Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I really don't think I can do this. I am tempted to take the whole box of Amitriptyline tonight. I have hit rock bottom and I can't get back up.
Sending hugs and support [while you (hopefully) sleep].
Please go to see your dr and tell them how you are feeling. Please get a therapist. If you feel like you're going to do something, please, please ring a suicide hotline first.
I know exactly how you feel, I really do. I've been there, but things will get better. You just have to stay hanging in there until it does.
Please do try to leave the house. Leave it to do something enjoyable. Maybe go to a cinema, go on an outing, buy something nice for yourself. You might not feel like it, and in the beginning you might even cry through each activity, but it will help you. This, along with therapy and meds is how I helped myself.
If there are any abuse support groups or depression support groups in your area, please go to them.
You can do this. We're all here for you. You're not alone. We all know what the hell is like, but it DOES get better.
I know it is hard. I feel the difficulty myself....you have a child to live for---- no matter the age. You have reason to be and exist in the best of ways..... It is sad--- I don't want you to feel this way.
I know when I feel so sad-- like I am now, I have to work to make myself do something....to put one foot forward....sometimes I can trick myself into feeling ok and survinving within a short amount of time... and sometimes I have to just keep moment by moment reminding myself to do it....
Try not to ask why, or think about it, just do it.
Call the hotlines in your area... go sit in the women's resource center, call a friend, go to a friends door and just ask if you can sit in thier prescense, go to a library.... get away from your thoughts to clean your mind..... or go for walk around your home.....try--- it is hard. I won't pretend that it is not--- try--- because I want to see your name on the board later today and again tomorrow, and the next day... I want to know that you can do this.... because I need to do it too.
If someone else (and there are lots of people here who have done this) does this, than so can you, and I and the other people who are in the same spot.....
Prayers and Strength being sent your way.
But ... look at all these people who have reached out to you, because we care.
You can do this. He doesn't own you and never did. You can find you again. I know this. As I said, I was where you are. I "knew" I could never be happy, that I was too broken, that nobody would ever care about me - nobody ever had. It was all just too bloody hard. Fortunately for me, I had a small child (I didn't have this website then), so I felt I had to live, I had no choice - so I reached out everywhere I could. I called a suicide hotline, I made an appointment with a shrink ... and I found a way just to stay alive. That's all it was - I had no hope, I just needed to stay alive. That's how it was for a while, because my son needed me, I would stay alive until he could look after himself. For a long time I still planned to kill myself then, once he was able to take care of himself and I no longer had any reason to be here and there was no longer anyone who would even notice.
But I also worked on myself and my healing ... really I just wanted to survive, i really didn't think I was capable of happiness. People told me, as I'm telling you, that they felt that way too once but found happiness. I was pleased for them, and envious of them - because clearly they were stronger than me, better than me, not as damaged as me, something ... something, because there was no WAY I could ever be happy, not as broken and stomped on as I was. I felt exactly as your avatar shows. All the time.
And now I'm happy. I'm glad I didn't kill myself, not just because I'm glad my precious boy still has a mother, but because I'm glad I still have me. I now care about me, my relationship with myself is enough - and it's meaning I'm now developing genuine and nurturing relationships with others.
It will be hard for a while yet, I'm not going to sugar coat it. It will be hard. It IS hard. But you are valuable, you are worthy, and you CAN find happiness. And it's worth looking for.
SO glad to see you have been back on since last night... there is nothing that I can add that hasn't already been said by all these great people, except one thing: don't let the abusers win! I cannot stand the thought that a good, caring, innocent person like you has been so mistreated by one of them that you have considered this to end your pain.
Be assured, I am not minimising your pain - not at all. You have every right to feel every one of your feelings...but don't let HIM win!
You have SO much to offer, as we can all see!
...and what does he have to offer? Abuse. Selfishness. Negativity.
You never EVER deserved anything he did to you! So keep your light alive, first and foremost for yourself, and for all of us who love you.
Big hugs and thinking of you xx
I'm very glad to see that you're still with us. I still think it would help you to talk to somebody. We're here for you, but talking to an actual human voice on the phone would be better, and talking to someone in person would be best of all.
But if you're not ready to call any of the phone numbers listed earlier, you might try this:
http://www.crisischat.org/
They are not always available, but when they are, the people there are very nice and understanding.
One word about your children. I know your daughter hurt you, but your son didn't do anything wrong, did he? Maybe he is rude and thoughtless -- he is at that age, and this whole family drama has had a huge negative affect on him, too, even if he pretends otherwise. But if you kill yourself, he will never get over it. Suicide is by far the worst way to lose a loved one. It is far more traumatic for the family than any other form of death. Even if your son is behaving badly right now, I'm sure you love him very much so please think about this.
You can make it through this.