its been an odd experience with adulthood so far, but I guess you could say that my childhood was a lot stranger. I\'m a survivor of many things from my childhood- physical and emotional abuse from my mother and sister, being in an abuse relationship with an ex-boyfriend as a teen, sexual abuse from relatives and neighbors, growing up in a poor, crime ridden neighborhood, losing grip of family members due to alcohol and drug addiction, living with a drug dealer, being bullied at school for 8 years of my life, watching family going in and out of prison, being homeless, gang violence and more. I escaped this when I went to college, but the trauma still resonates to this day. My lingering mental health problems and lack of ability to connect to others feel consuming sometimes. I\'d like to believe that there\'s hope and that I\'m a resilient person, but its so hard some times. I don\'t mean to scare you off. I admit that sometimes I can come across as cold, but I welcome messages and responses from others. Feel free to talk and connect with me.